The Fantastic Lives of John and Rob 2

Fade In:

Int. apartment - late afternoon

John is on the couch watching T.V. when he hears the door open. Rob enters with a beautiful women on his arms.

Rob
(points to John)
This is my roommate John

Woman
(shakes John's hand)
Hi John

John
(puzzled)
Hi.... You are?

Woman
Rob's girlfriend, Stacy

John
(even more puzzled, looks at Rob)
Huh

Rob
(hugging stacy)
Yeah, as soon as we met it was an instant connection

Stacy
(kisses Rob and walks to the door)
I'll see you later, Snuggle Bear

Rob
Alright, bye

Stacy leaves, as soon as the door closes Rob starts strutting around with a smile on his face.

John
(pushes Rob)
Where on earth did you find her?

Rob
Well I was temping yesterday evening at the army base

John
So she's in the army?

Rob
No, she was just temping like me, and we just couldn't keep ourselves off of each other

John
Okay right now, before I find out later, whats wrong with her? Is she slightly blind and cannot notice your strikingly unattractive face?

Rob starts walking away and John grabs him

Rob
Nothing is wrong with her, we just have alot of the same things in common

John
So she's also fat, bald, and ugly. I know you're lying to me snuggle bear. But I'll find out later

Rob goes to his door and looks back and John

Rob
Maybe I'm just too likeable

John
Hence the name snuggle bear

They both frown at each other and go in their rooms.

Int. Office - Morning

John is working on his computer, when Rob walks in with a gas mask on his forehead.

John
What is that on your head?

Rob
Oh, I forgot something at the base, and had to go back and get it.

John
So why the mask, was there a nuclear accident or something?

Rob
Ohh... they were spraying the base for rodents

John
You're lucky to be alive then. Speaking of the army base did you see the news, people are protesting down there because of the development of a new weapon of mass destruction.

Rob
Yeah I saw them, but what difference is a sign and a chant gonna make against people with a whole lot of guns and money.

Hassan, the manager of the office walks in

Hassan
(speaking in a thick middle eastern accent)
What is up, my peeps?

John
It's hard enough to understand you when you speak regular english, so why you even think of using slang. What? Did you just get MTV or something?

Hassan
You are lucky we are not in my country, because where I'm from you would get 20 bitch-slaps for talking to me like that

John
I'm really busy here, so what do you want Saddam Hassan?

Hassan
Your mother but everyone already had her

John gets up and pushes Hassan, then Rob breaks it up.

Rob
(holding John and Hassan back)
C'mon you two, haven't you learned anything from me and Stacy, Love is the most important thing in life, so you two make up.

They both look at each other then John pushes Rob down to the floor.

Hassan
Good work John

John
Thanks

They smile at each other, all of a sudden, the smiles turn into a frowns, then Hassan leaves.

Rob
(gets up, and dusts himself off)
Why are you always pushing me

John
(goes back to working on his computer)
Because I just can't stop touching you Snuggle-Bear

Rob
Okay, I see

John
See what?

Rob
You're jealous

John
Jealous of what?

Rob
When was the last time you were with anyone as good looking as Stacy?

John
Well......ummmmm...Tha.....Oh yeah, remember Rebecca?

Rob
Rebecca was your cousin

John
Second cousin. Anyway, to prove I'm not jealous, I'll take you and Stacy out to eat tonight

Rob
What kind of food?

John
Mexican

Rob
No, no, I don't like Mexican food, it upsets my stomach.

John
There isn't a type of food on this planet that you don't like, besides the restaurant is Gordos, and I know you go there because they have a table named after you

Rob
Okay whatever

Rob leaves and John gets back to work

John
(thinks)
Now it's time to find out whats really wrong with her.

Int. Mexican Restaurant - early evening
John is sitting at the table eating, while Rob and Stacy are kissing, although it looks as if Stacy's mind is on the food but Rob won't give her a chance to eat it. Stacy gets up and goes to the restroom.

Stacy
(turns to Rob)
I've got to go take a leak

John is surprised but what Stacy said but thinks nothing of it and continues to eat. Rob watches her leave, then turns around and looks at John smiling.

Rob
Well?

John
What?

Rob
You can't find anything wrong with her can you. It's impossible, she's an angel.

John
Well the sight of you two sucking each other's faces off is making me sick, so I'm gonna leave.

John gets up about to leave

Rob
Wait, wait. Don't be rude. You have to at least tell her you're leaving.

John
Alright

John sits down reluctantly

Stacy comes back and kisses Rob

John
Stacy, nice seeing you again I'm .....

As he speaks, he notices Stacy scratching her armpits.

Stacy
(starts eating her food with her hands)
Ohhh. I'm starving

Stacy burps, then blows a kiss with the sam breath, then gets back to eating. John just watches smiling, while Rob sits back in his chair with his head in his hands.

John
(looks at Rob)
You've got to be kidding me right?

All of sudden Stacy stops eating, with discomfort showing in her face.

Stacy
(looks at Rob)
Oh, oh. I think one is coming. Snuggle Bear did you bring the mask, because it's a big one.

Rob brings the gas mask out of his pocket and puts it on
John
What's coming?

Stacy falls to the ground and crouches, then lets out a fart that shakes the restaurant. The smell is so potent that the restaurant is evacuated, with some people fainting from the smell.

Int. apartment - night
Rob walks in to the apartment, while John is on the couch in a robe, with his skin red.

Rob
I should be the one red. Why are you red anyway?

John
They say that tomato juice gets out the smell of skunk, so hopefully this will work.

John says as he begins to laugh

Rob
Ha, ha, very funny. It's not her fault that her body produces such an offensiive smell

John
It's not just the farting thing. Now that I think about it, she ate food with her hands, she burped, she blew the burp to you in a kiss.

Rob
(walks towards his room)
But she was hot, so I thought I could get past the other stuff. But I couldn't so I broke up with her, and now I'm going to go burn my clothes.

John
Just one thing before you go. How did you meet her?

Rob
It was on the Army base, but she wasn't temping. You know that Weapon of Mass destruction that was in development, that everyone was protesting?

John
Yeah

Rob
It was her ass

John laughs while Rob goes into his room.

Fade Out