never been kissed

My story is simple. Really. I’m a 17-year-old girl that has never been kissed,. To tell the truth, no one outside my immediate family knows this. I fib constantly to those around me, I make stories about boyfriends and perfect first dates. But in reality it’s all a lie. My “problem”, if it can be called that, was simple. I never had time for boys.
One part of me can say that it was due to the fact that I moved a lot during those terminal teenage years. Another part of me can that it was due to my mother’s illness. My mom, you see, had esophageal cancer. It originated from life-long ulcers and anemia, or so I’m told.
But the truthful part of me will say that my situation with guys, or lack of, is due to my behavior and nature. Translation: a controlling-cocky-sometimes-insecure bitch. It’s hard to accept it, but it’s true, all the boys I have ever met were either scared and intimidated by me, or just completely turned off by my cockyness and tendency to speak down to them (boys).
But this story isn’t about my faults as a person. It’s about how I overcame my fears and shortcomings to learn to love and be loved. I promise not to leave anything out, and to be clear. I promise not to babble about my feelings, much. I will try to remember as much as possible. This is my story.
A little history would be nice. Love history, that is. To start things off, I want to say that I moved around a lot. 3 high schools in 4 years a lot. There were many boys in my life. More or less. One thing to remember, these were all crushes, not boyfriends. Meaning: I didn’t make it to 1st base with any of them.
---freshmen year there was Javier (I drove him away by trying and succeeding to be better than him at everything. Anything raging from classes to eating.) Then there was Pablo (which I drove away by refusing to kiss him.) and finally there was Cory (cute, but I could do better.)
---sophomore year there were two guys. Ken, the first, was sweet. (he had a girlfriend, and that will kill the romance immediately.) then there was Jonathan. (Now, this one had potential, but once again, it didn’t work out. I moved out of state, so did he. Again, no bases were touched.)
---junior year, there was no one really. No wait! There was that one boy Michael. (A little flirting going back and forth, but no big sparks)
---finally, senior year. Occupied by college applications and scholarships requirements there was no time for a love life. Especially if a job is added to the mix. I did, however have many friends. There was one guy friend, of course. Robert was cute, but had no ambitions whatsoever.
I am telling you, my love life is a fucking disaster. Lack of love life Love is more like it.