Mews Sick to the Ears

"I don't like to say I told you so, but you know, I told you so!"

"But how was I to know ..."

"You weren't to know, it's your first day substituting, and someone gave you First Grade on your first day, but you should've listened to someone more experienced, wiser ..."

"All right, all right, you are more experienced and wiser and I'm a silly idiot for not listening to you. Now I need to wash this ink off my hands before ..."

"And off your face, too."

"There's ink on my face?"

"You haven't looked in the mirror? Here."

"Omigoodness, there's ink on my face!"

"That's what I said. Go and get washed."

*********

"Thank you, dear wise one, for this tea and this sandwich."

"I figured you needed sustenance if you're going to tell me the story of the ink on your hands and face, and that scratch on your left arm."

"You saw that?"

"Who did it?"

"Believe it or not, a tiny kitten."

"Why wouldn't I believe it? I would've wondered if you'd said it was an angry swan, but a tiny kitten, sure."

"You're not surprised that there was a tiny kitten ..."

"In a First Grade classroom I wouldn't even be surprised if there was an angry swan, with the kids knowing there was a substitute teacher coming."

"Anyway, I decided to tell them something about the old days, you know. So I took along Dad's writing paper and a fountain pen I found on his desk."

"Without telling him, I bet."

"Well I was going to put it back."

"Going to? Haven't you put it back yet?"

"Listen, let me tell you step by step. This sandwich is good. And the tea is nice and strong."

"Go on with your story."

"So I took the fountain pen ..."

"And when I saw you taking ink, I told you NO INK in a First Grade classroom."

"Yes, wise one, you did. Anyway, I took fountain pen and ink, and I tried to show the kids how people wrote in the old days, before mobile phones and computers."

"Then?"

"They all wanted to come up front and see, saying they couldn't see what I'd written sitting in their seats. So then I told them to come row by row, but ..."

"They pretended not to understand whether you meant horizontal rows or vertical rows ..."

"How did you know?"

"Experience. Wisdom. Go on."

"Anyway, while I was showing the second lot of kids the working of the pen, there was a mewing from the back."

"Which, initially, you ignored, thinking it couldn't be possible."

"How did you know?"

"E. and W."

"Anyway, it got louder, the mewing. and then there was a kitten, trying to lap up the ink from the inkpot and a couple of girls crying that their Mom would be mad at them for bringing home a kitty with a violet tongue and she'd complain about me to the Principal for making the kitty drink ink."

"At which point you unwisely tried to grab the kitten ..."

"Yes, dear wise one, and it took a flying leap off my desk, having caught me with its thin claws first. Its hind legs took care of the inkpot. I don't know what got the fountain pen but it fell off the desk and a kid trod on it and smashed it."

"Then you mopped up the ink with Dad's writing paper, which is why one sees a wrinkled piece of paper on the doormat where it slipped off your shoe."

"Yes, and then the bell went for break so I ran for my life ..."

"Leaving the class ... ? How could you?"

"The Principal was coming by -- I'm guessing there was rather a noise, you know, and she was hurrying to investigate. She saw me and said go home."

"And home you came, to a bathroom, soap, tea and sandwich."

"And band-aids, please."