Stolen Happiness

Some days are easier than others. This is the case for all I am certain. But I just want to understand when things changed.

My mom has told me many times that I was always happy when I was younger. As I got older that happiness dimmed. Now I make myself look happy to those that see me, but the happiness is only skin deep.

Often I ponder when or where I went wrong or what I did to be punished by having my happiness taken away. Daily struggles with medications and therapy in order to recover that true happiness inside. As I get older it frightens me so, the thought of what if I pass away never feeling it again.

I can only hope that this is not the case that perhaps one day I will find my way, even if briefly. What I wouldn’t give to have again that feeling inside. The happiness that used to reside inside of me.