Ohh, this book. It is one of the most moving, beautifully told stories I’ve ever read. I adore it. And that is all because of the protagonist, Matthew Holmes.

What a fantastic character Matthew is! His voice is clear and unique. It is childlike, but also angry at times. His fracturing mind is so well presented through the back-and-forward between different moments in time. As the book moves along, the different times aren’t separated, we aren’t told that now Matthew is eight years old at the caravan park, or that he is now in Hope Road Day Centre writing his story. The story becomes blurred, and there are no clear boundaries between all of Matthew’s significant events. It is a little confusing to the reader sometimes, but that is on purpose. In feeling this confusion about where Matthew is and what is real, it impresses on the reader what it is like to feel confused and frightened. It’s so clever.

This is the story of Matthew Holmes: a nineteen-year-old schizophrenic. But that label is just a tiny part of who Matthew is. Mostly, he is haunted with guilt over the death of his older brother, Simon, when Matthew was eight. Simon had Down Syndrome and also some other health issues that meant his heart was weak, as were his muscles. Gradually, the events surrounding Simon’s death unfold. It isn’t until the end that we reach the accident and what actually happened. It’s so sad. The whole way through, I wanted to hug Matthew and tell him it wasn’t his fault, without really knowing what happened. The girl with red hair who was burying her doll is key to the unfolding of the story. Both in the past and the present. I love how she is tied in to the beginning and end. The plot comes full circle, and Matthew gets some kind of closure. It’s fantastic. Really, it is.

I love the way this story shows the effects of grief upon a family. Matthew and both of his parents all deal differently with losing Simon. Mostly, though, they fall apart. However, it is Simon who brings them back together. The end is filled with hope. I like that.

I can’t end this review without mentioning Nanny Noo. She is a great character. She adores Matthew, and he, her. I think she understands his illness so well because her brother has also suffered mental illness. Also, because of the terrible incident that happened to her when she was younger. It isn’t mentioned in absolute terms, but I think it was probably some kind of sexual assault.

So. What can I say? This book is not an easy read. It tugs at your heart and makes you cry, at times. But, wow, how beautiful this book is. I think Matthew is my favourite character I’ve ever read. His voice cries out to be loved. It is so unique. Love, love, love it!

Anybody who loves to read character-driven books. People wanting to learn about schizophrenia and mental illness. People who suffer from mental illness and want to feel a little less alone with it.

Matthew. He is so real, so believable. And he's so vulnerable. I just wanted to give him a massive virtual hug. I also loved Nanny Noo. The way the story comes full circle at the end with Annabelle is awesome.

Sad. Hopeful. Protective.

I haven't read any other Nathan Filer. I'm not sure if he's published anything else. I know he was a psychiatric nurse, so he really knows his subject matter.

It's so freaking good! You would need to have a heart of stone to not be moved by Matthew and his family.

The subject matter isn't an easy one. It could trigger some people's own illness, so if that's likely to be you, I don't recommend it.

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Created Nov 11, 2021 at 4:42am • Submit your own review...