Bessie on the Mooooove

Chapter 1


The big trailer. Oh, no. Bessie hated that big, smelly cowpie on wheels more than anything, yet the farmer was loading cows into it like it was nothing. Bessie, being the revered "Brave Cow," was to enter last so that she ended up in the largest stall, but even the extra hay and room wasn't enough to coax her in. No, this would cost Farmer Bob some physical labor to get Bessie into that smelly nightmare. She watched from a distance as each cow filed in, feeling more nervous as she saw her turn coming closer and closer. Finally, it was time. Farmer Bob walked over to Bessie.

"C'mon, Bess, this won't hurt a bit."

"Moooooo!" Bessie protested.

"Bessie, the other cows do this every year. You know that this pays good for me." The decrepit old farmer leaned close to Bessie. She looked at his baggy overalls, hoping to find some grains of oat.

"I promise, Bessie, that if you get into that trailers, I'll only enter you in one contest."

Bessie perked up her black and white ears. She was listening.

"I'll enter you in the 'Best of Show' category. That's it, I promise. Please, Bessie, get in the trailer!" Now Farmer Bob was getting annoyed. He knew Bessie understood him, and it was becoming more and more obvious that she wasn't budging.

"Okay, Bessie, you leave me no choice." Farmer Bob grabbed the rope that hung loosely around the young heifer's neck, picked it up, and tugged at Bessie. She stood grounded. So the aged farmer went around to Bessie's backside and pushed hard. Slowly, inch by inch, Bessie saw the trailer coming closer, and soon she found herself inside. The metal door slammed shut behind her, and she could hear the farmer muttering harsh words, and some of which, like "for sale" and "to the lowest bidder" Bessie didn't understand.

Suddenly, the trailer lurched forward, and soon they were on the road. Bessie settled into her stall and looked around at the small herd of fifteen or so other heifers that were in there with her. Grandma Cow, the oldest and wisest of the cows, spoke.

"Bessie, you mustn't fight the farmer like that. It could be bad. I've seen many cows fight with Farmer Bob on the way to the fair, and those cows rarely return home with us."

"I know," Bessie replied. "It's just that I've decided I don't like to travel. I'm happy in my birth pasture."

"I know," said Shamooooo, another older cow. "But you must listen to Grandma Cow. She speaks the truth. Why, just last year, a young cow, much like yourself, refused to get into this trailer. She went to fair, and they auctioned her off to a meat and dairy farm. I'd hate to see that happen again. Who knows where she could be now? She could be a ... a milker, or worse!"

Bessie shuddered. A milker! What a terrible fate. 'Wait a minute,' Bessie thought. 'What if Farmer Bob decides to send me to the milkers? What if he decides to sell me!? I don't want to leave!!!' Bessie began to panic.

"Calm down, dear," Grandma Cow said. "Farmer Bob probably won't sell you. Just consider this a warning."

The trailer stopped.

"We must be at the fair," a cow mooed.

The trailer door opened. Beams of bright morning sunlight filled the darkened trailer. Bessie's eyes hurt from the sudden change.

"Alright, everybody out," Farmer Bob said. "Into the corral."

The herd filed into the corral slowly, each black hoof kicking up clouds of dust. Some heifers mooed as others ran into them, creating a series of small cowjams.

"Alright, Miss Magmoo, you come with me." Farmer Bob took Bessie's mother away by a rope.

Bessie mooed, "See you later!"

"Good-bye, dear," Miss Magmoo mooed back.

Then several farmhands jumped out of the truck to take the rest of the herd to their respective barns. A young man, maybe eighteen or nineteen, took Bessie's harness and led her to her stall. The farmhands, Bessie knew, fed, stayed with, and cleaned up after the cows that they took until it was time to go home. The farmhand that took Bessie was her favorite. He always snuck her the sweetest hay and the best oats. They were pals.

"Ben, get over here and help me with the old cows," Farmer Bob shouted from the truck. Ben, who had finished tying up Bessie in her stall and was in the process of laying hay down for her, dropped his pitchfork and ran back to the trailer. Bessie thought back to the days when she gave him cowback rides to round up the heifers that had wandered too far. It wasn't that long ago.

Bessie mooed to her fellow cows, but no one heard, for there was too much commotion from other humans and animals preparing for the Oklahoma State Fair that would open the next day. Bessie had never seen a fair or anything like it, and she was both nervous and excited.

