Just Yapping

Alright so my name is ----- and im 18 right now, im a was pretty average guy overall, nothing crazy about love or dating or anything related to women, playing games all day, watching porn every evenning, simple and happy without any type of *planning*, a random day in 2021 came and i met this girl online, well i lied ofc about being a loser and i kinda had feelings for her so did she, we met as friends and on a random day we started dating, long story short we broke up later on and i decided to change mylife at exactly the end of 2022, started working out and reducing phone usage ect, i started looking fitter and better and my relationships and people treatment to me got much better, and during all this mess i was also a tiktoker in 2022who was making edits with a pretty decent amount of followers, here where is all begins, there was a girl lets call her --------- who lives 8k miles away being one of my supporters and she used to comment on every video of mine so i followed her back and didnt really talked to her or anthing, at that time she was also in a pretty low point of her life and was dating someone and an environment of people online that is not made for a 13 yo girl at that time, we started chatting more like casual friends and due some family problems she stopped and came back at sep/2023, we started to text more ect, yet she was still in that type of online environment and texting alot of guys and being grommed by ppl at their 20s ect, basicelly it was a mess and she broke up with the guy she was dating and didnt respect herself and started to sext ppl and not taking her of herself ect, at that time my focus wasnt really her or women overall, ig i was just enjoying the single life which i kinda miss, anyways she was just a text buddy when im free or sum while she devoloped feelings to me and i kinda did too, yet she was in a bench of situationships and didnt really validate her feelings at that time and you can say that we started dating in november yet she was still in her situationships and i wasnt really taking her srslly, in december at exactly 13, she started being jealous out of nowhere on my female friends and followers, i wasnt really that type of the jealous person but i listren to her and cutted all my relationships with other girls so did she with all her guy friends. i started loving her since then, 25 dec, we started video chatting and calling everyday, playing games together and being in a call together all day, we had many arguments yet we fixed always, i made her a better person overall since i made her pray, focusing on her family, studying and me. it lasted like this for 3 months till march 2024, it was heaven but ig im living hell rightnow because of it, so at 10 march, it was the day that everything changed, her phone got removed cuz of the over using it bcz of me, somehow we had a way to communicate from ps5 and it was kind of working and it was great as much as painful for us till may 5, at this day we had problem, i got jealous over stuping fucking manga she was reading that contain *alot of male chrcters* as the dumb me says and i got mad and hurted her but i apologied and thinking everything is okay now, it wasnt. communication got less and less and she started making reasons to not to talk to me which was againest my knowledge to her, i undrestood her situation and didnt really think alot of it because i trust and u was just saying its just a period of time and it will pass, anyways at 25 may, i discovered that she was exited to see a guy at her school, long story short, she liked him, knowing this destroyed me mentally and emotionally, i told her that i know and i asked for a break up and decided to move on but she started begging me to stay and give her a second chance and she told me that they were just feelings and wasnt gonna act on them, i had finals in 2 weeks at that time, i love her and i gave her a second chance, we decided days ago to give me time and my space to prepare for my exams and heal from what happend, 4 days into the break now and my finals are in 2 days and all my thinking is about why she did it and just wonduring if im enough for her and just trying to compare myself to the guy who i dont even know how he looks like, so yeah here i am here like a coward yapping to strangers about my situation while experiencing my first heartbreak