A Dialogue With Michael

A Dialogue With Michael

“All right, Michael, they’re saying you plied these young boys with wine and then had your way with them. If we’re to come up with a good defense, you’ve got to tell me what really happened.”

“Little boys. They’re so . . . so charming.”

“Yes, Mike, but did you give them any wine?”

“It’s all so innocent, really. You know, we just lay in my big bed together and have milk and cookies. It’s all so charming.”

“Look, Mike, cookies and milk is one thing--but cookies and wine, well, that’s a whole different ball game, and it’s not going to help our case any. Did you really give those young kids wine?”

“There may have been some wine sitting out, I . . . I really don’t remember. We’re usually having too much fun tickling each other on my bed. Do you like to be tickled?”

“No, I can’t say as I do. Can we stick to the facts, Mike? This looks really damaging for us.”

“I like to tickle and make the boys laugh. It’s all so wonderful--so charming.”

“How did the wine get into your room?”

“I show the children my monkey and let them pet it. Monkeys are fun, don’t you think? Have you ever seen my monkey?”

“You let your monkey sleep in your bedroom?”

“Of course! Monkeys sleep wherever they want. Did you know the poop from chimpanzees looks a lot like our poop? It’s all so charming.”

“You let your monkey poop in your mansion?”

“Sure. That’s where I poop, silly. I love my monkey. He’s so charming. I treat him just like one of the family. Besides, I hire people to go around and clean up after him. That’s all they really do.”

“It must be nice to be able to hire people just to clean up monkey poop. But what about the wine, Mike? How did it get into your room? If we can’t explain this, it’s going to look really bad for our case.”

“Uh . . . well, the monkey did it?”

“That’s brilliant. We can use that.”