Ben returned to Bessie. "I'm tellin' ya, Bessie," he said, "those poor old cows can't handle this every year, but that dumb farmer brings them anyway. They don't win prizes anymore. Must just be his pride. The more cows you bring, the better off you look." Ben finished pushing hay around on the cement barn floor, and was now bringing bales of hay into the small stall. "Y'know, they won 'Best Of Show' in '86, '87, '89, '90, and '92. But they're just too old now." Ben stopped and sat on a bale of hay to rest. Bessie came and laid down in front of him, mooing softly. He stroked her head, right between her ears where she liked it. She relaxed a little.

"I'm glad you're young and easy to care for." Ben looked out the stall window, noticing the blues and pinks and purples that were beginning to blanket the dusky night sky. "I've got to get goin', but I'll be back early tomorrow. See ya then, girl." He gave her one last scratch behind the ears, then left the stable. Bessie was all alone now, and she felt scared. She stood up and stamped her hoof.

"Mooooo!" she said.

"Moooo!" replied Minnie Moo, another cow from Farmer Bob's herd.

"Oh, good! I thought I was completely alone here. Have you ever been to a fair?" Bessie inquired.

"Yes, and the sooner we leave, the better! Let me tell you, Bessie, it's no fun. Big humans poke you, little humans pull your tail, and they expect you to be polite about it. One of these days...I just might start a stampede!" Minnie Moo replied with a sly grin.

Bessie sighed. That wasn't quite what she wanted to hear. "Okay, thank you," she said, then turned her back to the stable door and laid down. As she began to drift off to sleep, thoughts began to run through her head. What if Farmer Bob decided to sell her in an auction? What it she's sold to a milker farmer? What if she's sold to a meat farmer?!? Tears began to run down her big, fuzzy cheeks and her big, brown eyes began to glaze over. She didn't want to be sold! She'd never see her mother again. She'd be miserable.

Slowly, Bessie calmed herself, but not enough, for the little cow was still upset. Shuddering, she fell into an uneasy sleep.

Bessie awoke as the first beams of sun hit her stall. She rose, took a drink of water from her trough, and looked out the window, trying to figure out how she could keep herself off of the auction block. She knew she had to get out of there, but how?

"Good mornin', Bess! Brought'cha a present--a brand...new...SALT LICK!" Ben said proudly, opening the gate.

"Mooo!" Bessie greeted him. She was glad to see a warm, friendly face among the sea of cold, stony strangers. 'Hey,' she thought, 'maybe he can get me out of here!'

"Mooooooooooooo! Moooo, mooo moooooooo!" Bessie cried.

Ben turned and looked at her, then at his own feet. He had just stepped ankle-deep in cowpie! His face turned red.

"Thanks for the warning!" Ben said through a disgusted scowl.

"Mooooo! Mooo, mooooooo moooo!" Bessie shouted again. Why didn't he understand what she was saying?

"Look, Bessie. I gotta clean this off. You be good, 'kay?" Then Ben left. The gate closed with a loud 'click' behind him.

Bessie sadly watched him leave. Her last chance! She began to cry.

"Hey! Bessie! The fair's opening! SMILE! Don't let humans see you cry!" Minnie Moo called from the far end of the barn.

Slowly, people began to trickle through the barn. Just like Minnie Moo said, the little humans poked Bessie's ears and pulled her tail, then walked away to ambush some other poor, unsuspecting animal.

Occasionally, Bessie would let out a greeting "Moo!" when big humans walked in without little humans, or she would wander over to the trough and salt lick to munch. Then, a young human girl walked into the barn. Ben, who was tending to Bessie when the girl walked up, jumped when she said, "Oh, how cute!"

"Moo! Hello!" Bessie said to the girl.

The girl jumped, stumbled backward and tripped over a pail.

"What's your problem?" Ben asked. He thought her reaction to Bessie's moo was a little...well, odd. 'Maybe she's never seen a cow before,' he thought. 'That could be scary.'

"Did you hear the cow say, 'Hello'?" asked the girl, standing up.

"I heard a moo. Cows do that sometimes, like when they want something, or, y'know, something like that." Ben scowled. What a dumb girl.

"No, I heard it say 'Hello'. You don't have to believe me, but I know what I heard." The girl stood, almost defiantly now, in front of the metal stall gate.

"It's a she, and her name is Bessie, " Ben informed her.

"Okay, okay! Hello to you too, Bessie. How are you doing?" asked the girl.

"Oh, I'm good. Say, could you help me escape? I mean, I don't want to be sold, and Ben can't keep me from the auction block. So what do you say?" Bessie pleaded.

