Play By Heart (Chapter 5)

          Kevin had certainly moved on. This was made obvious by the different girls he was seen around school with everyday. Much to Felecia’s chagrin, there were girls he was with that use to be her friends. It reminded her again that Shay was her closest and of course the most loyal friend.
          Felecia got the feeling that he was dating just to spite her. He had eyeballed her all week, even when he was with someone. She never expected that she would feel so betrayed about it, yet she did.
         Even when she told herself she was over him she knew she wasn’t, but when she thought of all the times he’d hurt her she knew she made the right decision.
          It was hard staying focus at school, because there were so many things happening at once. Felecia worked very hard on her piano practicing; but she had to work twice as hard on her schoolwork, which made it difficult to balance the two.
          As a result; she’d unwisely waited until the last second to do her English assignment. All she could do was hope Ms. Stevens would accept her report for what it was. Of course it wasn’t her best, but she could at least pass with a C.
          Felecia was slacking a lot in class. This was only as a result of the distractions at school. Usually she didn’t let rumors get to her, but there had been ones floating around about her and Kevin that seemed to wreck her brain all week. She didn’t copy notes. She didn’t pay attention. She just watched people stare and whisper. It was really frustrating.
          She was thankful that Shay helped to dispel the things people were saying about her, by telling them the truth; and that was Kevin was a liar.
          Felecia wouldn’t have been surprised if it was him spreading the rumors about her. He knew exactly what he was doing; making her miserable.
          After her last period English class, Ms. Stevens questioned Felecia about her behavior. “You haven’t been yourself these days, Felecia.”
          “I know.” She answered quietly, sweeping her fingers through her hair. Her ringlets had, for the most part had loss their curl. It was a result of her habit of nervously fixing her hair.
          Felecia stared at Ms. Stevens’s stern expression. She was looking for a response from her, but Felecia was too bewildered to answer.
          “I’m sorry.” It was all she could say.
          “I was reading your report.”
Ms. Stevens brushed off her red suit-dress, before sitting back behind her desk. “It’s not exactly your best effort.”
          “I know.”
A deep sigh escaped Felecia as she stood beside her desk. She knew the report didn’t live up to Ms. Stevens’s expectations but it would just have to do.
          “Well, in your opinion, what does this report deserve?”
          “Maybe a ‘C,”, Felecia answered honestly; “Or a C-minus.”
Ms. Stevens placed the paper in front of her and marked, C-plus. She handed it to Felecia and gave her a warning, “I expect more from you Ms. Albright. I want to see A-plus work next time.”
          Felecia nodded and walked out the classroom door. Her exasperation had mounted all day,and at that point she felt beyond worn out. It was doubteful she would even have the strength to attend the Homecoming dance that week. For one thing, she couldn’t stand being talked about any longer.
          Her new agenda revolved around sitting at home and sulking. Maybe she would listen to some jazz and try and think pleasant thoughts. She could only hope the thoughts would come to her mind. Needless to say, she wasn’t sure if she could think straight.

