My sick dad

I am a daddy's girl so when heard my dad has cancer my heart dropped and all I could think about was the was worse I kept asking myself questions like " is he dying?"
" Is he going to be okay?" " Will I be able to go to his funeral if he dies?"
I have been having really scary dreams about cancer, I blame myself because I pushed him away for so long and held on to all this anger, I feel like this God punishing me for being so bitter. I can't image the thought of losing a parent, the thought of losing him is like being shot