I wish I had someone else to live for

i wish i had someone else to live for
another egg to crack in the morning
another coffee to pour
someone to send my wordle results with
those things are only fun when shared

i don't want to report to myself at the end of every day
feelings of emptiness overwhelm me
tired of being around myself all the time
wishing someone would come into my life
someone old or someone new
at this point anyone will do

i try to go out
i tried clubbing, going to bars, spending time around people
i cant stand talking to new people anymore
a pessimist? a cynic? i fear
i fear my heart is turning cold
my heart is solidifying, as the hope disappears
the love draining from my body

im scared of getting too comfortable with my loneliness
rejecting party invites and staying in my room
this isnt like me, i used to say yes
not sure of who i am anymore

i see her in the mirror, she is not me
she is nameless, devoid of an identity, not real
i am not real. i wish that was true.
this real mind hurts me with it’s thoughts
my real heart aches for you
i try to fight it but
the pain reminds me i am real