The Philosophy Of Love (part 2)

It took Amy half an hour to find her way out of the bustling airport. She couldn’t bring herself to go straight back home, she had to at least try. She emerged into to the sunlight, blinking as her eyes adjusted. She contemplated the soaring tower blocks, the rows of yellow mini-cabs, and the swarms of people going about their daily business. She felt exhausted and dejected. She decided that the best idea would be to check into a motel, have a bath and something to eat, and then find another phone book and ring all the Carters to see if any of them had a son called James.
When she awoke, shadows enveloped the room, she sat up in confusion as she remembered where she was. The sleep had rejuvenated her and she suddenly felt very hungry. She called room service and asked them to bring up some pizza and the New York Pages. She spent two hours calling all the Carters in the directory. It was a fruitless exercise; none of them had an 18-year-old boy called James in their family. Amy fell back on the bed and sobbed in frustrated hopelessness. She was dragged back into a dreamless sleep that calmed her until morning.
Amy had no idea what she was going to do. Either James was ex-directory or his number wasn’t in the phone book yet. She struggled desperately to think of another way to find him but she couldn’t think of one. The common sense in her was telling her to go back to the airport and get on the first plane back home, but her heart wouldn’t let her. She figured that someone in the city must know who James was, so she decided to wander the streets in search in him. She knew it was a stupid idea, like looking for a needle in a hay stack, but it was all she could do.
She checked out of the motel and was horrified by the bill. She hadn’t realised how much all those phone calls had cost last night. She’d have to be a bit more careful if she was going to be able to afford food, lodgings and the plane ticket home. She asked the hotel secretary for a list of all the clubs in the area, this would be a good place to start, as James’ whole life seemed to revolve around his music. As no clubs would be open until the evening, she spent the day window shopping and locating which clubs James would be most likely to visit.
As the day drew to a close and dusk settled over the city, a shadow of apprehension appeared over Amy’s heart. She realised that she was just a little girl, alone in a big city, in an extremely vulnerable position. She was determined not to give up though, she had become obsessed with the quest for James and she was not about to give up now. She walked quickly down the dark streets, past tramps lying in doorways, skirting drunks who leered at her and shouted propositions. That night, she checked out two goth clubs, asking around to see if anyone had heard of James or his band. In the morning she checked into another hotel and slept through the day.
This pattern continued for a few days without any rewards. James was nowhere to be found. Amy was getting dangerously low on funds, she had thought that she would have found him by this time and would be on her way home. She’d been skipping lunches but she wouldn’t be able to afford motels now either. She’d have to sleep on the streets or find a very cheap hostel. It wouldn’t be that hard as she’d be sleeping in the day, so she could just go to a park or something. That night, she went to two more clubs as usual, then as morning dawned she found a quiet corner of a small park and curled up under her coat. She was woken a couple of hours later by laughter and shouting. She sat up and squinted into the sunlight at the children playing nearby. She drifted back into sleep but was woken yet again by rain pattering around her. She retreated into a nearby café and sat shivering and dejected. This would never work.
As she sipped her coffee, a tall girl wearing a short skirt and an outrageous top approached her. The girl looked about her age and wore a friendly expression on her heart shaped face. Her blonde hair rambled in curls all over her head and fell into her eyes at the front. She sat next to Amy and lit up a cigarette.
“You want one?” she offered, in an American drawl.
“No thanks, I don’t smoke,” Amy replied.
“Neither do I,” stated the girl somewhat ironically. Amy smiled.
“So, what are you doing here? No offence, but you look pretty terrible. You been sleeping rough?” Amy hesitated, she wasn’t sure whether to tell the truth.
“Kind of,” she replied, deciding not to give too much away yet.
“Tell ya what,” chirped the girl, “if you need a place to stay you can come and stay with me. I didn’t have anywhere to go when I first came here either, but I found this place where they took me in and looked after me. They’d like you, you’d fit in.” Amy was amused, she’d only just met this girl and she was already offering her a place to stay and making judgements about her personality.
“What’s your name?” Amy asked.
“Lola,” she told her, “so, you wanna come or not?” Amy contemplated her situation. She did need a place to stay, and Lola seemed nice. Amy like her extreme appearance and her carefree manner of speaking.
