Suffocating

Suffocating

I don’t know why I feel so strongly
But I do; and it’s killing me.
I don’t believe he can be satisfied when
The first thing in the morning he sees is me.
It is hardly a beautiful picture for him
Although he’s ready to disagree
But I do not believe that that is the truth
When soon he’ll be staring at the page three.
How am I supposed to compete with that figure
When all I see is flawed and wrong?
I am often told I am a beautiful woman
So why do I always feel I don’t belong?

Paranoia sets in as soon as I wake
Making me already feel miserable and tired,
My mood always seems to be contagious
And we soon find too many questions being fired.
This leads to raised voices and hurt feelings,
And what for? What does it achieve?
He’s trying to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful.
Why don’t I just listen for once and believe?
I’m told I have to live with what I have
But I feel I have been robbed.
Each time I brave a look, a lump settles in my throat,
And I’ve often just broke down and sobbed.

I’ve tried talking to people about this problem
But no-one understands, they don’t know what to say.
Every which way I turn, there’s a reminder
Of the body I longingly pray for each day.
I am going to seek professional help
Mainly because I cannot cope on my own
I’ve tried very hard for many years
But my thoughts just gnaw down to the bone.
Can’t you see that I’m suffocating?
Fighting harder each day for a breath,
But I am the one holding the pillow
And am scared that my intention is death.

But that is the easy option. I will fight…