Christmas Dinner Is Undone

Christmas Dinner Is Undone

Jack was pacing the kitchen. Every minute, he peeked through the window of the oven door and frowned.

“This is taking too long,” he complained to his wife Anita who was making everything else for the dinner.

“Did you completely thaw the bird?” she asked.

“Was it frozen?” he replied.

She gave him an exasperated look.

“Of course it was!”

Jack grinned at her.

“Yes, I did. What do you take me for. I set it in cool water for three days.”

“But was it thawed?” Anita persisted.

“Yes...it...was!”

“What temperature is the oven at?” she asked as she tested the doneness of the turnip.

“About 250*F, I think”

“No wonder you think it’s taking too long, turn it up to 350,” she told him.

“Have you basted it yet?” Anita asked.

“Once.”

“Once? It needs to be basted every half hour!”

“What about stuffing in the cavity of the turkey?” she went on, even as she bustled around.

“It already had something in there. So, I left it.”

“Oh no! That’s the neck, heart and gizzards, you’re supposed to take those out!”

“Was I? It’ll be all right, won’t it?” Jack said nonchalantly.

A sickening smell began to come from the oven. Anita knew it was too late.

“Turn it off, it’s inedible now!” she cried.

“Everybody will be here in an hour, what’ll we do?”

“I’ll put everything that’s done in the fridge. Order Chinese for everyone. Then get changed.”

Miraculously, it was the best Christmas dinner ever. The family crowded the table, passing cartons of favorites around it. Laughing and joking about the first unturkey dinner ever.

Jack looked at Anita and winked. She blew him a kiss. Everyone noticed but pretended not to. Frozen strawberry dessert all around was the perfect ending.