“OK,” she replied, “thanks a lot.”

Amy followed Lola down a back street, into a tall, denigrated, block of flats. They climbed 10 flights of stairs and came face to face with a bright red front door. Amy followed Lola into the hall and stopped, the apartment was large inside and decorated in rich, dark reds. There was a long hallway lined with closed doors. The girls walked down to the end of the hall and entered a large sitting room. This room was also red and there were plush sofas all around. There was a bar in one corner, full of bottles and bowls of sweets and candleholders with black candles in them lined the walls. A large woman in a floor length, backless dress sat on one sofa. She looked Amy up and down enquiringly when she entered.
“This is Amy,” Lola told her, “She has nowhere to stay so I said we’d look after.” The woman’s face brightened.
“Amy,” she gushed, getting up and walking over to her, “what a lovely name! Aren’t you beautiful! O, well done Lola, she’ll do so well!” What did she mean? What was this place? The woman introduced herself, “I’m Penny, I run the place, I look after the girls who come here. Lola will show you to your room and show you the ropes. You can have the gothic room,” she said after a moments thought, “that will suit you best.” Amy was totally confused. The gothic room? Show her the ropes?
On the way back down the hall, Lola pointed out various doors: the kitchen, the toilet, the bathroom. The other rooms were the other girl’s rooms and she needed permission to go into. Access to Penny’s room was forbidden. When Amy entered her room she gasped in surprise. It was so beautiful, everything she’d imagined her dream bedroom to be. The walls were covered in very dark purple, silky wallpaper and the carpet and ceiling were black. There was a chandelier in the middle of the ceiling and a black leather sofa in one corner. The bed had a wrought iron head and foot, and black silk sheets. There was a full-length mirror on one wall, next to a walk-in closet. Lola turned to leave but Amy stopped her.
“What is this place?” she asked “What did Penny mean ‘Show me the ropes’?” Lola just laughed.
“Get settled in first, you look like you could do with a sleep. I’ll explain everything to you later.” Amy sighed and put her bag in the closet. She didn’t bother to unpack because she wouldn’t be staying long. She was surprised to find the closet full clothes but she didn’t pay much attention to them as she was suddenly overcome with tiredness. She lay on the bed and smiled as she felt the silk beneath her skin. She was amazed at how well decorated the apartment was, Penny must be very rich and generous. Before long she was asleep and was woken by Lola knocking on her door.
“Rise and shine sleepy head!” she sang, “Time for breakfast!”
“Oh, I’m not really hungry,” Amy replied groggily. Lola just laughed.
“Hurry up and get dressed,” she chivvied, “make yourself look beautiful, its gonna be a long night.” Amy sat up and looked around. No light shone in through the cracks between the curtains. She glanced at her watch. 11pm. Her head ached from confusion and exhaustion; she wished she was back home in her own warm bed, surrounded by her familiar things. What was she doing here? What was going on? What had Lola and Penny been talking about?
Amy walked to the bathroom and splashed her face with water. Even the bathroom was ornately decorated, gold trimming surrounded everything and a chandelier cast a dim light over the room. After straightening her hair and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Amy followed the sound of manic laughter down the hall to the sitting room. When she got there she found Lola stretched out on the sofa, eyes wide, laughing hysterically. Two other girls sat on the other sofas, one staring ahead into space, the other engrossed in a crystal ashtray. Neither acknowledged her presence. As she stood staring, Penny emerged from behind the bar and gave her a knowing smile.
“Hello sweetheart,” she schmoosed, “Did you sleep well?” Before Amy had a chance to answer Penny pushed a glass of soda into her hand. “Drink up!” she chirped. Amy suddenly found that she was very thirsty and downed the soda, not caring that it tasted a bit funny. She went and sat down next to Lola who had calmed down a bit and tried to get her to explain what was going on. She might as well have not been there, Lola never even met her eye. As she watched Lola in her amused state, a feeling of happiness crept over Amy. She felt happy to be there, happy that Lola seemed happy, happy to be alive. Before she knew what was happening she was laughing too. She laughed so hard that tears ran down her cheeks and her stomach ached. She was euphoric, she thought her heart was going to explode as all the joy in the world flowed into it.