"Ben? Who's Ben? And what-"

"I'm Ben. Who told you my name?" Ben demanded.

"Bessie here. And Ben, my name's Alexia, or Lexi to my friends, but not to you."

"The cow's really talkin' to ya, huh? You really think you can hear her talk?" Ben studied the girl. She had brown strait hair and brown eyes. 'She's short,' he thought. She was about five-foot-three and slender. Alexia had been eyeing Ben, too, but a little more skeptically. He had sandy-colored hair and light blue eyes. 'He's too tall,' she thought. He was about six feet tall and muscular. 'He's a mutant,' she decided. She gave him a dirty look, then turned back to Bessie.

"I'll come back later, and we'll work something out. Promise, " she said.

"Thanks, Lexi. Can I call you Lexi?"

"Sure, go ahead. I don't mind. Good-bye," Lexi said, and turned to leave.

"See ya, shorty," Ben shouted after her.

"Later, Freak Boy!" Alexia shouted from the doorway, and then she was gone.

"Freak Boy. Hmmph. Stupid girl! Well, if she's comin' back, I'm standin' guard. I won't let that moron near ya, Bessie!"

Bessie mooed in protest, but to no avail. Ben had no idea of her objection. Bessie turned her back to Ben and concentrated on her salt lick instead.


Chapter 2


Hours passed and the girl still hadn't shown up. Bessie wondered where she was. The thought of, 'What if she forgot me?' kept running through Bessie's mind. But the girl hadn't forgotten Bessie. Lexi had been watching Ben stand guard for the last half an hour, waiting for him to leave his post to get something to eat or to take a break or something. But so far, he hadn't budged.

Ben looked at his watch. A quarter after five. 'I need a stretch,' he thought as he yawned. He stood up and looked around; Alexia was no where in sight.

"Bessie," Ben said, "stand guard. Don't let that girl come back!"

"Mooooo!" Bessie protested.

Lexi stood outside the main barn doors. Peeking around the corner, she noticed that Ben had left! She quickly looked around, and began to panic-- Ben was coming her way! She ducked behind the corner of the barn and watched as Ben stepped out into the midday sunlight, looked around, and left. As soon as he left, Lexi went over to Bessie's stall.

"Mooo! Lexi! I thought you forgot me!"

"Nope. And I have an idea to get you out of here. Tonight I'll come back. Around midnight. That Ben should be gone by then, right? I know a path through those woods over there behind the barn. We can sneak out of the fairgrounds through those woods and you'll be free! After we escape, we can figure out where to go next. Sound good?" Alexia looked at Bessie hopefully.

"Yes! I'll be here all night; my harness is on that post over there. You'll need it," Bessie said.

"Bessie, quick! Ben's coming!" Mooed Minnie Moo from the corner. Bessie and Lexi turned to the door.

"I can't believe you actually came back! Please, please just go home. Just leave, okay? This is a cow, and she doesn't sing, dance, or do anything besides chew cud and lick salt licks all day. Trust me."

"You're absolutely right, Ben. I'll go home now, and leave you to your salt licking cow. 'Bye!" Lexi said, running out of the barn.

Ben sat down and shook his head, confused with the scene that just happened. 'She's up to something, but what?' he wondered suspiciously. He looked over at Bessie, who was giving him cow eyes.

"Mooooo!" she said sweetly.

Ben looked at his watch, and realized that it was getting late. "Whadda ya say, Bessie, if I camped out here tonight?"

A chill ran up Bessie's spine. Did he know that something was up? He could ruin their whole plan! She had to say something to make him want to go home.

"Moooooooooo!"

"Good. Then it's agreed. I'll keep you company all night long." He sat down on a wooden chair that had been used for milking other cows, and soon his eyelids began to droop. Each eyelid felt to him as if it weighed at least fifty pounds. "Bessie," he mumbled as he fell asleep, "ain't no dumb girl gonna get anywhere near ya. I won't let her," and he crossed his arms over his chest and was asleep, snoring so loudly that Bessie could hardly hear herself moo "goodnight" to him.

At a quarter to twelve, Lexi climbed through an open barn window and slowly moved toward Bessie's stall. As she neared the stable, her pulse raced faster and faster. Ben was still there! But he was asleep, so unless she made some loud noise, he would hopefully stay asleep.

"Bessie," Lexi whispered.

Nothing. Complete silence.

