Could You Please Tell Me?

(indent)I composed this poem when I was at the peak of personality crisis, when I confined myself in seeing mistakes and envied others who have more than I do, when I thought nobody loves and cares for me, when I though I was left alone, when I though that my life has no purpose, when I though that the only way to escape suffering is to take away my own life, when I thought…
(indent)To date, this is longest poem ever, or would I mean revelation…
(indent)Just a hint: I didn’t know that other people also ask or asked the same questions. It was only last January 26 that I come to read Job’s revelation in Job 3. (And of course this poem is not patterned after it).
(indent)An advice: If ever you are asking same questions, the best ways to overcome them is to be yourself, relax and pray.

Could Tell Please Tell Me?

Why does life has too many reasons, questions,
Too many purposes and too many faces?
Everyday as I wake up,
I want to continue what must to pursue
But what for? I don’t know,
What maybe the purpose of pursuing?

How can I endure and enjoy life,
To insinuate what its purpose on me,
If I myself do not know life’s intention?
How can I be involved if I am a stranger?
I want to explore life’s nature within me
But how, what will be its reason?

I love my world and the One who created it,
But what things can I do for it and for Him?
Each day, I want to do some good,
But why do sometimes I am forced to do badly?
Why do I have to be amiable to others?
If that others won’t do it for me in return?

Yes, I know my faults and weaknesses,
But why can’t I be strong?
Sometimes, I can’t accept that I am only this kind of person,
Is it because I expect too much from others more than what I can give?
I want to bring out and reach out the best in me,
But why as I attempt, I am always ignored or insulted?

Only God knows where my true destination is,
So I must stay where I may;
Not to wait but to do what must to be done,
I must not linger nor to tarry,
For it is an exigency to proceed and emanate,
But how, if there are obstacles and hindrances?

Could you please tell me who really I am?
Of course you can’t, isn’t it?
For there are only two who could tell,
It is God and I, myself;
But God hasn’t told me yet,
I’m tired of seeking, but still I can’t find.

Could you please tell me?
Am I a person of two minds, independent and inquisitive,
For me not to remain focused on one but wants to know about everything?
Am I that person, who is rebellious, warrior but dynamic?
I know I am quick-tempered but I am considerate,
And why do I have my enemies even if I make friends?

Could you please spot what’s wrong?
Where and when did I made great mistakes,
For me to be this kind?... I hate myself!
Why do I can’t… NO! This is I;
How can I reach out if I am always keeping?
I can’t decide what my life really wants.

What’s life purpose for me?
I don’t know, as if I am living without any goal,
I often think of what my mission in living,
And I’m oftentimes confused and hate myself,
I sometimes detest the world where I live, too,
And even curse the day of my birth.

I am too confused; I need some help and truth,
What shall I do to recover and answer all my asking?
I am already falling, giving up;
I need hands to keep me remain standing,
I know life is too short,
So I’m always and still seeking, but why?