The Life I Used to Have

The Life I Used To Have

I dropped my sister off in my life last night
a two hour drive into my past and her future

first thing she did when she got there was call all her friends
"I haven’t talked to them in a week"
*laugh*
I used to be that way
Now I see them once a month if I’m lucky
and when I do we really have nothing to say.
The comfort of the familiar . . .
The security of a soul mate is enough,
but with a full time job and a part time on the way
I don’t have time for friends.
No time for sleep-overs or late night hang outs
not when you have to get up in the early A.M.

It was my choice to move.
To leave the midnight dunkin donut raids.
I wanted to leave my past before it ran away from me.
But how is it that now I’m always two steps behind?
Or is it two hours away?

The road whizzes past me
and I’m in a zone
asleep or awake, I’m not quite sure.
I pinch myself
and it hurts.
But maybe I’m just dreaming that it hurts.
The streetlights line the highway like
stars lining the pathway to heaven.
The light reflects off the windshield
and my glasses.
Cool night air spills in through the open window
a vortex circling around my flip-flopped feet.
I feel like I’m flying.

Maybe this is heaven.
Perhaps God is riding with me tonite.
Our own little road trip through the streets of heaven.
The sound of the speakers echo through my brain.
God and I sing along . . .

I dropped my sister off in my life last night.
Or the life I used to have.
It’s hers now, and I don’t quite remember how it goes.
Something about slumber parties and dunkin’ donuts . . .
But I go back to adulthood . . .
to walk the dogs and feed the cats
and bring flowers to my stepmother in detox
And God goes with me
the best friend I never knew I had.
And we sing along with the radio
and for a pensive moment everything is all right.