"Bessie?" Lexi whispered again, a little less sure of herself now.

"Lexi?"

"Bessie!"

"Lexi!"

Lexi moved toward the voice, managing just in time to avoid tripping over the pail that she had stumbled on the other day. But she couldn't see the milking stool that was directly in her path, and she pitched forward over the stool, the barn magnifying each crash that the stool made as it bounced around on the floor. Lexi dove for cover behind a hay bale.

"Wha... hey... ummmm... who's there?" Ben mumbled, half awake. He sat up and looked around, but the fog in his head was too thick for him to think clearly through. He sat still.

Bessie, worried that her plan would now fail because Ben was awake, mooed loudly and pushed an empty pail over with her hoof.

"Oh, Bessie. It's just you. Now go back to sleep." Then Ben fell off of the chair and went to sleep on the hay-covered barn floor.

"Thanks, Bess. You saved us!" Lexi whispered as she quietly opened the stall gate. "Here, let me put your harness on." She slipped the harness over her head, strapped her backpack onto Bessie, and led her through the open gate. A ray of moonlight lit the darkened stall, and Lexi was careful to step around all of the obstacles, solid and otherwise.

"Lexi?"

"What, Bessie?"

"How do we get out?"

Lexi paused. She hadn't thought of that. Bessie couldn't climb out of the window, and the barn doors were locked--at least, the front doors were. She hadn't tried the back doors.

"Let me go outside," said Lexi, "and I'll see if I can somehow quietly get the doors open. You watch Ben. If he wakes up, hoof him!" Lexi climbed back out the window, walked around to the front barn doors, and pulled the door handle, but it had a padlock holding it tightly shut. So she went around to the back doors. No padlock! She pulled the door handle. The big old barn door squeaked and groaned as if the effort to move was too much for it.

"Lexi, sssssshhhhhhhhhh! Ben's waking up!" Bessie ran over to the door, slipping out just as Ben was realizing what was happening.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Come back!"

He struggled to his feet and tripped on the chair he'd fallen off of.

"Bessie, please don't leave! We're both gonna be in big trouble!"

Bessie turned, feeling guilty now. She didn't want Ben to get in trouble, but she couldn't risk the auctioneer's gavel. She could hear it pounding in her ears as she stood in the dark barn doorway.

"I'm sorry, Ben, but I have to leave. Tell Farmer Bob I'll see him later," Bessie mooed, then turned and walked out the door.


Chapter 3


Ben sat with his head resting in his hands, watching the sun come up over the horizon. What would he tell the farmer when he sees that his cow wasn't in the stall? That he couldn't handle a cow? He'd be laughed at, then fired, and he didn't want to lose his job over one cow. He knew he should've followed them, and the only thing that had stopped him was the fact that he didn't know his way around the woods. "Well," he mumbled, "it's light out. I could find Bessie's hoofprints now." He stood, walked out to the woods, found the hoofprints, and proceeded through the woods.

* * * * *


Lexi had fallen asleep on Bessie's back. They had ridden all night, and they were both exhausted. Bessie stopped at the edge of a creek that she'd been following and bent to take a long, refreshing drink. That's when Lexi rolled off Bessie and into the icy cold stream. She shrieked.

"AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

Cold...cold...c-c-c-old...freezing...water!" Lexi stood up, dripping wet and shivering cold. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably and she was soaked completely through. She went to Bessie, who was laughing, pulled out a new set of clothes from her backpack, and went behind a clump of evergreens to change.

"I'm sorry, Lexi!" Bessie mooed, still laughing.

"Yeah, right. That's okay; I needed a bath after riding on you all night. You stink!" Alexia joked.

Suddenly, a branch snapped on the path behind them.

Bessie's ears perked up. "Did you hear something?"

"Yeah. We'd better hide," Lexi whispered. She led Bessie over rocks and stones to hide their footprints, and they found a small cave off of the main path, far enough away to not be seen but close enough to still see the path. They sat down and watched for the trespasser.

The footprints got closer. Then they stopped.

Alexia and Bessie looked at each other, perplexed. Lexi stood up, and then ducked back down. "It's Ben!" she whispered to Bessie.

"Ben? Oh, no! He probably came to take me to auction!" Bessie whimpered.

"He won't if he can't find you!" Lexi was suddenly filled with determination to save Bessie. She began to cover the cow with leaves and twigs.

"Hold still, Bess!"

"I can't! It tickles! The leaves are going up my nose! HOO- HOO- HEE-HAAAA- MOOOOOOO!" Bessie laughed.

