Consent and the Implications

I held her close. The circular bed at sat in the middle of an almost absurd room. If questioned as to what kind of person would decorate the room that way I would have to say a 14 year old virgin girl if asked to design and decorate a sexpit would come up with something very similar to the room we where in.

White ceramic cherubs reclined high above on their perches and small mirrors stood like diamonds between tasteful black and white pictures of a clothed but damp and intimate couple on a beach. The two shelved head board mounted a stalking black panther and a large mirror.

I was feeling morose. I had reason to be. I had briefly escaped a living nightmare. I was 21 and still living in my mothers basement, I had worked hard earning enough money for College and had gotten in. Now I had an entirely unnessasry student loan taken out, was flunking out of College and had successfully managed (between all my hard work and lack of energy) to loose any kind of a social life I had once had back in highschool.

The only high point was that I had found an escort service a handy two blocks from my house. After aganizingly depressing nights of going to the bar alone I found fun by the hour a relief.

But there are drawbacks.

I began to question the value of purchased consent. This pretty girl in my arms. I pointed out that maybe it wasn't true consent.

"Would you stop me if I got up and walked out that door?" She asked.

"Of course I would." How could anyone not try if such a horrible thing where to happen?

She stiffened and got up and walked towards the door.

I lept quickly and with dexterity and precision I fear is lost to me as I approach middle-age. Standing behind her one long fingered hand covering her left shoulderblade I leaned forward and stopped her.

"Please, don't go. This won't be that bad and I promise I'll try my very, very best to make this fun for you. I'm a good guy. Let me show you please?"

She stepped away from me and turned to look me in the eye.

"Thats what you meant when you said you'd stop me."

"Of course what...?" I started to ask with a smile that quickly died.

We looked at each other and for a good three seconds we did some serious thinking.

"You actually thought..." I began to say but didn't finnish, 'That I would use force, that I would intentionally hurt you, that I would rape you?'

I didn't have to finnish. We both knew. I turned around and leaned over to pick up my jacket. It was time for me to go.

"What are you doing?" She asked horrified.

"I'm leaving."

"No!" She rushed up and huged me. She pressed close, her head against my chest.

This girl who had all but accused me of rape a second ago was trying get me to stay. This girl who had almost walked out the door and ruined my reputation at this agency was trying to seduce me?

Regretfully young girls in general know about as much about seduction as I did. Almost nothing.

"No, yourself dammit. I get to say 'no' too, you know. And I can't very well stay after that kind of insult." I pushed her back with a hand on each of her shoulders. "Now let's pull ourselves together do the walk towards the door. Alright?"

She walked me as far as the door of the room.

"Hold on a second!" She had a happy sparkle in her eye as she bolted down the hall to the office/waiting area where the girls watched movies while waiting for phones to ring.

I was impatient. I wanted to hurry home so I could take out my frustrations to some extent on my basement walls and to a larger extent on my knuckles.

I sighed and prepared to do the walk to the door myself in face of tradition. It was a short walk and the only real scenery was the pop machine but walking it without a girl on my arm was depressing.

She caught me as I was unlocking the front door. It had a fairly complex series of locks from the chain the deadbolt and the lock on the door handle itself. She bounced up suddenly and excitedly.

"Here, take this!" She was smilling again.

It was the hundred and fifty dollars I had paid for an hour of her time. My stomach lurched and I grew angry.

"Do you never tire of shaming me?" I looked at her and offered the money back.

She recoiled first from the look in my eyes and second from the money in my hand.

"Take it!" I was furious with her.

"I don't want it." She was recovered and looking me in the eye.

"Why, the hell, not?"

"I don't want it, I didn't earn it!"

"Just..." She has forced me to see things her way and I stumbled a moment.

"Why are you so angry? I thought you'd be happy."

I had to stop and think about that one.

"This." I started then, "THIS," I started to show her my cannines "isn't about money and you giving it back makes it about money. This is garbage I don't want it. Take it."

"I don't want it either. Just throw it away then."

But I couldn't. The money in my hand represented a weeks wage at the job I was working at.

"Because I worked for it."

"I didn't. I didn't do any work for it." She sounded regretful about that

"I can't just take it with me. I don't want to look at this." The disgust I had for the money I couldn't drop was extreme.

"Then spend it."

"Anything I buy will be the same."

"Then spend it here. Get me or someone else and go back to the room. Then you won't have to look at it." Her jaw was square. She started to go through the list of women who were there. Her eyes were dark defiance.

"Don't be silly." My rage was breaking under her. I couldn't leave with the money and she wouldn't accept the money without working for it.

"Don't be silly, what?"

"If I stayed you know who it would be." It would have been obscene to have them line up. It would have been obscene to choose another girl over the one before me now.

"I know."

"But I have to go. I really do. You know that. This isn't about money. You know that right?" I offered her the money again.

"Yup, it's about honour and pride and rules. Keep the money. I'll pay the room fee out of my pocket. I still have money from earlier today. Come with me. I want to now. I didn't know."

Damn her, damn her, damn her! She would have rejected me out of hand anywhere else and just because I had tried to walk away she was willing to pay to sleep with me!

I was angry again. And maybe I did get a thrill out of the idea of turning her down.

I smiled reached down hooked a finger through the low neckline of her lingerie and shoved the roll of bills between her breasts. She offered me a look of shock. "Nice try. I'm going home." I said and turned to unlock the door again.

"Can I come with you?" My shoulders softened again. "It'll take me a few minutes to get ready..." I thought of my generally impoverished home.

I opened the door and started down the stairs.

"Wait!"

"Bye, already."