Fade To Black

          I awoke to the glare of the sun on my face through the thin lace curtains. I don’t want to open my eyes, but the sun won’t let me sleep. I hate the sun! The curtains were closed, but they did nothing to stop the sun from shining through, my mother made sure of it, that bitch!

          She treats me like a toy doll she likes to play with from time to time. She even treats my room like her own personal doll house. Everything is white and pristine.

         The curtains are white. The dressers are white. The desk is white. The sheets and pillows are white. The walls are white. The floor is white. It’s like being a virgin princess living in a fairy-tale tower.

         She says she loves me, but I don’t think she really knows who I am. I don’t think she’d even notice if I disappeared.

         I walked over to my closet and took out a bucket of paint primer I keep hidden there, as well as a paint roller and a paint brush. My mother would kill me if she knew I had paint in the house.

         I then walked to my desk and took out the flat-head screwdriver I have there. I usually use it to pop open the lock on the chest in the garage with daddy’s things packed away. Things haven’t been the same since he died two years ago. I was thirteen then.

         I used the screwdriver to pop open the top on the paint and took a whiff. Not the nicest smell in the world, but I was getting used to it. I liked the buzz it gave me after a couple of whiffs. They say it can kill you, but I haven't been that lucky.

         I dipped the roller in sideways since I didn't have a paint pan and walked over to the wall, watching the paint drip on to the bleached wooden floor. Then I started painting on the walls. Pure black invaded the pristine white, eating it away like a cancer. It also reminded me of a black hole swallowing up the light of the sun. Slowly but surely the light was disappearing. Once the walls were finished, I grabbed a chair to reach the ceiling. The floor was next.

         The paint was drying a flat black, reflecting no light at all. A short time later, it looked as if the furniture were suspended in space, floating together in some attempt to belong yet being completely alone. There was only one thing to do, get them out of their misery.

         Now everything is shrouded in darkness. The curtains are black. The dressers are black. The desk is black. The sheets and pillows are black. The walls are black. The floor is black. It’s like being in a void, like it feels inside me.

         The fumes make me feel like a cloud floating in space, the black surrounding me completed the illusion. I was all alone in the endless void. There was only one thing left to do. I dipped the brush in the paint and started at my feet.

         Now I'm gone. No light. No sound. Not even a body. I and the world around me are simply gone. They say sound doesn't carry in space. I wonder if they're right. I decided to scream at the top of my lungs.

         A moment passed and the door flew open. It was my mother.

         "God dammit, not again Jessica! Do you have any idea what it cost to repaint this room last time?" she yelled. I thought her head was going to explode.

         "You don't even know who I am. You do everything your way, you don't even ask me what I want!" I shout back at her.

         "So what do you want? Huh? To be black? Trust me honey, it doesn't matter what color you are, no one's happy, that's just the way the world is." We stared at each other for a minute, and then she took a deep breath. "Listen, how about we pick out the colors together when we redo the room, okay? But you have to promise me, to never pull a stunt like this again, alright?"

         I couldn't believe what I was hearing; she was actually giving me a chance, a choice. She's going to let me have a say in something! Maybe she's not such a bitch after all. I found myself grinning despite myself. All I could say was "Okay mom."

         "And open a window in there before the fumes kill you." She said as she walked down the hall, still shaking her head at what I'd done.

         "Can we do the room in pink?" I called to her.

         "We'll see."