Summer Story: Big Punk Gig

The beach was alive with activity as the stage was set. The punk band "Crank" had agreed to do a gig at this beach as a means of hopefully drumming up some tourism. It was 20 minutes to show time. But one member of the band wasn't exactly ready. Well, she was, but...

"Seriously, Jez! You can't stay in the trailer all night!" Kristina, the band's bassist, shouted through the door at her girlfriend. "Crank's nothin' without it's lead singer!"

"I know that, and I'm not trying to hide!" Jezebel, the aforementioned lead signer shouted back. "It's just... I can't leave!"

"The great Jezebel getting stage fright? The world is coming to an end!" Kristina joked.

"OK, one, it ain't exactly state fright, and two, I mean literally! I can't leave the trailer! I don't think I can get through the door!" Jez replied.

That confused Kristina. Sure, Jezebel's signature green mohawk was big, but it shouldn't stop her from leaving the trailer. Now concerned, Kristina opened the trailer door and stepped in.

"Jez, what the hell are you... oh... right." Kristina said.

About a week before, the band had finished another gig in Alabama, and had gotten completely wasted. Everything had seemed fine the next morning... except for Jezebel. And based on what Kristina was seeing, things hadn't fixed themselves.

Jezebel's boobs had blown up to the size of beach balls. No one could remember how or why, but that was Jez's current state. She was currently sitting on the bed, having somehow squeezed her gigantic bosom into a black one-piece swimsuit.

"Well... 'least you'll really get the crowd excited." Kristina joked.

"Ha ha." Jez replied, crossing her arms over her massive boobs. "Look, all the promotional material has me BEFORE I got these monsters. I'd rather not have everyone think I got a crazy boob job. Hell, I don't even remember if I DID get a crazy boob job!"

"Yeah. I'd say maybe you should cut back on the vodka, but knowing you that'd be pointless." Kristina said. "And why do you care? Didn't you once do a whole concert in nothing but a thong? You and shame are barely in the same zip code."

"It's not shame. I just don't want rumors spreading that I blew any of our money on surgery. Saying I got surgery to look sexier would make me look like a sell-out." Jez explained.

"...that's a bit of a leap." Kristina said. She walked up to Jez and poked one of her titanic boobs. "'sides, these look good on you. ...actually, I got an idea. After this show, we get wasted and play 'How many beers can Jez fit in her cleavage'."

"Did you just make that up to make me feel better? ...cause that actually sounds fun. And hot." Jez said. She then shrugged her shoulders, making her massive boobs wobble. "Alright, you've convinced me.

"Great. Let's get on stage." Kristina said, turning to leave. She got to the door when she realized Jez wasn't following, so turned to look at her.

"I, ah... can't get up." Jez said.