Cow Convention 2024

"Cow Convention 2024"


“Ladies, with competition from all those fake milks out there, we need to step-up the advertising. For crying out loud, what can we do to increase cow’s milk consumption?”

The myriad Bessies, Bossies, Flossies, Elsies, and a few named Hershey and Daisy plus one with the very creative name of Dairy bellowed their agreement.

Queenie the Jersey continued her speech. “What can we do? You are here as state representatives for ‘Cow Convention 2024’! We need some ideas. Let your little bovine brains go wild. Think outside the barn. Dream beyond the field. You’ve heard the farmers and the milkers and the little ones. What did they say? No idea is too small or too big for us to implement. We’re cows, for heaven’s sake. Our very lives are on the line. Don’t let the hammer fall! Adjourned til tomorrow. Bring back at least three good ideas, ladies!”

A group of five cows met in the breakfast space of the Hochmeier farm. Bessie lived here, and so was privy to all the hidden treats. The five wandered about, getting their bearings, before they got down to the business of deciding on a marketing plan.

First stop was the salt block, then on to some apple slices. A forgotten clump of alfalfa was next. Then one found a forgotten peeled banana. Bessie called it quits on the treats so they could concentrate on planning. She led the quintet past the milking stanchions to a large open space. Quiet and private, perfect for the meeting.

“Okay, now what’s the consensus? Ideas?”


“Everyone needs to realize that we are magical. We eat grass and make milk.”

“Yes, but some are allergic to the fact it comes from our bodies. They’d rather drink juice of nuts and seeds and tofu and such.”

“Sacrilege!”

“Scary. We and the scrawny goats have been doing this for centuries.”

“Don’t forget the camels and yaks and…”

“Ladies, no anger. We are only concerned with marketing cow’s milk. Not exotic milk from other mammals.”

Hershey moved her chocolate brown body to the front. “I think we need to emphasize the magic of milk. How our food and water are transformed into a magical potion.”

“Oooh - we could use witches and goblins and such.”

“Dress us as ‘purveyors of pleasantries’. Magic.”

“Magic Milk Makers!”

“Milk Makes Magic!”

“I think we’re on to something. I heard Joe, my farmer, said he wished my milk was golden. Then he’d be rich.” Daisy looked sad as she thought of this. “Right now he’s worried he might lose the farm.”

The five cows stood in a circle, thinking for a time, chewing their cuds.

Then Bessie spoke, “Time for the group gathering. Grab some alfalfa for the road, girls.”

The gathered group decided the ‘magic of milk’ idea was the way to go. Queen Jersey informed the ladies that from now on, cow’s milk would be considered “Magical Mystical Milk”. It should appeal to all those who want to connect with the spirit world, as well as that contingent that wants to be healthy.

The top 5 slogans as voted by the
Cow Convention 2024 attendees:
“Add some Magic to your life today!”
“Magic Milk - it’s a Mystery!”
“The Mystery of Milk’s Magic”
“Tap into the Milk’s Magic”
“Grass, Sun, Water equal Magic!”

But the grand winner, because it gave a nod to a soft drink company, as well as the slogan all pigs talked of for years:

“No secret recipe needed - the original white drink!”


W/C 605