          “There’s three more days left!” Shay gushed, arriving beside her at her locker.
She had been bouncing off the walls for the last two weeks, She was now in Homecoming-overdrive by that point.
          The expressionless look on Felecia’s face proved their enthusiasm for Homecoming contrasted greatly. “You’ve go to get over this thing.” She told Felecia, leaning against the locker next to hers.
          “Everybody is talking about me, Shay.”
          Felecia could see the sympathy in her friend’s light brown eyes as she spoke, “What they’re saying is untrue. You just have to weather through it.”
          She reached over and hugged Felecia tightly. There was hardly any space in between them, and they laughed as there earrings got stuck together before pulling away.
          “What are you doing after school today?”
          “I don’t know.” Felecia whispered, as she closed the locker door in front of her. “I’ll probably put in a few hours at the book store.”
          “I’ll give you a ride.”
Felecia laughed, “What happened to cheerleading practice?” She slipped on her denim jacket over the black hooded sweat shirt she had on.
          “I quit the squad.”
It was probably because they were helping to spread rumors about Felecia. Shay would never hang with anyone that was badmouthing her; even if it meant giving up her spot on the squad.
          “Now I can work more, and see Jase more.”
          “Here we go…” Felecia began, as they made their way to Shay’s black Mitsubishi.
          “Nope, I’m not going to say anymore about him. My lips are sealed.”
Shay was holding back a smile behind her sealed lips. The happiness she felt was evident in her eyes.
          “How’s your little sister doing?” Felecia asked, before she could change her mind and say something about Jase.
          “She’s getting use to first grade.”
          Felecia was glad to hear Shay’s 6-year-old sister, Ruby was okay. Shay had been mentioned that Ruby wasn’t use to the kids at her school, and was very stand-offish. Coincidently, Felecia’s mother said she was the same way in Kindergarten. She wasn’t so much of an extrovert then but she got along with people for sure.
          “So,” Shay began. “It’s never too late to reconsider the Homecoming Dance.”
Felecia let out a deep breath. She wasn’t sure about it, and she couldn’t decide then.
          “Maybe so,”
Suddenly, a wry smile came across Shay’s face. It didn’t take mind-reading skills to know she was about to say something about Joel.
          “Before you say something about “you know who”; let it be known that I did not bring his name up first.”
          “We’re so giggly talking about our guys.”
He isn’t my guy, Felecia thought. It was really quite clear to her. “Jase is yours but Joel—“
          “You’re in denial.”
Felecia could only laugh now that this was the umpteenth time she’d said this. Shay had told her she was in denial so often that she was beginning to believe it.
          “If I had a dime for every time you said…”
          “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’d be rich.” Shay mumbled. “Why don’t you admit that you like him?”
          Felecia let out a sigh; somehow she was smiling through this frustration because just the mere thought of Joel made her smile. Yes, maybe she did like him.
          “You like him. Please, just admit it.”
          “Okay, alright. I like him. Are you happy?”
          Shay smiled in quiet celebration. It made Felecia laugh that her friend was happier than she was at this admission. It was almost as if she was the one coming clean. Needless to say, Felecia’s face was as red as the crisscross blouse Shay was wearing that day. She hated how often she seemed to blush when they brought up her piano instructor. She certainly wasn’t supposed to be fawning over him so often.
          “That Kevin,” Shay murmured, just when Felecia was beginning to feel all mushy inside over Joel. “No one could’ve done it but him.”
          Shay looked genuinely disturbed as she said this. It was almost as if she knew something that Felecia didn’t, and rather than bother to ask she simply brushed it off.

          By nine, Felecia was home from work and worn out. The night had gone slow, and she’d spent much of her time at the Bookstore either standing, leaning, or yawning. She ordinarily would’ve talked with her co-workers Jas and Laurie, but everything in her mind was depressing. She was overall physically and mentally fatigued.
          She had immediately changed into her pajamas, a tattered I love NY t-shirt, and sweats. A few minutes later, she sat down in her dimly lit living room. Marshmallow climbed into her lap. “Are you as restless as I am?” She asked the cat. The cat stared back at her with celestial green eyes, simply rubbing her head against Felecia’s stomach lovingly. If only they could trade spaces. At least Marshmallow was spared from having a tumultuous life.
          Felecia reclined in the chair and stared up at the ceiling. It always felt like just when things were going right something catastrophic would happen. The whole controversy with Kevin was taking place just as Felecia was beginning to communicate with her mother again; and get use to her piano lessons. He had always managed to bring her down when she was happy. She was convinced it was his specialty.

          It was times like these when Felecia longed for the better days. She longed for the days before there house became so lonely and bare. She longed for time when her mother and she danced in the kitchen; as her Uncle Drew sat and laughed.
          “Those days are gone.” She whispered.
As she summoned memories of her childhood; she found herself flipping through old photo albums and searching for home videos. All she found of the latter was one broken tape.
An exasperated sigh escaped her as she thought of how much she needed those times then. She wanted to get back those days so badly. Tears streamed down her eyes, while she sank down to the living room floor. “I want my uncle back.”
She whispered bringing her arms against her chest and felt the tears soaking through her shirt.

          She was still crying when she eventually got up from the floor. Felecia sat down at the piano not knowing what she was doing there, and began to play. She wasn’t sure of what she was playing or why she was playing it but the sounds that floated through her ears were beautiful. Felecia walked over to her open backpack and pulled out her notebook, and in an instant she was putting together words and music for a song.
          She wasn’t sure of the purpose, considering she didn’t sing and she had never written a song befor. Still, the words and the chords seemed so right. It was almost magical how it all came to place literally beneath her fingertips.
          Felecia spent another hour at the piano, humming and speaking the words under her breath. It became a beautiful melody to beautiful words. She titled the song ‘Back Then’. It wasn’t a song about recollecting the past; but instead a love song with trueness to its words. She wasn’t sure whose point of view she was writing from. No, she wasn’t in love, but the words sounded so right, that it was almost as if they were hers for a reason. Perhaps this was her way of venting; she always found that playing any other time relaxed her.