* * * * *


Ben, seeing that the footprints in the muddy stream bank ended suddenly and left no traces of people or cow anywhere, stopped and sat down in the grass.
Now what?

Then, from the bushes, he heard what he thought was a moo. Ben turned and strained to see through the dense shrubbery.

"WHOOOO! WHOOOO!" an owl cooed from high atop a tree.

Ben looked up at the tree, shook his head, and moved on past Lexi and Bessie, farther down the trail.

* * * * *


When Ben was gone, Lexi let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding.

"We should get out of the woods," whispered Bessie.

"Yeah," agreed Lexi, watching Ben's outline get smaller and smaller on the path ahead of them. "The sooner, the better."
They walked south through the green thicket, and eventually came out in a meadow. They were finally out of the woods! Ben, as far as they knew, was still walking west, and they would probably never meet again. 'Good,' Lexi thought.

* * * * *


"Whadda ya mean, 'gone' !!!!!" Farmer Bob bellowed. "A cow does not just leave! And where's Ben?! This was his cow! He was in charge of Bessie!!!" Farmer Bob stopped to breathe and let the deep purple vein sink back into his forehead. Bubba, another farmhand, had noticed Bessie's empty stall and alerted the old farmer. It was contest judging day, and the farmer's prize cow was gone.

"Farmer Bob! Wha- what are you doing here?" Ben stuttered. He had just returned from the woods, having lost all traces of Bessie and the girl.

"You! WHERE'S MY COW!!!!!" Bob's vein was beginning to pop out again.

"Let me explain! There was this girl- and Bessie- and they- out the window..." he paused, thinking the scenario through. A girl had beaten him! A girl!! Ben hung head and walked out of the barn, leaving the farmer more confused than before.

* * * * *


"Gone!" Miss Magmoo moaned. "My baby ran away? Why?"

"I'm not sure," said Grandma Cow. "She was a little upset when we first got to the fair, but I didn't think it was serious. Calm down; maybe she just went for a walk. We should just wait here."

"I hope you're right," sighed Miss Magmoo. She looked out the barn window and wondered where her Bessie could be.


Chapter 4


For days Lexi and Bessie traveled, through rain, fog, sunshine, and even a tornado. They climbed over big rocks, which Lexi called "Rocking Mountains," but Bessie couldn't feel them moving. 'Must be a human thing,' Bessie thought. They slept on the ground or in caves, depending on the weather. They traveled until one day they saw a word in the side of a mountain: HOLLYWOOD.

"We're in California!" exclaimed Lexi.

"What's a 'California?'" Bessie asked.

"It's a state. C'mon, let's go walk around."

So they went into Hollywood. They walked over the stars on the Walk of Fame, strolled down Rodeo Drive and took a tour of the star's homes.

"Why's everyone staring at us?" Bessie whispered as they started to board a city bus.

"Probably because of our accents," Lexi whispered back.

"Miss, you can't bring animals on this bus unless it's a seeing eye dog," the driver said.

"Well, what if it's a seeing eye cow?" Alexia asked.

"I never seen a 'seeing eye cow' before, miss," the driver crossly informed her.

"Oh come on! It's real popular back home. They're more popular than dogs. I swear, she's my seeing eye cow. Please mister, let us on!" Lexi had suddenly become blind, feeling her way around the steps- she even tripped on one for effect. A few passengers and Bessie stiffled laughter.

The driver raised his eyebrows and sighed. "Okay, but just this one time only."

"Thanks, mister!" Lexi let Bessie lead her onto the bus and into a seat, then laid down in the aisle next to Lexi.

At a bus stop several miles along the track, Lexi saw a sign that said, "Auditions Today ----->," so the odd couple departed from the bus and followed the signs to a large building. Another sign in front of the building said, "Auditions Here, Today Only. Please form line at far door." Lexi looked. There was no line at the far door.

"You wanna go see?"

"Moooo," Bessie nodded in agreement.

They walked through the far door.

"We're here for the auditions?" Lexi said, unsure of what the lady behind the reception desk would say.

The receptionist eyed Bessie skeptically. "Is she here for the lead, or an extra part?"

"Ummmm..." Alexia looked at Bessie. "Well?"

"Lead," Bessie mooed.

"Lead," Lexi relayed to the receptionist.

"Okay, just a moment."

