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Rated: 13+ · Essay · Satire · #942642
My first attempt at satire, for an English class.
{c}…Don’t wanna be an American idiot…

It is a frustrating problem that Americans have to deal with everyday-our president is mentally inept for the job, and is pissing off Democrats left and right. Right now there’s a whole legion of angry US citizens who are drowned out by the overly prideful Republicans that are actually all full of lies, and half-truths. What they don’t tell you, is what they don’t want you to know. While this may seem obvious, it’s also the truth. Worthless television channels such as CBS try to emphasize what they broadcast as truths even when everyone knows they’re full of it, so why wouldn’t a washed up political party? It is horrible to realize that this clown has been elected for two terms, and that his deadbeat father was president.

I think that we can all agree that The United States are out of control. Look at the recent events of the past year: War with Iraq, NHL lockout, and a war-hero being beaten by a monkey in presidential elections. If it wasn’t for Bush then we wouldn’t be in Iraq-this is good because Bush is an idiot. Popular bands such as The Beastie Boys, Foo Fighters, and Green Day have been against Bush from the beginning, and their fans have proved their support for the bands, and their hatred towards our backward leader.

Not to suggest that Democrats are all Nazi’s bent on killing out the whole group of Republicans, and everyone associated, but we are in dire need of a proposition to protect the world from the aggressive propaganda, the plague of darkness, the tyranny of Bush. My first solution would be to create a camp of sorts (stick it in Nevada.) This camp would counter-act the effectiveness of Cheney’s mind control powers, and there would be free soup. Some other good ideas are to either send every Republican into space, or to nuke the entire US, and move all the moderately worthwhile people into Canada, because Mexico is crazy enough already.

I will now humbly propose my thoughts on the problem, and hope you will consider them thoughtfully. We’re setting up a camp somewhere in the ever-unimportant Nevada territory which will harbor idle-minded Americans that will soon bloom into upright, Democratic citizens. We will group our Republican friends into different cages, according to their stances on one issue or another. Republicans of value are virtually non-existent, and will be working the soup kitchen if they show any signs of improvements. We’ll send the right wing Republicans in the desert and keep them there until they’re “healthy.” Any moderate Republicans will be dealt with accordingly.

All in all, we just want to regroup from our now-corrupt society. We cannot trust Bush, we cannot trust Cheney. There’s no truth in the war in Iraq, there’s no justice in slaughtering terrorist in massive genocide. We need to calm the nation, and keep in mind that although we may not personally have much to gain from the whole ordeal, there’s a lot to be learned, and we can throw off the focus of the republican party.

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