After the laughter subsided she looked around the room. Everything was glittering and beautiful. She knelt on the floor and ran her hand over the sheepskin rug that lay beneath her feet. Nothing had ever felt so soft before. The softness enveloped her and all the hairs on her body stood on end as little torrents of pleasure ran through her. She closed her eyes and moaned with pleasure, letting herself be carried away on a fluffy cloud into the velvet night. Before long, she noticed a balding man in a grey suit sitting on the sofa watching her with interest. She smiled a huge smile at him, trying to share her euphoria but somehow she couldn’t manage to convey the emotion of the moment. She needed him to know how it felt to be this happy, he had to feel it too.
Amy began to get up but before she had risen to her feet, Lola had deposited herself next to the man and draped her arm around his shoulders. She whispered something into his ear and he smiled. Amy watched intrigued as Lola seduced him. She giggled, entwining her fingers around the back of his hair and running her tongue round the inside of his ear. Her hand ran up and down the inside of his leg as she looked deep into his eyes. Soon, she got up and led him out of the room by his hand. Amy was puzzled by this behaviour but came to the conclusion that the man must be Lola’s boyfriend.
Letting herself sink back into her euphoria, Amy flew through the stars, to other galaxies, experiencing revolutionary new feelings as she went. She wanted to dance, she wanted to sing, she wanted to stand on top of the highest mountain and scream at the top of her lungs that she was the luckiest person alive. Instead, she felt Penny lift her up onto the sofa and shake her gently. Amy opened her eyes and came back down to earth. Penny pointed to a young man sitting on the opposite sofa. He looked nervous, glancing furtively around the room. He wringed his hands in his lap and surveyed the door.
“Look after him,” Penny told her, “Give him whatever he wants.” She put a couple of small packets into Amy’s pocket and pushed her towards him. Amy didn’t understand what she meant but she didn’t care. She was overwhelmed with pity for the man. He needed to relax and feel happy as she did. She sat down next to him and introduced herself. His name was Martin and he worked as a junior executive in a bank. They talked for a while and Amy began to like him. She suddenly felt very free and uninhibited, as if she was invincible. Normally Amy was very shy around guys but she found herself flirting with Martin as if she had all the confidence in the world.
When he suggested a little more privacy she took him to her bedroom and lay back onto the bed. She shivered with pleasure as she experienced the feeling of the silk sheets against her skin for the second time. Martin sat on the bed next to her and she pulled off his shirt.
“Lie down,” she told him, “the silk feels so good against your skin.” She took her blouse off too and rubbed herself against the bed. Martin lay down and pulled her on top of him. Then he pushed her down towards her trousers. She took them off obediently and started to move back up the bed but he took her face in his hands and moved her towards his erect penis. Without even thinking, Amy took it in her mouth and began to caress it gently with her tongue. Martin let out a deep breath and relaxed into the sheets. Amy was thrilled that he finally seemed to be sharing her pleasure. She sucked harder until he was moaning and writhing beneath her. Then he came with a cry of delight and Amy lay back satisfied. She didn’t remember what happened after that. It was just a confusion of bodies and sweat and moans and pleasure.

Sunlight streamed in through the crack in the curtains and the street bustled outside. Amy lay in bed and listened to the sounds of cabs beeping, lorries revving and people hurrying about their daily business. Her head pounded and waves of nausea passed over her. She felt dizzy and someone kept sticking needles into her eyes. She staggered towards the bathroom, desperate for some water. Her throat was like sandpaper and her body ached all over. Her vagina was raw, it felt as if someone had stuck a cactus up it. As she knelt over the toilet she tried to remember the events of last night. They were a blur, a distant nightmare that was over now.
She wandered into the kitchen and saw Lola and another girl hunched over cups of coffee. The remains of last nights make-up was smeared all over Lola’s face
And her hair stuck up in greasy tufts. The kitchen was shabby. Paint peeled off the walls and the lino floor was covered in stains. The corners were full of cobwebs and the surfaces were caked with dirt. It was nothing like the rest of the flat.
“Morning,” Amy croaked.
