Flames

She couldn't for the life of her know why she's doing this again. Does it ever work a second time? Broken relationships, are they easily mended at all? Why then people go to such lengths to savour one last kiss, one last comfort, for a final "I love you"?

Gripping tightly at the steering wheel, placing all the strength she could muster to keep those tears at bay, she drove on. Her destination was one she was familiar with. Shophouses flew past her. She could imagine all the people looking at her. Her car seem to shine brighter than others. Everyone shaking their heads at her naivety, her stupidity and her belief in something gone.

As she stepped lightly on the brake, bringing the car to a smooth stop on one of the empty parking spots, her lips trembled, her heart almost thumping right out of her ribcage. There she sat, pondering before she begin a second try of something that was bound to end in smithereens. She adjusted the necklace on her neck. The necklace cum whistle with her name engraved on it. The necklace that was a gift from him. Him, who's right now sitting unaware in his office, in his shop.

Calming herself with deep breaths, she grabbed the plastic bag that contains the lunch she bought for him, got out of the car, slammed the door and then looked up at the dark, grimy shop that was his. The piles of pipes coilling near the walls, a few workers in blue boiler suits resembling those of his walked around and stared questioningly at her. The last time she found herself in this situation was January last year. When she came for an official break-up, which ended in another round of sex, "for old times sake". She convinced herself that was it, over.

Its been a year, she could hardly forget him.

"Ya lookin' for?" asked one of the workers. She hesitated. This time around, she wanted him back. It was a selfish thing, to throw him aside when she can't stand his addiction to drugs, when her friends made her believe he's cheating on her. Now she just felt guilty she wasn't there for him like the perfect girlfriend she thought she was. She didn't see him through all his troubles, didn't bother finding out what made him turn to drugs, neither did she offer any sympathy when his father passed away, leaving him to shoulder so much responsibilities. All she had ever thought of was the limited time he could spend with her. She regretted her never ending emotional bursts and the way she cling to him like a leech, leaving him no space to breathe.

"Erm, is Daniel around?"
"Daniel? Yeah, he's at the back!"
"Thanks!"

She walked into the shop, trying not to squirm in the blackness and the dirt that seemed to fly at her from all directions. And then, there he was, squating with a bunch of his mates, the cap covering half of his face but she could see him so clearly. His body has filled up perfectly, she could only assume he has quit the drugs. They all stopped talking. All eyes on her. And then, he got up. He took a few steps towards her, a big grin cracked his face. His dimples sank deep into his cheeks.

"Hi"
"Hey you.."
"How are you?"
"Great..."

He took her hands in his, soothing her nervousness just a little.

"I knew you'd come..."

She smiled, blushing just a little.

"Why are you stuck with me?"
"I don't know..."
"Move on, sweetie. There are a lot of guys better than me."

She wanted to tell him that she didn't care how many of them out there are better than him in any ways whatsoever. She wanted him to know she loved him despite his job, despite his past, that she didn't mind he used to take drugs, or look for prostitutes, or has several girlfriends. Words failed her. She could only smile meekly, again.

"C'mon, you're an angel. I'm a devil. We can't be together!"
"Angel? Yeah, right. Just because I'm dressed in white today?"

What was she doing? Making light of situations at this moment is not right. She could just throw a pail over her head if there was any.

"I swear I saw wings behind you when you walk in..."
"Erm, I bought you lunch!"
"Thanks, sweetie!"

There it was again. Those dimples that rivals hers. How was she going to tell him that she wanted him back? She looked down at his blackened fingernails, his coarse fingers stroking her hands. How much hardship has he gone through? She wanted him to know she's here to make it all better. She really want to be the perfect girlfriend again.

"Sweetie..."

She looked up into his misty eyes. And then everything went blank. His arms circled around her, giving her the sense of security she had been craving for. His lips on hers. Flames of passion engulfed them. Words were perfunctory.

"If I ever have a wife, she would be you. Believe me when I say, I have not loved anyone more than I love you. But I can't hurt you anymore, sweetie. I'd rather remain a bachelor than to put you through another round of it all."
"I love you, too!"

Maybe, this is one man she would never stop loving. By some twist of fate, she was stuck with him. Bind together just to cause each other pain. Both of them, red hot fire. Either they make passionate love or they're plunged in a fiery war. Nobody could do anything to put them out. She pulled her car out of the parking spot, and then drove off towards home. Tears stung her eyes but she would not let it flow. Smilling to herself, she knew she would not die so soon. She would not let blur visions kill her. To have loved so deeply once in her life was an experience few has the opportunity to taste. And maybe, all she wanted was to know he wanted her too.

And that, satisfies her.