"Moving On"

As I look up in time to see him pass by my desk, I begin to wonder when things started to go wrong. I flash back to the good times--playing hide and seek behind our dads, reading under tables, just the simplest conversations we used to have. It was the smallest things that made him the friend and overall person he was. I try to remember a time when I have felt like this before but fail. Sooner or later I will have to accept the fact that he has changed, or maybe it’s me. I’m not quite sure. Either way we have lost that connection, the mutual understanding we once had. It’s all so unreal to me. He passes by without even the slightest glance in my direction. The pain shoots through me once again. I try to tear away from him, but it’s impossible. I’m deep in some sort of trance. I don’t even know the person I’m looking at. It’s as if he’s a stranger to me now, only a mere shadow of the person he once was. Even on the few occasions when our eyes meet I feel as if I’m looking into the unknown, some sort of a forbidden place that you don’t dare even go near. As I look even deeper into his eyes, I begin to feel a strong hatred towards him. I feel as if I have been betrayed in so many ways. The mention of his name brings me dangerously close to tears that want to fall ... that need to fall. He has no idea of the confusion I hold inside. I long to tell him. I know I shouldn’t. He wouldn’t understand. No one can. I loved him dearly as a friend, although how much he meant to me went unknown. Now as I see him smile and look at his friends those feelings rush back like tidal waves. I begin to understand he can’t return the feelings, maybe he just doesn’t want to. Either way, I’m moving on.