“Mmmm,” was the reply. Amy poured herself a coffee and sat down. A tabby cat entwined itself around her legs purring. She looked up as Penny walked in and deposited two rolled up cigarettes on the table. Lola and the other girl grabbed them so fast that they startled Amy and the cat who fled to a dark corner of the kitchen.
“So how was your first night then?” Penny enquired. Amy turned and saw that the question was directed at her.
“Erm, I’m not really sure. It was OK I guess.” Lola smiled.
“You like your soda?” Amy looked confused. Penny rolled her eyes and began to explain.
“OK, last night, that was GHB. It’s a drug that helps lower your inhibitions. I thought you could use it. You did pretty well for your first try. You worked hard. You’ll get $20 of the $200 you made. The rest goes to me for food and board.” Things started becoming clear. Too clear. Amy felt sick again.
“I don’t do drugs,” she protested. Lola laughed.
“You do now sweedie!” Amy looked at her in disgust.
“You’re… You’re…. a prostitute?” Lola laughed again. “You tricked me! Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want to do this! I-” She stopped as Lola collapsed onto the table in hysterics. The air had become filled with a thick, sickly smelling smoke. The other girl who sat at the table shoved her roll up into Amy’s hand.
“Here, this’ll make you feel better” Amy pushed it back to her and stood up.
“I don’t want it!” she cried, “I don’t want any of this!” She rushed back to her bedroom as tears streamed down her face. Sobs shook her small frame as she threw herself onto her bed and buried her face into the silk. She must have fallen asleep from exhaustion because when she opened her eyes the room was dusky and the flat was quiet. She had to get out of there. She couldn’t get caught up in this. She packed her bag and walked into the empty sitting room. It all made sense now, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t guessed it was a brothel from the red velvet, the chandeliers. She walked over to the bar and looked at the bowls. Drugs. Every kind of drug you could ever want. A pink glass bowl containing something that looked like sherbet must have been cocaine. Chocolate raisins laced with acid, pills of all colours shapes and sizes. A voice from behind her made her jump.
“You want some?” It was Lola. “You can take whatever you want, Penny doesn’t mind. Try the little purple ones, they’re amazing.”
“No thanks,” replied Amy coldly. “I’m leaving now actually.”
“Leaving where? Where you gonna go? You ain’t gonna survive on your own out there sweetie. They eat little girls like you for breakfast.”
“I’ll be fine”
“No you won’t. Stay here. Penny will look after you. She’s been so good to me. My bitch of a mother kicked me out but Penny was there for me. Life’s never been so good.”
“Look at yourself Lola, you’re so fucking stupid. You’re dependant on drugs, sleeping with men just so you have somewhere to stay-”
“It’s a small price Amy and its called surviving. If you wanna try and survive on your own then go ahead but I won’t be surprised if I find you lying dead in the gutter tomorrow morning.”
“Goodbye Lola. Have a nice life.” And with that, Amy walked out into the busy street where she found herself alone once again.

Sitting in a café on 48th street, Amy thought about what she was going to do next. She still had to find James but she didn’t know where to start. Part of her wanted to give up and go back home but she’d always been a determined person and she just couldn’t let herself fail. She counted her money. $50 plus the $20 she’d earned from the night before. That wasn’t much, she’d have to find a way to get some more cash before she didn’t have enough to eat. Maybe Penny’s place wasn’t so bad after all. At least it was a place to stay. If she went back she’d have food and somewhere to sleep, and she could look for James during the day when she wasn’t…. working.
Amy decided to see if she could think of any other alternatives first. She didn’t want to get dragged into the drugs scene. She’s seen what it could do to people. She looked round the café, searching for inspiration. A man in the corner was staring at her. He was quite attractive and looked clean cut despite his tousled hair and stubble. He had friendly green eyes and flashed Amy a smile which revealed perfect white teeth. Amy smiled back and he walked over to her table.
“Hey babe,” he drawled in the American accent that Amy had now become accustomed to. “What’s a pretty girl like you doin’ sittin’ in a café all by yourself? Shouldn’t you have some handsome boyfriend on your arm?” Amy laughed nervously.
“No. No boyfriend.” The guy sat down.
“I’m Jason.”
“I’m Amy.”
