The Sandwich

“Hey! Bill! Over here!”
“Woah, how is it going Frank?”
“It’s going pretty good, how is Marcy treating you?”
“Marcy is incredible. We are the perfect match. How about you and Peggy?”
“Peggy and I have been having a rough go of it lately. But we will pull through. So, how was your trip?”
“The trip? Frank…It was the craziest trip I’ve ever been on.”
“Really, Billy boy, really. Tell me, what happened?”
“I was in a diner in Columbus. Just a regular breakfast stop, you know?”
“Yeah…Go on”
“Well…I bought a cold-cut turkey sandwich-“
“You’re favorite if I recall correctly”
“Yes, my favorite…but, the Diner was really crowded. I was lucky to get an open table. I took my sandwich and my laptop and set them down on the table. I then got up to go and pick up a package of mayonnaise”
“You left you’re laptop unattended?”
“Yes, Frank, I did. But that doesn’t matter, no one took it.”
“They never give you enough mayonnaise”
“Frank, please hush and let me continue my story.”
“Ok, Ok. Billy Boy has a temper”
“Anyhow…Where was I. Oh, yes. I picked up my mayonnaise from the counter and returned to my booth. As I sat down, I bumped into my laptop and it took a good jump and twisted so it faced the window.”
“No damage done?”
“No damage done. Just as I was about to fix it, a really big black man, in a business suit, sat down across from me. He asked if I was saving the seat for anyone.”
“Which you weren’t”
“Right. Now, please let me finish. I told him I wasn’t saving the seat for anybody. He sat down and dropped his newspaper on the paper, fully open. It took up the whole table. Do you understand what I am trying to describe?”
“The newspaper took up the whole table, got it.”
“Right, well, when he picked up the newspaper, I reached for my sandwich, unwrapped it from it’s cellophane, took off the top bun, and began to spread mayonnaise all over.”
“Hungry?”
“Yeah, I was.”
“I understand you were hungry then, do want anything now. The waitress is coming this way.”
“Yes, I would like a BLT, if that is at all possible”
“Sure is. Excuse me miss”
“How may I help you gentlemen?”
“My friend Bill here would like a BLT. And as for me, I’d like a piece of pepperoni pizza.”
“Anything to drink?”
“Umm…Water? Bill?”
“I’m actually in the mood for some lemonade.”
“Right, Bill here will take a lemonade, and I would like to have a glass of water.”
“I’ll be right back. Thank you gentlemen.”
“Thanks Frank. Now, where was I?”
“You lathered you’re sandwich in mayonnaise”
“Yes…So, I lathered up the sandwich, not even paying attention to the businessman sitting across from me. Then I took a huge bite, then another. I finally took a break and looked the man in the eyes. He was staring at me. ‘What do you think you are doing?’ he asked. ‘Eating my sandwich’ I said, as I set it down onto the table. ‘I think you are eating my sandwich.’ Said the big black man as he grabbed the sandwich and took a monstrous bite.”
“He just grabbed you’re sandwich and took a bite?”
“Completely out of the blue. He takes three big bites and sets the sandwich down while he chews and digests. I took advantage and grabbed the sandwich. I took three more bites. ‘Who do you think you are?’ he said to me, in a low menacing voice. ‘A hungry man, eating my sandwich’ I replied”
“The gall of that man”
“Please…no interruptions. ‘No, that is my sandwich’ says he. ‘Prove it’ I said. ‘find the sandwich I paid for, then I’ll let you have ‘your’ sandwich’ this infuriated him. I set the sandwich down so that I could chew. He grabbed the sandwich and walked off.”
“What did you do?”
“Well…I grabbed my laptop, because I was going to go after him and didn’t want my laptop stolen-“
“You didn’t care earlier”
“Yes, I did, now please, no comments, Frank.”
“Ok, Bill, I’ll shut up”
“So, I grabbed my laptop and spun it towards me, so I could close it. And-
“And?”
“There, on my keyboard. Was My sandwich!”