TRUTH

I just miss u so much Dear,
You were a lovely little one and now if you see me, those eyes with big grand dreams, might end up in tears.
A lot has changed in these years,
I still can’t believe that we both were one then and now you seem foreign to me and honestly sometimes it gets hard to bear.
I am sorry for betraying you ,
For promising you all the things that I couldn’t or didn’t do.
Sorry that our ways got parted,
That I left you there with hopes only to get them shattered .
I wonder why I am not, who you wanted me to be,
For I tried (probably), I cried (maybe), but I still couldn’t change into the new better me.
What made you trust me in the place?
Why you thought I was different and could ace?
Probably because we had time then, we were young and life then wasn’t actually a race to be won.
It’s true what they say that you never know how deep the water is, until you actually step in,
That the race always seems easy enough from afar until you actually have to run and win.
We both were watching from far I guess,
Your belief gave wings to those imaginations of acing the race and I wasn’t caring enough about the upcoming stress.
I was filled with confidence, courage and determination, so I left to ace
And that was the last time I saw your beautiful face.
I spread those wings out and jumped off from the roof we were standing near,
You wished me good luck and your big beautiful eyes were brimming with hope and little fear.

Part 2
I was hoping, that we’ll be united and one, once again, when I would finish the race,
But little did I know that your fear would catch pace and ace.
I never reached the end of the race, nor won ever,
And the one who really made it was your fear.
I tried to fly for sometime, but the wings fell off soon,
I fell with a loud thump, that was even heard by moon.
Moon became my companion then, even from far above,
I missed you so much then I couldn’t tell you, and I felt like I never deserved your love.
I have lost interest in running, I still want to ace tho,
For I couldn’t digest the fact that I was the one who gave you sorrow.
I want you back dear one, the one with big dreams and hope,
I want to feel alive and start again, but this time I actually want to cope.
FYI, I am still in the race,
Everyone is so ahead of me already and I know already that again I might not finish it, forget about ace.
I’m still doing it for you, for us, ’cause I didn’t want to let u down ever,
I still want to reach the castle we created before your beautiful little eyes, before us, and live there together, forever.
Probably this is the last chance to reach that castle, it is the last race I’m in,
I’m not running still, it makes me uncomfortable, but I’m trying to walk, as I couldn’t just give in.
The chances of me winning are slim,
People say you should think big and shouldn’t be so lazy and dim,
For life being a loser ain’t easy at all,
But how to tell them, that I know all that and I still chose to fall.
For the race was the only thing I did know,
But who knew that it would deprive me of all my richness and confidence and would make me so low.
My heart was set on you, I didn’t want to go for anything else at all,
Everybody offered the easy runs, but I chose to hold on and fall.
Here I’m after all these years, dim and weak,
That now I don’t even feel like chasing other runs, forget about reaching the peak.
I feel like the world betrayed me and that I betrayed you and the world,
The cycle goes on forever in my head and I try to take the step forward with the heavy weights of those words.
I’m sorry to the world and I’m sorry to you, the dear little me,
I tried to be better, but somehow nothing ever worked,
I disappointed you I know but can you please forgive me?