“Amy? That’s a beautiful name. You know you could be a model with a body like yours.” Alarm bells rung in Amy’s head and she got up to leave but before she could say anything another guy approached her table.
“Jase? What are you doing? I’ve told you about harassing young girls in cafes!” He winked at Amy. He had a cheeky grin and sparkling blue eyes that reminded Amy of champagne. “I apologise for my friend,” he continued addressing Amy. “He’s notorious for this, fancies himself as a bit of a sex god.” Jason looked taken aback and Amy had to giggle. “I’m Charlie,” said Jason’s friend, holding out his hand. Amy shook it, blushing self-consciously.
“I’m Amy,” she said as she sat down again. Jason didn’t seem so intimidating now Charlie was here to keep him in check. The three of them chatted for a while. The boys were 19 and shared an apartment down town. They were originally from California but were taking a gap year to have some fun. Amy told them that she was here looking for an old friend but admitted that she wasn’t really sure where to start. When they asked her where she was staying she looked into her coffee and stayed silent.
“Ahh,” said Charlie knowingly, “a runaway.” Amy blushed.
“Not exactly.”
“It’s OK,” Charlie reassured her. “Hey, you can come and stay with us if you want. We’ll even help you look for your friend.” Amy hesitated, thinking about what had happened the last time she’d trusted somebody.
“Umm, I don’t think so. I mean I don’t really know you.”
“Well, we’re not crack addicts or axe murderers, so there’s really no reason to be scared of us.” Amy weighed up her options. Even if she slept in the park she’d soon run out of money for food, she did need help finding James and this certainly sounded better than drugs and prostitution. “Tell ya what,” Charlie continued. “Let us take you out for the day, show you the sites, and you can get to know us. If you don’t like us by the end of the day, we’ll go back to our apartment and you never have to see us again.” That sounded fair.
“OK,” Amy agreed, feeling much happier already.
That day, Jason and Charlie took Amy round New York. They showed her the world famous Statue of Liberty, walked her up Wall Street and took her to Times Square. Amy was dazzled by the bright lights and glamour of the city and was charmed by the boys who bought her presents and held her hand. As it began to get dark Charlie leaned in whispered to her.
“There’s just one more thing we have to show you.” The boys led her through the narrow back streets of New York. They walked past shit-faced men shooting up and prostitutes touting for business. Amy started to get nervous. Why would they show her this and spoil the fantastic day she’d just had?
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Don’t worry,” said Charlie, seeing the anxious look in her eyes, “We’re getting close to our apartment. He put his arm round Amy protectively and she felt safe. They turned a corner and started down yet another alley when Amy stopped abruptly.
“This is a dead end.” The boys looked at her, their eyes burning with passion. Amy’s chest tightened. She turned and started to run but Charlie grabbed her round the waist and pushed her onto the floor. She tried to scream but no sound would come out and Charlie clamped his hand over her mouth to ensure silence. As Charlie held her down, Jason ripped off her trousers and raped her. Tears of pain ran down Amy’s face as he grinded against her already raw insides. He fucked her so hard she thought she might pass out but as quickly as it had begun, it was over. Now it was Charlie’s turn.
“I’m sorry babe,” he said as he looked into her eyes and unzipped his trousers. “You’re a really cute girl, you could’ve done well for yourself.” He pushed himself deep into her and closed his eyes. Amy closed her eyes too, trying to imagine that she was somewhere else, but she couldn’t shut out his awful moans of pleasure as he came inside her. Amy was shaking as Charlie got up and winked at Jason. “Thanks, that was great,” he told Amy, before grabbing her bag and running off laughing. Amy stumbled to her feet and tried to chase after them. Her bag had everything in it, she couldn’t let them take it. She shouted for help but nobody answered. The boys were much faster than her and she quickly lost them in the dingy alleys.
She leant against the wall, exhausted and out of breath. She let herself slide to the floor and cried with despair. She was in the middle of a strange city with nothing. No money, nowhere to stay and no hope of finding James. It was time to call it a day.
She limped through the maze of streets for what seemed like hours, until she finally found herself on the main road again. Her vagina was bleeding and she had a lump on her head from where she’d hit it on the floor. She asked for directions to the nearest police station and approached it dejected and hopeless.

