Lost amongst it all

I cry every night, without shedding a tear. Now although that might sounds absurd at first, most anyone who will read this will know exactly what I am talking about. Maybe it is human nature, or maybe it is just a select few who spend there whole life searching for the dream, to realize they have left behind oh so many. Now I am still young, and am thought to be inexperience, in faith, in love, but most of all, in life itself.

I often get swept away in the feeling of being anyone else, anywhere but here. I lie in bed at night, just thinking of all the possibilities that someone is capable of. But whether I expect that someone to be me, is a completely different story.

How can you truly know if someone cares about you? And if you care about them, why is it so difficult to say so? Three simple words, that hold SO MUCH upon each breath. Weightless in mind but out loud…

I try so hard to hold back what I don’t want to feel. Mostly just the sadness that seeps in when I least expect it or admit it. I do my best to avoid “emotional” situations, yet I bathe in them whenever I get the chance on screen. To watch someone else’s heartache. Maybe it is the feeling that I am not alone, or that is I can let it out with strangers, mine won’t hurt quite as bad. The fact is they do. There is so much inside that I will maybe never know because I am so afraid to let it out. What might happen if I felt. If I could feel. Maybe I will never know. Or maybe I already do. Whichever the case may be I have drawn it to one conclusion. It shall stay where it belongs until I find safety.