The Ghost in My Mind

People say your mind will play tricks on you. Do you think this is true?

It feels as though a lifetime has passed, between the age of innocence, and the corruption of adulthood. During our time of innocence are we able to hear things, or see things that those who have been stripped of innocence cannot?

For many years this ghost in my mind has told me many lies, and forced me to see the many horrid truths of life. Most would think I was not well, this is the story I have to tell.

When we are young we should be cherished, honored, and loved. If those to whom we are gifted, choose not to honor our innocence what then?

When I was a child I can remember no time of laughter. What I remember is pain, hunger, and loneliness. As time passed the hunger would fade, the pain and loneliness I fear will never go away.

I have a ghost in my mind who informs me when I seem to forget, that I am not good enough for love. This ghost creeps up in my dreams to tear at another part of my soul. Forcing me to relive the nightmare of a life I try everyday to let go.

I had once thought it was over, I am older now. I am in control of my own life. I seem to think that remembering will make it go away. I now can drive on the freeway, not knowing where I am. Lost in thought I drift back in time.

Remembering how I was once covered in newspaper sleeping in a park, eating out of garbage dumpsters so I wouldn't starve. All of this at a ripe young age of five, or was it six? Is this a trick?

I don't really know if it is real, it seemed so long ago. I am older now, shouldn't I let this go?

I should know better than to ask such a question. I already know the answer, it is soon after I am reminded once again this ghost will never go. It has a nice comfortable home in the back of my mind.

Soon I get over reliving the pain only to be hit once again. The lessons are harder now. Remembering how it felt to have trusted guardians revoke your right of innocence.

The trusted touch of a lover I now will never know. Now it is just an act the sooner it is over the sooner I can let it go. How can I rid myself of the ghost in my mind? I am so desparate to leave it behind.

I have decided to face this enemy of mine. I will learn to love it not fear it, accept it for it is my friend. I will use it when ready to surrender, remembering what I have survived.

All I can do is live my life. Being greatful to be alive. There is no longer a need to run and hide, for I now realize that I am the ghost in my mind.