Table Talk

         "Okay family let's hold hands while Daddy says grace."

         "Ewww, Mitchell has cooties and he swiped them all over me."

         "Your brother does not have cooties. He came from the same place you did. Do you have cooties?"

         "Mom, that is so gross."

         "Marie you and your brother are twins. Get over it."

         "Mo-o-o-m!"

         "Now what?"

         "Can't you smell it? He farted! My eyes are watering and I'm going to gag."

         "I think that's just a wee bit melodramatic. You know full well that everyone passes gas. It happens. Mitchell, you could apologize, or excuse yourself."

         "You smelt it, you dealt it drama queen."

         "Dear, don't you have anything to say? Must I be the sole referee?"

         "Over the gums, over the tongue, look out stomach here it comes. Oh, and amen, of course."

         "Way to go Dad!"

         "Thanks. Pass the turkey. Er, I meant to say pass the turkey please."

         "What goes gobble, gobble, urk? The ghost of Thanksgiving past."

         "I'm not laughing Mitchell. I don't care that you're my brother. It's not funny."

         "What did the pig say to the turkey? Get stuffed."

         "I'm still not laughing. Am I the only one who can smell that? Yuck! It's rank!"

         "Ow! Why are you kicking me? What did I do?"

         "Marie must I warn you to keep your feet to yourself? I saw that Mitchell. Please refrain from sticking your tongue out at your sister especially when it's loaded with food."

         "Did you hear that noise?"

         "All I hear is your brother chewing. Mitchell, hon, try to keep that mouth of yours closed. A little bit of consideration goes a long way."

         "There it is again. It's a squeak. Ack! I'm outta here."

         "Sit down young lady. This is a family meal."

         "Hoowhee! That one is a real stinker!"

         "Really Mitchell? You too?"

         "It was me."

         "Excuse me Mom. Did you say something?"

         "Ya, Grandma. What are you saying?"

         "I said it was me. I tooted. I cut the cheese. I thought of blaming the dog..."

         "But we don't have a dog, Grandma."

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