A Letter to My First Husband

Dear First Husband,

What do you say to someone who has been in your life for 45 years and now is at the entry to that final door? We have shared a lifetime together even though we only "lived" together eight years. We have always known where each of us were and what we were doing. We have shared communication via our children, the turmoil of each of our various divorces and relationships and the joys too. When we did meet during the forty years of our separation, we began our conversations where we left off five or ten years before, sometimes to the consternation of your current wife.

Time has diminished the pain of our divorce and left the love we have always felt for each other. We were first love and had a bond that was deeper than the chaos of our lives. Now there will be a hole in my life that you once filled. There are many things I would like to say, but considering the journey that you are about to take they seem trivial. We both made mistakes back in the beginning of our life together which changed the course of our lives; however, we both have been blessed to have many other people love us too.

In your final words to me, you told me you were not afraid of death and knew that you were going to heaven, a place beyond pain and the gravity of earth. I believe, too, that our spirits do not die, just change, so maybe heaven is as good a description as any other.

I want to believe that our connection is not ending only changing. So I wish you Godspeed on your journey. I will remember you always as my first love and the father of our children.

Good bye,

Mary Wilde