contemplations and a hangover

cool tile supporting warm cheek
shaking hands fisted, covering furrowed brow
and eyes shut tight in defense against
leering fluorescent lighting
(incapable of self-defense,
by him i am left) covered in bruises
the size of fingertips and fists
a dull pulse in my head
and nothing to do but sit and wonder
where you are
(a knock on locked door induces
a few slurred words taken as proof of life)
and if you're thinking of me
like i need you to be
it's breaking me up
love, it's tearing me down
(together in the dark and
we weren't lonely anymore)
i'm sorry you got caught in this mess
maybe it's for the best
you can't see me like this...
(damp strands of hair across face
mouth tasting of iron
bottom lip wet and seeping into crook of elbow)
but i want your arms around me
i want your voice in my ear
as often as your face and words
play across my mind
please save me
(strong of will and weak of sense
i need you to) save me from myself
i am a creature whose only desire
is to chew off a limb to see if she bleeds
(stomach heaves, false alarm
sound muffled by front of shoulder)
you've been my only friend
you picked me up from my worst state
of melancholy and razor blades
dusted me off
(with fingertips and mouth, you showed me
how beautiful these scars can be)
and made me forget how much
i wanted to give up
please save me again...