MisAdventures

Two figures in the moonlight raced across the empty dead landscape to the dark castle that loomed in the distance. They stopped on a cliff that stood before the dark castle.
“Are you sure this is the right address?” said one figure to the other.
“That’s what the scroll said,” replied the other in a sleepy voice, “Dark castle in a deserted wasteland.”
“Well then we’ll camp here tonight and strike tomorrow.”
At dawn the following day a knight in slightly dented armor charged at the castle, and started beating on the castle and making a get big ruckus in general. Followed slowly by a fellow in robes and a pointy hat not doing much at all really just watching his companion. After a few moments of this great mess of noise, a shady figure in a black suit, black cape, black top hat, and bicycle mustache appeared leaning over the castle wall.
“And what exactly do you think your doing?!” Shouted the shady man more to be heard then anything else.
“I’m saving the D.I.D. from this dark and evil place!” shouted the knight back.
“The what?!” shouted the shady figure puzzled.
“You know the D.I.D. Damsel in distress.” The knight said.
“Look here now,” said the shady man getting slightly agitated, “there’s no damsel here.”
“Liar!” came an angry female shout from some where in the vicinity of the tallest tower.
“Quiet you,” shouted back the shady man. “Who was that!?” yelled the Knight.
“Nobody,” replied the shady man “Ignore it!”
“It!” came an enraged cry. “It! How dare you! You slimy little worm!”
“O dear,” muttered the shady man shaking his head, “not again.”
“Are you sure we should rescue this broad?” ask the robed figure.
“Of course,” said the knight, “that’s are job, remember?”
“Now look what you’ve done!” Shouted the shady figure, “you’ve started her going again now she won’t shut up for days. Who are you any ways you meddling fools?”
“I,” pausing for dramatic effect and puffing out his chest “am William the Great, professional hero. My specialty is saving Damsels in distress. And this robed fellow here is my faithful sidekick, Mike the Magnificent master of magic. Now might I know who I’m about to stomp into the ground?”
“I am the great evil villain… Spinach!!!!”
“What kind of name for a villain is Spinach?”
“It’s a great name everyone hates spinach.” Shouted Spinach growing slightly enraged.
“While that might be true it doesn’t necessarily strike fear into the heart now does it?”
“Well…” started Spinach
“Are you two finished yet?!” interrupted a slowly growing more enraged female voice.
“That’s it!” yelled William, “I’m coming to save you!” and went directly back to beating down the door……….literally.
“You’ll never get in, and you’ll never get her she’s mine I stole her far and square!” yelled a very
aggravated villain and started to throw everything that was not nailed down (and some things that were) at are Hero and his companion. So as are Hero dodged the barrage of odds and ends, his faithful servant quietly walked off.
A short while later the villain stomped of into the castle to find more things to throw at are
lovable hero. Which gave William a moment to pause and rethink his tactics he looked around the pile of things the villain had thrown. He rummaged through the scattered odds and ends looking for the object he remembered whizzing passed his head. After a moment he
found it, a lawn chair. He unfolded it and sat down to think. He had done some damage to the drawbridge but not enough really. What he really needed was a battering ram or a bigger object to hit it with then his sword or to find some vital weak point or the door handle or something. At that moment he realize his partner was gone.
“Were could he have gone?” He thought “My faithful companion would not have abandon me in my time of need…would he? I must ask him when I find him were he went.” With that last thought are hero got up and went to inspect the damage he had done on the drawbridge. And to be completely honest it could be fixed with a good paint job. He reached out to scratch some flaking
paint when he heard a loud creaking sound as the drawbridge came thundering down toward his head. Lucky enough in his experience as a hero large objects have rushed at his head on an often enough bases that after awhile his reflexes got extremely good. With that in mind you’ll under stand when I tell you that he escaped curtain death by being crush into a paste by
the drawbridge by quickly leaping aside. As the dust settled and he picked his self off the ground and proceeded to dust off, because he wanted to look his best when he rescued the D.I.D. When he was sure this was the best he is going to look in his slightly used armor he turned to see his long time friend standing on the now open drawbridge.
“Were the hell have you been.” He said calm and questioningly.
“I went to the back of the castle to find the back door so I could get in to open the front door so you could rescue the damsel.” he said lazily.
“Back door?!” replied are hero slightly confused
“Yeah, all the new castle have got them,”
The two heroes rushed in to face there enemy there he was in the middle of the court yard holding the damsel hostage.
“How dare you come in my home and try to steal the things I’ve already stole!” shouted the villain.
“Fight you for her.” William said smugly.
“How dare you challenge ME, I’m the greatest swords man in the land!” yelled the villain getting so infuriated you shoved the damsel aside and drew his sword and starting toward William.
“We’ll see.” Said William drawing his sword walking toward Spinach.
And so it was the epic battle between the Hero and the Villain started. These mighty foes crossing steel, battle to the death, or just to impress the damsel. Mike and the Damsel watched intently for about the first 15 mins. Then out of shear boredom turned to each other.
“So what is your name?” asked Mike
“Jasmine” said the Damsel
“So how’d you get suck in this mess?” said Mike
“It’s my profession.” Said Jasmine
“Oh really?” asked Mike looking just slightly puzzled, “How would one apply for a job like that?”
“Get kidnapped and scream a lot,” replied Jasmine, “but the medical benefits are wonderful.”
“Hmm….”
“Well you know what? It’ll probably be awhile before they get done…You wanna play some cards?” asked Mike pulling out a deck of cards.
“Got any money?” She asked.
“Well um... not really, no actually I’m kinda in between pay checks right now.” Mike stammered
“Well I’m sure there’s something I could win off you.” She replied smiling wickedly.

Hours later…

The dust had settled and it began to get dark. Both sword fighters had pasted out from exhaustion. Mike poured water over William’s, he woke we a startled look then rose to his feet.
“I won right?” said William
“Of course you did.” replied Mike
“Were is the damsel?” questioned William
“uh… she left,” said Mike
“Why are you wearing that barrel?” noticing his friend was nude expect an over sized barrel around his body.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Said Mike “Lets get out of her I’m getting cold.”
“Alright on ward then to are next Great Adventure!”

And off the went walking away from the sunset and toward there unseen future…