Nick Holmes NYPD, looked up from his desk across piles of paper work to see a small waif of a girl stagger into the police station. Dull lifeless eyes peered out of a tear stained face. Her clothes were torn and dirty and her hair flopped over her forehead in greasy strands. She approached the front desk and in a faint voice, said that she needed help. Nick got up and told the police officer at the desk that he’d take care of this. He got the girl a coffee and sat her at his desk.
She’d obviously had a rough time but she wouldn’t tell him much. Only that she wanted to go home. Tears flowed freely as spoke to her frantic mother on the phone and asked go back to where she came from. When the girl had reassured her mother that she was alive and unhurt, Nick took the phone and took the mother’s credit card details so that he could book a flight back to England for the little runaway.
He drove her to the airport in his police car and she fell asleep beside him. He’d seen lots of cases like this. New York was no place for young girls to be roaming the streets by themselves. They came looking for glamour, fame and fortune, and found drugs, violence and corruption. At least this girl had a family to go back to. Most came from rough backgrounds and never really recovered from their experiences. He gave her $20 to buy herself some dinner at the airport and reminded her that things would be OK now that she was going home. She’d thanked him but commented that things would never be OK. She’d failed and now there was no point being alive. Nick wasn’t sure what she’d meant but he hoped she could sort herself out.

At the airport Amy’s family greeted her with tears and cuddles. They’d been frantic for the two weeks that she’d been away and had almost given her up for dead. Her father couldn’t believe that she’d got herself all the way to New York and made her promise never to do anything that stupid again. Her mother cried and said she’d cook Amy’s favourite dinner for her when she got back home. It was a relief to be back but Amy still wasn’t happy. There was a great void inside of her that had now engulfed her totally. She’d never see James again and had lost the will to live. She was just a shadow of the Amy she had once been and felt as if she could never smile again. Her heart weighed down her chest like a ton of lead. It was over for her.

The doorbell woke Amy up with a start. She turned over a pulled the pillow over her head. Her bedroom door opened but she pretended to be asleep.
“Amy?” It was her mother. “You have a visitor, a friend from school. He came here looking for you the day after you left. He’s been so worried about you Amy, round here every day, been a great comfort to us actually.” Amy sat up, curious. She heard footsteps coming up the stairs and her heart jumped into her mouth. At her bedroom door appeared a guy in a long black trench coat. His black hair flopped forwards into his eyes and was tucked untidily behind his ear. His large grey eyes met hers and a smile of relief spread across his handsome face.
“Amy!” he cried. “Thank god you’re safe! I’ve been going insane worrying about you!”
“But….. I thought you’d left,” Amy whispered, “I went to New York to find you and to tell you I was sorry but- but-.” Tears choked her, stopping her mid sentence. James walked to the bed and took her in his arms.
“No, no. I was hurt. I really liked you Amy and I put my trust in you and then you hurt me. I was going to run away like I always do. I was going to go to New York but I couldn’t leave you. I tried so hard to get you out of my mind but I knew that you were special. I had to come and find you so I found out where you lived, but by the time I’d got up enough courage to come her you’d gone.”
Amy couldn’t speak. She sobbed into James’ chest as he stroked her hair and told her everything would be OK. “I’m going to look after you now,” he promised. His beautiful eyes held her gaze as he took her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly on the lips. For hours he just held her in his arms, kissing and stroking all the memories of her experiences away. They fell asleep in each other’s arms; feeling as if that was where they had always belonged. When they awoke, their lips met in a frenzied passion of kissing and touching. It was as if they had been deprived of love their whole lives and were only now discovering its true pleasure. His hand caressed her pale cheeks and he ran his fingers through her golden hair. They fell back onto the bed as clothes were torn away and thrown across the room. She’d always known they were meant for each other. Even before that fateful day when he’d arrived in her philosophy class. It was meant to be. It was their destiny. As they climaxed the room spun and nothing existed except for them. Their hearts beat as one and their bodied entwined in perfect harmony, consummating their love and making promises of tomorrow and forever. It was a magical moment. Afterwards they lay exhausted as he whispered into her ear how special she was and how he would never let her go. She smiled a soft smile and looked deep into his eyes as he told her in his velvet voice that he loved her and would never let her go.