I Miss You

Dear Great Grandma,

I can't believe how much I still miss you even now. It has been 17 years since you passed, that is half my life and yet you are never far from my thoughts. So much has happened in our family both good and bad as I am sure you are aware. The family has fallen apart without you to hold us all together. There are no more family gatherings on holidays; just my little branch of the tree celebrates together now. Aunt Ann won't speak to us anymore, because of my wedding 11 years ago. She didn't even attend. My cousins have gone their own ways as well. Tania lost a baby and Jason has turned to drugs. My own brothers are ok some days but not others. Dan is into the party scene and Dave is running his own company with little time to spare for a life.

Yes, I did get married. I know you would have been partly disappointed that I had my oldest son without being married, but I had my reasons. He had asked because he was going into the army. We had been together for what seemed like so long that it was the next logical step. I finally left him after Matthew was born. We make much better friends that we would have parents and Matthew is so much happier than he would have been having two parents at each others throats.

I married my high school best friend and we have a son together. He treats both boys the same, I have told him that he is partly responsible for Matthew being born since he kept me and Matt’s dad together so many times. He likes being Matt’s dad. Even says it is a privilege. We have issues sometimes, but what marriage doesn’t? We are working on them and that is all that matters to me in the end.

I have two beautiful boys now; I wish you could see them. Actually, you probably can. I just wish that they had a chance to know you and you them. You were such a strong force in my life. I remember every summer being there with you. It gave me a break from home and a chance to feel truly loved, loved for who I am and not belittled all the time. You were the only one I ever listened to, because you were the only one to give me that feeling of unconditional love.

I am carrying on that pattern. I love my boys to death and they know it. Ron is gone so much at work, trying to make our company a success that the parenting falls to me. My teen still says he loves me, and will even hug me in front of his friends. He still likes to cuddle and has the kindest heart, both boys do actually. See, even though you are gone from my life part of you is still here with me, and also in my boys. Thank you for being such a strong woman and teaching me the things you did. I will always love you, admire you, and respect you. Goodbye.