Bye Bye Baby

The breeze blew gently through the dark curls that loosely covered the left side of her face. She sat with her knees pulled up in front of her, arms wrapped around them for support. She liked to sit this way, wrapped up in herself as if she were cold. This night it was quite warm, but still she sat on the step holding herself. Her lovely head rested to one side on her wrist as she thought beautiful, random thoughts. There was peace here, in this moment. The rage inside her was finally subdued. A new day would begin soon; it was rising in the horizon. She prayed it would be a quiet day with no more visitors or callers. She’d dealt with other people more than she cared to today. She missed the simplicity of youth now more than ever.

Carrie sat on the porch of the old house all night that night. She didn’t care to go inside, into the house where so much joy had once lived. The all-too quiet house that stood empty and barren now. The few times she had gone in to get a drink or use the restroom, she almost thought she heard the child laughing. Even on the porch, she imagined she heard Megan crying for her as she often did in the night. The first time she even rushed in, ready to swoop the child into her arms and soothe her tears, only to find herself in need of soothing. How easy it was to forget.

She knew that in time all of this would fade away. Carrie was no stranger to death. She’d lost loved ones before. She just didn’t know how to deal with this one. She knew she would learn, she would adjust, adapt. Humans are really more resilient than they realize, and eventually you have to adapt. Eventually, everything changes. It was time to decide what to do next. She knew that she couldn’t sit on that damn porch too many more nights. She couldn’t go in the house either. There were far too many memories in there.

Megan's father had left when he found out Carrie was pregnant. She didn't take it as much of a loss, she wanted the baby more than she wanted the man anyway. But the circumstance did leave her alone; alone and wandering in darkness with nowhere to turn. Her parents had moved away years before, only coming back for Megan's birth, and now for her funeral. She just didn't understand. The baby was healthy, she'd just been to the doctor days before and there had been nothing wrong. She refused to accept the conclusion of the autopsy; SIDS, they said, 'crib death' they said. She'd done her research and couldn't believe that they had no reason behind this healthy child's death. It was impossible to think that a baby could just...die. No reason, no explanation; just a perfect baby drifting off in the night. As the sun rose, salty tears fell down her pretty cheeks. Rage began to rise in her once again. Megan had been all she cared about and to Carrie, life was over.