A Stranger in the Night

A Stranger in the Night

I was crying. The warm blood flowed slowly down my arm from the dead mans head. I held it close to my body, pulling his limp torso towards myself. The tears ran down my face mixing with the blood. I had that strange copper taste in my mouth. I wasn’t even quite sure if it was my blood which I tasted or his. I was drunk off the blood.

This is the end. This is rock bottom.

My vision cleared. I focused immediately on the gun. It was right next to the body, half covered in a red blanket of snow.

I need to erase this personality.
I need to remove all things, good and bad, from inside.
I need to be completely empty.

The gun was freezing, stinging my hand as I picked it up and soon numbing it completely.

How long have I been down here?

I wiped the tears away with my now blood-soaked sleeve. My aimless gaze turned quickly to an evil glare. I carefully let the body down and rose from the ground, the gun still trembling in my hand. My body was silhouetted against the darkness in my mind. I was aware.

It’s not worth getting up.
I should stay down here forever.

I slowly walked through the darkness. I stalked the demon inside myself. Routing my anger down the paths that lay destroyed before me.

I have no reason to be here anymore.
The gun in my hand tastes so sweet.

I saw the lights so far ahead. I moved toward them staying in the darkness as I went. There were people there. I could see smiles, happiness. I could see all the things I would never have. As I walked I could also see evil. There was darkness in almost every person. And my own carnal aberrations showed like fire in the night.

I am not afraid to die.
Whatever pain that awaits me I am ready for.
As soon as I can pull this trigger I will leave.

I stepped into the light; the brightness blinded me while my pupils shrunk to nothing. As everything became clear I became sick on the ignorant content which had surrounded me. Each person was so happy, so blissful. Each one had dreams, hopes, and so much to care about. I vomited on my shoes. I must have swallowed more blood than I had thought.

I will miss you all.
I hope you realize what you have done for me.
I am only sorry for the trouble this may cause you.

I walked to the side of the now crowded street and sat on the curb. I was quickly ignored by the masses of people around me. They had better things to do. That lady was going home to see her daughter, this one going on a blind date. I saw a man laughing with the pretty girl who held his hand. He didn’t know that she had been banging his best friend for months. He was perfectly content at that moment, and as I watched my stomach once again turned in disgust.

There is a problem.
The trigger won’t pull, no.
No. I can’t pull the trigger. What the fuck?
I want to pull it.

How could I live in this fucked up place? The man I left dead in the wood line loved this world more than anything. I despised it. I wanted to take the weapon I held and destroy everything around me. But the gun was gone.


I am not upset.
I am perfectly calm.
If I could only figure out why I cant do this.
But the gun is already out of my hand.
I fall back and stare at the ceiling.
It was like a dream that hurt worse than any nightmare.

I didn’t want to be there but I realized I had no choice. Picking myself slowly off that curb I walked aimlessly down the endless roads. I was looking for a reason to keep walking.

I am wandering through endless darkness.