Well I realize I have lost myself with my thoughts and it is time for me to get a move on so I can get out of here. I do my ritual and head out the door, much more awake and energetic compared to when I woke up. My mind flashes back to Warren when I see the rental car, son of a bitch. Well I have to make some decisions by the time I come home tonight I can't put it off any longer, I mean it is Thursday. With a huge sigh and another random curse word I open the door and slide into the car. On the way to work I take notice that today there are a lot of commercials on the radio. Of course because I was really hoping for another morning like yesterday where I would hear some of my favorite songs. I realize that won’t be happening this morning as I only hear one good song that makes me crank up the car radio as loud as it can go. The song ends just in time, as I pull into the parking lot and find a parking space. Wow, I am wondering why this morning there a lot of parking places so close to the door than what there usually are. I am hoping that there are just a lot of employees from the plant that are off, and that I didn’t miss something. I stop to think and confirm that it is not a holiday and convince myself that I am not a complete moron that I wouldn’t know that it was a holiday. I say in my mind that it is only October and the only holiday is Halloween and we don't have off for Halloween. Plus it isn't the end of October we are only in the second week. I walk into the office and think another day another dollar. Well in my case more like another day another .25 cents, I mean come on my paycheck is almost always completely gone before I get it. I have such a hard time putting anything into a savings account to try and save up a couple bucks, not with my bills and my income. But at least I have all the neccessities a person needs with a little play money here and there to spend on things that I want. The important thing is that I have money coming in to pay for the things that me and Brandi need, and I thank God for that because there are plenty of people out there that can't say that. I get to my desk and start my day, still tossing Warren around in my head. I have not yet completely made up my mind, but I am leaning towards telling him I am free. Last night I had a dream about him, and it was a good one. I see us being in a relationship, and we were good together. We seemed happy and it looked like we were living together. I am thinking that maybe that is a sign that I should pursue this and not be a bitch. Just by the off chance that he is serious and is interested in me. I quickly change that thought in my mind before the bully starts with his two cents. I think to myself I mean it has been a while since I walked on the edge and took a chance with a guy. I mean what is the worst that can happen? The same fucking shit that has happened in the past, I will just try and brush it off if that is the case and say to the enemy well again you were right, that I am one fucking stupid cunt, who is useless and pathetic and thinks that any half decent guy would want her. But I continue to think that this can possibly turn out differently. I mean I didn’t just randomly meet him online and meet up with him to fuck him. He ran into me and it was his actions that brought us together. I didn’t pick him, he picked me, so maybe this is fate and can turn out to be a positive experience. I can only hope, but don’t allow myself any more time for wishful thinking. I still must try and put up that barrier to protect what little I have left of myself. I turn my attention back to work as I go to punch in. It’s another day I think let’s not think about Warren until later when I know I must make my final decision and I just hope it will be the right choice and that I won’t be reliving any of my horrible past experiences any time soon. |