They watched the receptionist go through the swinging doors at the end of the lobby, and a few moments later, return with two scripts; one of which she handed to Lexi, and the other she kept for herself. "Okay," the receptionist, Barb, said, "read from page 43 to 48. That's Scene 3."

Lexi looked at the title: The Milk of Magnesia. 'Ummm, okay, maybe this is a waste of time,' she thought with a sigh, but she held the book up for Bessie to read and act out anyway.

Bessie and Barb went through Scene 3 flawlessly, and continued into Scene 4, and the more they read, the more interested Lexi became in the story, which was about a cow that saves people from suffocating when they become trapped in a silo by tunneling under the silo and pulling the people out through the tunnel. The cow successfully saves the farmer and his two farmhands, and for her bravery is awarded the Medal of Bravery by the President of the United States, and the cow goes down in history.

After Scene 4 ended, Barb went to find the director, and Barb and Bessie read Scene 1 for him.

"Very good. Very good indeed!" The director praised. He was older, in his fifties, with salt -and- pepper hair and big, black, bushy eyebrows. He was a little round, but not really overweight, and he wore a tan Armanni suit. He took Barb over to the corner and they whispered between themselves, with occasional glances back to Lexi and Bess, then the director returned to the pair, and Barb went into the back room.

"Well, I think I've found what I'm looking for. Welcome to the set-- you'll be the lead cow! I'm Jim Refieh, by the way, and you are...?"

"I'm Alexia, and your star is Bessie."

"Glad to meet ya, Bessie," Jim said. "Where will you be staying?"

"Well, we don't know. In fact, we hadn't even planned on staying here in California until just now." Lexi hadn't considered these small details, and now she couldn't think of anything; she didn't think any hotels would buy the 'seeing eye cow' story. Lexi looked at Bessie.

"I don't know what to do, either. Maybe we could keep camping out," Bessie mooed.

Lexi shook her head. "No, we can't do that here. We'd probably get mugged or something."

"You understand her?" Jim asked, amazed.

"Yeah, I'm her translator."

"Amazing. Anyway, I was gonna say, we-- my wife and I-- have plenty of room at our house for you and Bessie, if you would like to stay with us until you can find your own place. Would you like to do that?" he offered.

"Whadda ya say?" Lexi asked Bessie.

"Sounds good to me. Let's go!"

They agreed to the offer, and went 'home' in a stretch limo van.

They stayed in the old director's poolhouse and shot the movie for eleven months. It was released into theaters in August, and it was a huge success. Bessie was paid two million dollars, which she put Lexi in charge of.

Despite all of the fame, neither Bessie nor Lexi changed. They were still the same good old hicks from the Corn Belt of America, even though everywhere they went, they were mobbed by people wanting pictures or hoofographs from the now full- grown heifer. Bessie and Lexi loved the attention, but they knew that it was only temporary, and they also knew that they needed a place of their own. Jim had been very kind to let them stay with him, but it was a terrible inconvenience for everybody, so Lexi bought them a small farm outside of the city, and they figured out what they should do from there.


Chapter 5


"The Milk of Magnesia? Are you sure it was her?" Farmer Bob asked Ben with doubt in his voice.

"Go see for yourself, if you don't believe me," Ben replied. "Your runaway cow is a movie star!"

They went to see the movie.

"Well, I'll be. I'll bet she's rich! Y'know, that money belongs to me... rightfully..." the old farmer's eyes lit up greedily. "Whadda ya say," he asked Ben, "that we pay a visit to our star?"

Ben delicately declined the offer. "Nah, I shouldn't go with you. I'd just get in the way. Besides, you don't need me to go with you. I should stay here and help with the rest of the herd."

* * * * *


"My baby... a mooovie star!" Miss Magmoo bragged, strutting proudly around the pasture. The chickens and goats stopped to watch the masquerade. "Now everyone will know how wonderful my Bessie is!" She smiled from ear to ear. "I can't wait to see her again!"

* * * * *


"I don't want to go back to the farm!" Bessie whined. "Please, Lexi, let's keep moooooving."

"But Bessie, with all this publicity, Farmer Bob definitely won't sell you now. No possible way. Besides, I'm gettin' kinda homesick." Lexi had called her mom from a payphone yesterday, as she had been doing since they left Oklahoma. Her mom was upset that they had been gone so long, and she was glad to hear that Lexi may be home soon. "Don't you miss your mom? Your friends? Ben? Bessie, we've got to go home. We've had an awesome adventure, but it's over now."

Bessie knew Lexi was right, and Bessie lowered her head. "One more week here?"

