The Real Beauty and the Beast

The True Story of the Beauty and the Beast

Well I’m sure you’ve heard the tale of the beauty that fell in love with the beast and saved him from a life of being extremely ugly forever. Well that isn’t exactly how the story really went. The beauty wasn’t all that beautiful and the beast, well, all right he really was that ugly, but that is beside the point. Everyone only thought she was beautiful because her dad who had invented things like the toaster and Jacuzzi paid the whole town to like her, even he thought she wasn’t pretty enough to be nicknamed Beauty. And of course he had enough money to do so cause honestly who doesn’t own a toaster? Anyways back to the story, the real story.
Once upon a time there was a very handsome prince. He lived in a very large and charming castle where some people would call the middle of nowhere. One day a very beautiful young woman knocked on his door looking for a place to stay. This woman was really a witch. She wanted to test the prince on his morals. Throughout his kingdom he was known as, well, a player. He wanted to know if he would be able to stay away from her for the night. Of course, he failed; ten minutes into dinner he was trying to hold her hand. So she turned him into the hideous beast people feared, and told him he would only turn back into the handsome prince if he could fall in love and gain love in return before the piece of toast she held turned completely green with mold. Since no one would come and visit him in his castle anymore he had his servants build a very thick forest all around his castle. His new forest extended about fifty miles in every direction.
Meanwhile out in the village where Belle and her father lived people where getting sick of trying to be nice to Belle. Not only was she not that pretty, but since she thought she was so popular she was also very snotty and stuck up. Some people decided that they couldn’t handle it anymore and told her off. One of the people that told her off was one her favorite people, the librarian. She loved to read and enjoying telling the librarian that the books he wrote were just not as good as he thought they were. Anyways accidentally the librarian told her that her father was paying people to be nice to her. When she first heard this she thought that he was lying. However after a few other people accidentally let it slip she decided to run away. Now since no one in the town really liked her no one cared.
After she had wandered through the woods for about a week, she came upon the castle where the Beast lived. Since she had never really cared about manners she just went in. Now, all the servants in the castle were very excited about this. They all knew that the curse would be lifted if a girl could fall in love with the beast and he could fall in love with her. One of the servants went and got the Beast and the two of them were off to dinner. Almost instantly the ditzy Beauty fell for the Beast’s fake charm. During dinner Beauty also put on a fake charm that would’ve impressed the Beast except for when she blew it and the end of dinner by challenging the Beast to a belching contest. When he tried to escort her to the door she insisted on being his prisoner and living there forever. Since he couldn’t get her to leave he agreed.
At first he had her locked in the tallest tower in the castle, but he quickly had her moved after he realized that all she did was complain about how cold, how hot, or how uncomfortable she was. A few of the servants got sick of her lack of manners and started teaching her the way a lady should act in public. At first it went very slow, for she refused to cooperate. However, once she realized no one liked her there either and that this could at least give her something to do all day long in the castle she decided to give it a shot.
After almost six months of teaching her to be a lady she was finally starting o get the hang of the idea. She went to the Beast a week before Christmas and told him how much she missed her father and asked him if he would allow her to go for a visit over the holiday. He agreed but told her she must return within ten days.
As soon as she left the Beast realized he wanted her to be there over the holiday and that he had made a mistake letting her go. So he followed her to her father’s house. When he pulled into town in his carriage people started to scream and run away in fear. The men in the town thought that their wives and children were in danger and started to chase him out of town. When Belle heard of this she went immediately back to the castle. When she got there she was too late. She was devastated, when the servant told her what had happened. No, not what you think, the Beast wasn’t dead, in fact he was playing poker with all of the men who had been trying to kill him, and he lost terribly to a man named Gaston. Then you must be thinking well then how was she too late? Well, I’ll tell you; the toast. It was completely green. Not a speck of white on that thing. Well after the Beast’s new poker pals had gone home, he confessed his love to Belle who returned his affection. They were married a week later and lived happily ever after. That is until Junior went to school and his beast instincts kicked in and he tried to eat the teacher, but that is another story.