Fat Wednesday

"If Jesus came back and saw what's going on
in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."
Woody Allen, "Hannah and Her Sisters"

Fat Wednesday

What’s with the ashes
on your forehead?
Jesus asked me
the other day.

I was shocked he didn’t know.
Because it’s Ash Wednesday!
I replied.

That’s not an answer –
why do you have ashes
on your forehead
in the shape of a cross?
he repeated
as he fingered his many strings
of Mardi Gras beads.

Because it’s Ash Wednesday
and that’s what we do.
Quite frankly
you of all people
should really know about this!
I said, disconcerted,
eyeing a strand
of shiny purple bobbles.

I should know
why you have ashes
smudged on your forehead?
he probed.

Yes, you know, Lent?
Ever hear of it?
I asked, flabbergasted.

He snorted when he laughed.
I’m asking the questions,
remember?

Yeah,
I replied.
And look where that got you!
Who did you think
you were, anyway –
Socrates?

Touché,
he said, winking at me.
But don’t be a wiseass –
I’m serious,
why are you wearing the ashes?
What do they mean to you?

I don’t know –
honor? remembrance?
sacrifice? taking up the cross?
Oh crap, I don’t know,
you tell me!

This time he laughed
(a very ungodly belly laugh)
and when he caught his breath
he licked his finger
and rubbed the ashes off my forehead.

Then he took the string
of shiny purple beads
and placed them around my neck.

Wow, thanks –
And I didn’t even
have to flash you!
I teased.

He walked away
holding onto his sides

still laughing.