Dr. Finkerstang, stinkologist...

Deep within the confines of the hollowed out Mount Snizzlefit, in a secret lair, we once again find the famous Dr. Armon Finkerstang...

Once a world renowned stinkologist, specialziing in sniffology, Dr. Finkerstang now lurks about his laboratory; promising that one day he shall be seen as the brilliant stinkologist that he is. No longer will he be looked down upon and referred to as "Dr. Fumblestang". One little incident, and he is reduced to hiding in a mountain. For, he dare not be seen in public. He couldn't bare the feeling of thousands of eyes watching him, whispering, pointing.

I mean, how was he supposed to know that putting five speeds on an electric nose hair trimmer was a bad idea? It sure seemed like a good one at the time...Apparently, though, the 5th speed was too fast. It instantly singed nose hairs right off. Not only did it burn nostrils, but it caused a number of breathing problems due to the excess amount of dust and allergens being inhaled without nose hairs to filter them. Honestly, who knew that nose hairs were so gosh darned important?

Oh, well, it doesn't matter now. None of it does. He is going to show them all...
Throughout his time as a stinkologist, Dr. Finkerstang noticed that most people had the same complaint: men stink. Deodorant just doesn't hold up to its name. And, no matter how hard they try, guys can't stop the "stink". Or, can they?

Dr. Finkerstang is in the midst of developing a new drug that will react with the bacteria found in armpits, and other stinkily populated areas, creating pleasant scents. These scents are specifically designed to be extremely appealing to women and children. After, three gruling, sweaty, stench infested years, he's just about got it...

The drug, which can be administered either in the form of a pill (60 200mg pills every 3 hours), or suppository (1 16oz. capsule every 45 min.) comes in 4 alluring scents: Plumeria, Wild Rose, Wango Mango, and Sauerkraut (Dr. Finkerstang really likes sauerkraut). The Doctor is almost completely satisfied with the drug. It just needs a few slight adjustments...

It seems that the Plumeria, despite smelling wonderful, causes the skin to turn purple. I'm sorry, not purple, purple with electric blue polka-dots. Wild Rose causes thinning of the hair, eventually leading to total baldness (atop the head); while, at the same time, causing extreme "furriness" of the buttocks. However, the patient is made to smell like roses (decaying roses, but roses nonetheless). Wango Mango has a bit too much "Wango". Even though Dr. Finkerstang is not quite sure what "Wango" is exactly, he does know that it causes people to "make monkey noises" and "crave sardine&banana ice cream". Sauerkraut seems to be the only successful version of the drug. That is, if you can call smelling like sauerkraut a success.