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         After school the next day, Felecia decided she would take a trip downtown to the music store. Before leaving she made sure to leave a message on her mother’s voicemail so she wouldn’t be wondering about where she was.
         She was trying to do all the right things. It was easy to get under her mother’s skin for attention, but now that she had it, she figured she might as well play by the rules.
         The El at the bus terminal took her right into downtown Philadelphia. The music store was located in the heart of Center City, tucked away on a side street. It carried a large selection but wasn't very large in capacity. Anything related to music you were guaranteed to find there. Felecia often talked up a storm with the cashier whom she knew by name now. She decided to pass that day, considering she was in a bit of a rush.
         “Hey Ritchie,” She yelled. Felecia walked to the back where the piano instruction books were. She wasn’t actually looking for a music book; but instead a book of staff paper suitable for transcribing the music she was writing. Felecia figured this was probably the most effective way to help her learn notes, and enhance her sight-reading. She was also hoping to get her song down on paper before it left her mind.
         She wasn’t sure where she was looking or whether it was the right section. So, she decided she’d ask Ritchie for the info.
         Ritchie was a thirty-something Caucasian man with sandy blond hair that reached all the way down to his back. He sort of had a Bohemian look about him, that wasn’t reflected by his taste in Bluegrass and Classic Country music. He did, although, have a lot of musical knowledge. Ritchie even claimed to play every brass instrument known to man.
         He was trying out a Harmonica as she approached him.
         “Ritchie, I need to know if you have any staff paper.”
“Sure, hold on a second and I’ll go find some.” A few people floated in as Felecia waited at the cash register for Ritchie. They looked like musicians; one of them was wearing a guitar case, the other sat down something that looked like a large drum.
         “Hey, here you go.” Felecia turned around to see Ritchie standing with a thick book of staff paper in his hands. “That’ll be ten dollars, babe.”
         Felecia reached in the pocket of her corduroy blazer, and found her wallet. It probably wasn’t the smartest place for a wallet, but she’d opted for that over her purse.
         Ritchie quickly rang her book up. “No jazz music today?” he asked, smiling.
Felecia was astonished she had passed the section without a glance. “Ritchie, I’m running out of cash.” It was true, even though she was guaranteed a check from the book store that week. She had been holding on to emergency "dress" money for a long time.
         “There’s a lot of CD’s on sale back there. The used ones are really cheap.”
         Felecia argued with herself, checked her watch and then decided she might as well take a chance. As she walked towards the back of the store, even more people flooded in. Suddenly, the store was booming with customers and there was very little space.

         Felecia browsed through the aisle, and on the way back grabbed up Coltrane and Miles Davis. Her classical and jazz collection was really beginning to grow. Thanks to a few stops at the music shop, she nearly had two dozen CDs from both genres.
         Felecia felt someone come and stand at her side. This person, obviously a man, was very preoccupied with the music in the jazz section and had been meticulously browsing through every CD. As he did he talked to himself, and argued with which one he should choose.
         When Felecia caught sight of his paint-speckled sneakers, she thought of Joel. Could this be him? It was just too much of a coincidence for him to be there.
         Her suspicions were confirmed when she finally dared to look at his face. As she stared up at his flawless features, she felt her heart speed up and knees weaken.
         Joel, who had been standing beside her all along, was casually dressed in blue jeans, a thin button down shirt and a black cap. Felecia was amazed she hadn’t recognized him from the start. His face seemed to pe permanently embedded in her mind.
         She was definitely shocked to see him there; so shocked that she was breifly immobile as she stood and listened to the sound of his voice.

'Joel, I like how sexy your voice is,' she thought, hoping he wasn’t doing his mind-reading thing. Her moment of giggly-teeneager-ness was surprising.
         Felecia knew that Joel was oblivious that she was there, and decided she would pretend she hadn’t seen him either. She snuck off very quietly to the cash register and continued to watch Joel as she waited for her things. She wondered to herself just how he was driving her crazy, and what was it that made him so special?
         “Excuse me… Uh, Excuse me.”
Felecia turned around and saw Ritchie with her CDs in his hands. “Thank You, Rich.”
         “I was about to warn you that if you stared any harder you’d hurt your eyes.”
Felecia laughed and waved goodbye, as she made her way out the door. Felecia walked with wobbly legs down to the end of the street; knowing that the smile plastered on her face was bound to stay there the rest of the day. She was reminded that her lesson was only two days a way, and she was really excited.
         Maybe it was confidence that persuaded her to go, but somehow Felecia found herself in a dress shop at the mall nearby. Whether she was going to the dance or not, she had managed to shell out a cool seventy bucks of her emergency money for a chiffon lavender dress with sewn-on sequins. If she could gather up the courage maybe she would actually wear that dress and go to the dance. Just… Maybe.