Ch. 3: And The Past Shall Haunt You

Chapter Three: And the Past Shall Haunt You

My eyes are gummed shut; swollen and irritated. My back and chest are sore, covered with bruises. My head is murky and cotton filled. Even so, I can feel her in the room. I can’t help but smile. Turning out of bed I carefully clean my eyes, expecting to see her smiling face. I am surprised to find her frowning down to the floor.

Even after all these years I still love her. She is the rock that I break myself upon. She is the calm in my storm of insanity. Enough with the bad cliches, I simply love her. I miss her terribly.

Sitting on my desk she is everything I remember. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, all except a few strands which have fallen into her face. The glasses she wears give here a cute, sexy intelligence. Her sports bra is showing from one shoulder of her neckless sweatshirt. The waist of her sweat pants are rolled over and when she stands they will rest low on her hips. Her fingernails and toenails are colored a soft pink. It is the only appliance she is wearing.

Look at her, as beautiful as a sunset in the middle of the ocean. My love. My anchor. My ghost.

My imagination.

Still she frowns not speaking and I find myself worried. Biting her lip she looks me in the face and I feel myself getting lost in her violet eyes. There is a tear rolling down her face. I am Jack’s sudden fear.

“Eddye, what are you doing?”

It’s like a slap across the face, her calling me Eddye. My real name is Jack and she has never called me Eddye. In moments of embrace with my arms swallowing her to my body she would whisper against my chest. “I love you Jackie.” In those moments all was right in the world. All was right in my mind.

Now, she called me Eddye. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart.

“What did you say?” I ask her and my voice sounds small and far away.

“What are you doing?”

She is not yelling, but I feel like a child before a stern parent. I burn with guilt and insignificance.

Meekly I answer, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” she asks turning her head in that way she has. Part curious, part challenging.

I shrug my shoulders and look away from her to the floor. Sliding from the desk she kneels before me taking my hands in hers. She has the faint smell of vanilla and I long to hold her. I ache to feel her against me.

By the gods, how I miss her.

“Eddye, what you are doing to these people, it’s not right. This is not you.”

I pull my hands from her and stand, walking away. “You don’t know me anymore, Ari. I’m not who I used to be.”

At the wall I turn, lean against it and look back at her. One hand is resting on the bed and she is looking away from me. Slowly she eases onto the mattress and her eyes are moist. It is heartbreaking for me to think that I am the cause of such pain for her. My chest tightens and my throat seems to small to swallow.

“You’re still the man I love, Jackie.” she smiles faintly.

Then the dam breaks and I slide to the floor crying with deep agonizing pain. I am faintly aware of her moving toward me. With my head buried deep in my hands I feel her on her knees pulling me against her chest.

“I do know you. This is not you.”

She begins to rock me against her, making soothing noises. For the first time in years I feel the comfort of another and for this moment I am thankful for her. Real or not.

I lose track of time until I feel her let go of me and stand. She takes my hand and we move to the bed. Sitting beside me she holds my hand and stares deep into my eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“They assume that they are in control here,” I say shaking my head, “but they are not. Someone has to show them that.”

“Why does it have to be you?” Leave it to Ariana to always cut to the point.

“Don’t you see, Ari. Everything that they believe is a fallacy. They think that they are above the petty problems of the rest of the world. They think they know so much. I want to prove all of their beliefs to be wrong.”

Letting go of my hand, she pulls away from me slightly.

“Don’t you see. What makes them so special? Why are their beliefs ideal, while mine are corrupt? I want to disprove all of their beliefs. If they believe in God I want to prove that he does not exist. If they are atheist I want to prove unequivocally that he is real. I want them to second guess the very nature of their beings. I want to prove all they hold dear a fallacy!”

There is something different in her eyes and she stands moving back to my desk.

“You’re right. You’re not the same man I loved.”

Sitting back on the desk she frowns once again to the floor.

I open my mouth and find that words will not come out. My eyes burn to cry once more. She has walked away from me.

“This is who I have always been.” I hold my hands up helplessly.

“No, it’s not Eddye!”

Slap. My eyes sting. I want to die.

“Where is the guy who used to bring me flowers just because. Where is the lover that I could trust to be my rock when I needed it. Where is the man who would hold me and tell me everything would work out in the end. Where is the guy who cried as I died before him!”

I sit there dumbfounded. There is nothing I can say. Do I tell her that the man she knew did not exist? Do I tell her that I have changed since she left?

She is off the desk and hitting me, tears streaming down her face is torrents. “Where is the man I loved. He has to be in there somewhere. Goddamn you Eddye, let my Jackie back out.”

I grab her and pull her toward me whispering for her to calm down. She continues to hit me until she loses the energy and she slides into my arms.

Our lips touch and she tastes of tears, anger, and love. Her lips are burning against mine and we struggle to become one. Together we pull her off first her sweatshirt then her sports bra. I lift her a little and I kiss her stomach. The slight down on her stomach tickles my nose. Her hands run through my hair and she pulls me against her stomach. Kissing the top of my head once, twice, she pulls me back to her lips. Kissing she pulls off my shirt and there is an electricity in the air as our skin touches.

Our lovemaking was always intense. It was always more about love than lust. We knew every inch and point of excitement on each others body. She was small against me but in those moments of love we fit perfectly. Two becoming one.

Somehow we have both become completely undressed. I taste parts of her that I haven’t tasted in years. They are still the same. I burn for her. She kisses me harshly as she rises and I enter her. She bites into my neck as we move together. I miss her so much.

Finished she lays atop my chest and my arms swallow her against me.

“I love you Jackie.” she whispers.

I feel her tears and my own eyes blur.

“You don’t have to do this to them, Jackie.”

“I wish you were right, but I don’t think I can stop it now. It’s to far gone.”

Raising her head from my chest she reaches up and kisses me, burning my lips with her passion.

“It’s never too late, Jackie. I’ll be waiting for you.”

She kisses me again and fades away.

Something has been ripped from my soul and I scream out. She is gone again. My love. My anchor. My ghost.

My imagination.

Ch. 4: Puppy Love and Uncle Joe's Farm  (18+) This is chapter four of a novel in progress. All reviews and opinions welcome. #990526 by Solitary Man