"Ummmm...okay, one more week."

* * * * *


Farmer Bob dragged his duffel bags-- there were five-- through the skinny coach aisle on the 747 jet.

"Ouch!'

"Hey, watch it, Buddy!"

"You &$%*@#$@ !"

"Watch where your puttin' that, Jack!"

Farmer Bob turned to face the angry passengers. "Alright, that's it. MY NAME IS BOB! Not Buddy, not Jack, and especially not &$%*@#$@ !"

"I don't care what your name is, Bub, but if you don't get rid of those bags, I'll do it for you!" shouted a little old lady from the eighth row.

"BOB! BOB! Not Bub, Bob! B-O-B Bobbbbb!" Farmer Bob cried, exasperated, as he took his seat at the front of the compartment and sat down.

"Stupid hick," he heard someone mutter. Bob turned to find the source of the voice, and an elderly man waved and flashed a wicked smile at him. Farmer Bob stuck his tongue out at the old man, and the old man returned the gesture.

Farmer Bob turned back around and snuggled down deep in the small bucket seat. He drifted off to sleep and dreamed that he was swimming in a swimming pool full of Bessie's money that was rightfully his, and his face held a contented smile all the way to Hollywood.

* * * * *


"So what should we do with our last week in California?" Lexi inquired as she changed Bessie's straw bed.

"Can we visit the Dairy Museum and Hall of Fame? I've always wanted to go there," Bessie suggested.

"I've never heard of the Dairy Museum and Hall of Fame. Where is it?"

"I don't know. I just figured that, since cows are so important, that humans would have some sanctuary dedicated to us."

"Hmmm," Lexi said thoughtfully, "we'll have to keep our eyes open for it. 'Kay?"

Bessie mooed in agreement.

* * * * *


Farmer Bob stepped off of the plane and walked down the corridor to the airport. He went to the luggage terminal and waited for his luggage to come through. He watched as one of his bags, filled with socks and underwear, rolled toward him. Bob picked it up and waited for the other three. And waited. He waited and waited and waited for almost an hour, until all of the luggage had been claimed and he still hadn't even seen his. Finally, Bob went to the luggage terminal worker.

"I think my luggage's been lost," he said.

"That's not possible, sir," said the skinny blond man standing behind the counter. He spoke with a lisp. "We never lose luggage! Why, this is the L.A. Airport, not some cheap two- bit hick airport in the boonies, and if you think that we will be responsible for you losing your luggage, then you, sir, are sadly mistaken!"

Poor Farmer Bob shrunk back in fear. He looked as though someone had just punched him in the stomach. "P-please," he stuttered, "I just want someone to help me find my luggage."

"Does my tag say 'Bag Boy' on it? No, I don't think so, Buddy. It says 'Zac' on it. So go find your own bags, Buddy!" Zac walked away from the terminal.

"MY NAME IS BOB!" was the only thing that the farmer could think of in retort.


Chapter 6


Bessie and Lexi were walking along the crowded sidewalk on Rodeo Drive when Lexi suddenly got an idea.

"Let's go skiing!"

"Skiing? What's skiing?" Bessie mooed skeptically.

"It's when you slide down a hill standing up. It's really fun, trust me! You'll love it!"

"Okay," Bessie said, though she didn't think that hoofing down the side of a hill sounded all that great to her.

Alexia borrowed the stretch limo van from Jim and they were chauffeured off to the resort to ski. As the bus stopped, Lexi and Bessie bundled up for the excursion. Lexi had on a ski suit, a hat, earmuffs, gloves, boots, and sunglasses, and Bessie donned a hat, scarf, and four rubber boots, specially designed for her hooves, and she even wore heart- shaped sunglasses. Lexi had bought all of the supplies on the way to the resort.

The pair stepped out of the bus, and everyone, amazed, turned to stare at them. One man was so stunned that he forgot he was skiing and ran into a tree. Bessie and Lexi waved and smiled at the group, then went and fitted themselves for skis. Bessie had a hard time finding skis that fit good enough to use, but she finally found a pair of children's skis that would work for now. Then they headed for the slopes.

"Now, just do what I do." Lexi gave herself a soft push with her poles, and she was racing off toward the bottom of the mountain.

"I don't know about this, Lexi," Bessie called from the top of the short slope.

"It's just a little ways, Bessie. You can do it! Here," Lexi called from the bottom as she positioned herself in front of Bessie, "I'll catch you!"

"O- okay, here I go!" Bessie mooed and began to slide.

