Aspirin Cake

I believe cooking and baking should be attempted with a grain of salt, patience and a sense of humour. It's not always foolproof. It is a process. Here then is one of my recipes.

         
ASPIRIN CAKE
INGREDIENTS:

         2 cups Flour ( plus extra ),

          1 teaspoon baking powder,

          pinch of salt,

          1 cup white sugar (plus extra ),

         2 large eggs (plus extra),

         half a cup of shortening

         1 teaspoon of vanilla

         4 cups of patience,

         oodles of teeth gritting,

         unlimited tongue biting,

         repetition of instructions and admonishments to slow down/ take turns/share

         
          INSTRUCTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Admonish eager girls to not open the oven door every thirty seconds. Remind them not to test for heat by touching the oven racks.
         Remove permission slips, the Safe Guide manual, Safe Guide forms, the Emergency Response Plan, the first aid kit, Health forms, and two squiggling Girl Guides from the kitchen table.
         Have one Guide measure out two cups of flour. Direct the girl who knocked the first girl's elbow to wipe up the spilled flour. The first Guide must now re-measure fresh flour.

         Send one girl to pull a teaspoon from the silverware drawer and straighten your spine as three girls trip over each other to get there first. Jump at the sudden bang and clatter that echoes when the jerked drawer, forced by three pairs of hands , tumbles to the floor flinging cutlery everywhere. Remember to say thank you when three newly cleaned teaspoons are waved in your face.
          Emphasize and demonstrate the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon. Oversee the addition of baking powder and salt. Tell the girl who could not resist a taste of this mixture to get herself a glass of water.
          Instruct yet another girl to measure out a cup of sugar. Brush sugar that missed the bowl into the bowl. Commiserate with the two girls who did not mean to bump the open bag of sugar and spill it on the floor. Advise the helpful girl to not sweep the floor just yet and explain a sweeping frenzy could potentially cause an accident. A swinging broom does not belong in a room with so many moving legs.
          Supervise the messy addition of shortening and admonish girls from wiping their hands on their pants. Offer a silent thanks that the slippery shortening failed to join the sugar on the floor.
          Ask another eager baker to crack open an egg. Hand her a piece of paper towel to wipe egg from floor and remember to add "over the bowl" next time. Suggest she use a teaspoon to scoop out eggshells and not her bare fingers. Suppress a sigh when a few eggs escape by rolling onto the battered floor.
          Caution about over zealous stirring and stifle flour-cloud coughing. Watch with bated breath as Guides pour, drip and spoon most of the cake batter into a cake pan.
         Be prepared for bowl to be swiped clean with many fingers because girls forgot to use their spoons.
         Once the cake is finally and safely in the oven organize a clean-up. Guides awaiting a fresh cake will happily clean the kitchen and wash dishes. Hand the wettest Guide a mop to sop up dish water from floor. Bear in mind that every kitchen towel will be pressed into service and a few will be tossed willy-nilly.
          Herd the loud, wiggling girls outside for an impromptu game of soccer after watching the eldest Guide set the oven timer fifteen minutes ago. Rest assured her initiative is fail-proof, after all, she and her mother bake in this church kitchen all the time, or so she claims. What could go wrong now?

         Respond by running when an ear-piercing shriek interrupts our ball wrestling. What kind of oven timer screams like this? Enter smoky kitchen to realize the smoke detector had been activated. While gasping and coughing tug open all the windows. Order the wheezing Guides to each grab a damp dish towel and wave it in the direction of the screeching smoke detector. Shove hand into oven mitt and rescue the blackened, charred cake wannabe. Escort the failed baking attempt outside in a twelve-Guide procession. Try not to giggle when the youngest girl sighs, "Mom says it's the thought that counts."

         Follow the girls' lead. Sure, some of them lamented the lack of something sweet to eat. Nod your weeping-eyes-head in encouragement when one says we did try. Burst out laughing when the senior Guide points out that we did make smoke and a lot of it. Point out that the girls had worked as a team. They had created a mess, but cleaned it up, too. Be prepared for the groans when they hear memories were made.
          When you arrive back home, take an aspirin, smile, and begin planning next week's hands'-on meeting. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

         Word count: 809

Prompt for November 2024



Create a non-food recipe and write an (essay/story/whatever) How about some grateful recipes, family recipes, pet recipes, friendship recipes, etc? Please write a short story provided the recipe you've submitted is somehow included within the story. It can be mentioned, described, (... you get the idea!) by at least one of the main recipes in this prompt. Remember these can be funny!

(Your story must be 500 words or less this month please.)