I must be honest I came across a nice guy online and we became close friends, his name was Billy. We really got along well until he wanted more, and I wasn’t interested that way. We had a lot of fun while it lasted, we would go out every Saturday night, we had a routine. I know for a fact a lot of people can't understand how I could do this, and one of those people was my mom when she found out about my outings. I am surprised she didn't have a heart attack when she found out what her daughter was up to. We would get together almost every Saturday and we would go to a local strip club, yes, an all nude strip club. We would spend a couple hours there, then we would go out to one of the nightclubs in the area and I would dance the rest of the night away. It was fun at the strip clubs, that is when I started to wonder about maybe playing for the other team, but I love cock and a man's body too much to give it up, so that never got off the ground. I am a very open-minded person and I guess I will try anything at least once and if it’s fun why not have fun. There were a couple of the girls that I got close too. There was even one Spanish girl and she would see me walk in come running over yelling there’s my sugar mama and give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. I think that is why I liked it so much, because when the girls weren't up on the stage they were sitting with me and we were talking and drinking. It’s just Sad though the things these girls were putting up with for a living and most of them were my age or younger and had kids and boyfriends or husbands at home. I didn’t agree with what they would have to put up with and I would often tell them to come to where I work and fill out an application, but of course the money they were making there wouldn’t touch what they would be getting where I was working. It’s just sad the things that women do sometimes to make ends meet and support a family. Billy, I think to myself, I haven’t thought about him or those days for a long time. I know for a fact there were no feelings in me for him, because trust me if there were any feelings I felt for him he would not be near or in a fucking strip club, especially with me. Hell no, there is no way in fucking hell a guy that I am interested in would be looking at another chick’s twat and have me sitting next to him laughing and having a good time fuck that. Unfortunately, this girl has become a jealous person when it comes to a man that she is involved with, this too is another wonderful quality that I can attribute to the perfect relationships that I have endured. I have big time issues with looks and comparing myself to every single woman I see. I will constantly compare myself to them and of course think they are so much better than me. It is bad, and people get sick and tired of hearing it, but I just can't brush it off no matter how hard I try. I know I drove the last guy I was with fucking insane, constantly saying things like you would rather be with her, she is who you should be with and so on and so forth. It’s a tough battle to win to feel better about yourself when you have a fucking bully living in your head constantly reminding you about all the flaws you possess. The flaws you believe you have because you were told you did by someone that was supposed to love you. Wow, I guess writing in my journal stirred up a lot of my memories that I haven’t thought about recently. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I guess it doesn't matter there is no changing the past. I decide on that bowl of ice cream and grab a bowl out of the cabinet and get the ice cream out of the freezer. I take it over and plop down on the sofa next to Brandi. We sit side by side and watch television until 9:30 and I decide I am going to head off to bed, I must admit I do seem a bit more tired I wonder if it has to do with being awake earlier than usual this morning, or if it has to do with stirring up my past. As I turn out all the lights and the television I think to myself by this time tomorrow I will know what I am going to do with Warren. I do know one thing for sure, he did not reach out to me at all today, wonder if that is a sign. I sometimes wish I had some super power that I would have the ability to know what someone was thinking or feeling. But I don't so I will just have to do what I think is right and hope for the best. I walk into my room and pull down the sheets just as Brandi jumps up with her toy and lays herself down up by my pillows. I turn off the light and crawl into bed on the opposite side that Brandi is on. At least I don't have to sleep alone, “goodnight Brandi have sweet kitty cat dreams.” |