for the record, there is no record

Due to little or no record kept of my past
And the burning blistered fingers
broken strings
and symbolistic things
kept inside a box
of yester year
when i toughened each callous
i so proudly wear
when i gave in to the temptation
and finalized the culmination
of late night ::tap tap taps:: on my window
And spent days that were months
crying in bed
over losing a friend
and losing a hard strapping boner pretending to be one.
And when the creeks of the doors were the loudest noise
when i was trying to help you sneak outside
in the middle of the night
with nothing but a pocket knife, sometimes a bike
and an unknown destination
just away
and we never stopped
just kept careening down the road
and more than once clothes were too much
swimming in the freezing cold
sometimes the rapids just took me with them
or....flowed right through.
And party after party i recall seeing you
there
and waking up lying next to you
watching the sunset and rise again
and lying outside on that hill - wet from the dew or rain
looking up at the endless sky
falling into the stars on those sleepless nights
I'm so far
far
far
from there
and that awkward moment alone in between him and her and him and her
And the heap of countless teenage bodies, blankets, pillows, and raging hormones on the living room floor
left marks on my mattress and bedroom decor
5o'clock in the morning
running in the rain
red salty face, red eyes, red nipples poking through
diving in the water again
alone
the over whelming sickening smell of dead fish dissolved with the view
ice cream cone in hand
as we walked down the pier
while the lake and the water color sky imbued
or barefoot on the beach waiting for them
opening up
and closing again
highs and lows around every corner as we clambered through
the summer of a life time
and to remember that its all true
to remember what i learned
what made me adept
i write this
yes, heres to little or no record kept


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