StillBorn

Stillborn


How I anticipated your slightest move!
Stood awkward and sideways, inches from the mirror.
Imagined the swelling, romanced your growth.
I even welcomed the nauseating waves...
For I could truly feel your existence!
Weeks passed and surely it was so!
Every dream I had ever had
Became my sweetest reality.
You twisted and turned
My insides almost out.
Oh, how you filled me with such love!

I stressed my every possible slight.
Should your walls be pink or green or yellow?
And carefully I chose an affectionate theme-
The furniture, the clothes- your first everything.
You continued to fill my deepest void.
You hiccuped and flipped.
You punched and kicked.
Oh, how you made yourself known!
I fell in love with your heartbeat!
I chose your name.
I counted days.
I thanked the Lord above.

'Til one day contractions ripped at my being~
And I cursed the everything
I had grown to love.
I was numb with the drip
Of Labor's high,
That birthed you cold
From my feverish womb.
My wet warmth
Barely swaddled you,
Until the nurses wiped it away.
And when I held you for the first time-
I realized it would also be the last.
My baby girl lay lifeless...
Her cheek upon my breast.
I never even heard her cry.
What I would give to have had even that...


I will always love you,
Mommy


© Copyright 2003 Amy Williamson (UN: aswan at Writing.Com). All rights reserved. Amy Williamson has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.