"Just watch for the rocks!" Lexi called.

But it was too late. Bessie hit the rock and stumbled, falling on her side. Then she began to roll down the mountain, head over hoof, skis flying, until she met up with Lexi at the bottom of the hill. Lexi stopped the madly mooing cow from rolling any farther when she stuck her skis upright in the snow in Bessie's path. Bessie just laid there for a few minutes, waiting for the world to stop rolling. Lexi knelt down beside Bessie.

"Are you okay?!?"

Bessie looked up at the voice. There were fifteen Lexis standing over her. Bessie mooed.

"Lexi? Can we go back to the farm now?"

"Bessie! You're okay! Are you hurt? Is anything broken?" Lexi exclaimed.

"I think I chipped a hoof, but it's not serious. Could you pick up my skis, please?"

Lexi looked back up the hill. There was one ski in a tree, two in a bush, and one resting neatly between two boulders some way in the distance. "Why don't we just leave them there? They'll find them... eventually... when the snow melts." Lexi helped Bessie up, and Bessie shook herself off. Her legs were weak, but she could walk, so they walked out of the resort and headed back to Oklahoma.

* * * * *


"Has anyone seen this cow?" Farmer Bob asked every person who walked passed him on the crowded sidewalk.

"Hey man, like, groovy cow, man," a teenager said as he passed Bob.

"Have you seen her?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah, man, like, over there, next to the giant chicken!" The stoner pointed across the street at a fake giant cow, a fake giant chicken, and a fake giant pig displayed in front of a newly- opened restaurant.

"That ain't real, son!" Bob moaned.

"It's not? How come it's, like, moving?"

Farmer Bob sighed. He knew he'd get no where this way, so he went back to the hotel room and made posters to hang on telephone poles. He spent two days hanging the posters, then two more days answering prank calls about cows and hamburgers. Then he received a real call.

"Umm, I'm calling about your cow?" said a girl in a small voice.

"Yes? Have you seen her?"

"Yeah. I talked to her. She said she was goin' skiing, then she was going up to Washington state to do some sightseeing."

"Wonderful! Thank you so much!" Farmer Bob cried and hung up the phone.


Chapter 7


Lexi laughed as she hung up the payphone and looked down at the poster with Bessie's picture on it. "C'mon, Bessie, I'm done now," she called to her cowfriend, who'd been contentedly munching on grass. They were almost out of California and into Nevada now, and hopefully they wouldn't have to stop for anything major except to sleep and eat.

After seven days of traveling, they finally arrived home. Lexi went to her house to see her family, but promised Bessie that she'd return. As Bessie ambled into her own birth pasture, her mother mooed out to her.

"My baby! Look how you've grown! Oh, how I've missed you! Tell me everything, Brave Cow!"

All of the cows gathered around Bessie, eager to hear her story. Ben, raking hay in the barn, came over to see what all of the commotion was about.

"Bessie! You came back! Farmer Bob will be so happy!"

"Farmer Bob? I thought he was in California," Lexi said, approaching the open pasture gate.

"I should have you arrested for cownapping! You caused this whole mess, and I'm the one who got in trouble for you," Ben growled at the girl.

"Thanks!" Lexi gave him a hard pat on the back. "I appreciate it!" She turned to Bessie. "Bessie, I've been thinking-"

"That explains the look of pain on your face!" Ben cut in and laughed maniacally .

Lexi gave him a dirty look, then continued. "What do you say we just keep traveling? There's a million places to see and things to do. And hey, we still have to find the Dairy Museum and Hall of Fame."

"But Bessie, what about us?" Miss Magmoo said to her daughter. "We- especially me- will miss you!"

"Don't worry, mom. We'll come back and visit often. Right, Lexi?"

"Of course," agreed Lexi. "Anytime Bessie wants to come back, we'll come back. I promise," she smiled.

"You are not going anywhere else if I have anything to do with it!" Ben blocked the gate with his pitchfork.

Lexi whispered to Bessie, and suddenly Bessie started to charge Ben. He jumped and hid behind the safety of the metal gate.

Lexi giggled and climbed on Bessie's back, carrying her backpack that contained the rest of Bessie's money and Lexi's clothes. They walked through the gate and into the sunset.

* * * * *


Farmer Bob stepped out of the elevator at the top of the Space Needle in Seattle. He hadn't seen his cow yet, and he had given every passer- by his poster. "Please," he begged, "has anyone seen my cow?"









To Be Continued...