Aniki Insane Finish Man

I call them insane in the way of being generally amazing for someone i in truth have only been in a conversation with under 10 times in my life the topic are always present with a new veiw and informative speech,

Very, Very talkative, in what seems like a moment ot me its been 3 minutes and the song im listening ot is almost over, i rememeber most of the lyrics but they are passed know. in this moment aniki has managed to make me question my human existence and then invited us to talk as hes spoken and moved on to a new topic, from encouraging you to follow your passionions and do something with your life straight onto talking point about social media and time wasted on twitter due to gambling on refreshes and how the brain evolves so much slower than the body and psychology. onto buddism and the converstation has already moved so fast i missed the next topic and now were onto the effect of estrogen and testoterone and micro rituals 'sigma' loser thing done by weirdly parasocials. blue sky is similar to twitter in almost all functionality but at a smaller scale due to invitaiton system. and now talking about server connections on discord, asking him about bluesky he aprreaciates the smaller scale and intention of usage by me to interact with people i know. personal relationships with social media are minimal because htey are designed with the idea with being addictive and fucking with self images to promote such a thing, the dna of the social media as a ,istake at design, Yet in spite of this claims to not be anti social media because its a loftly goal, they personally dont use them because they dont see much use to them and the lofty goals lead to moral grandstating, we had an earlier conversation about fate character designs and the neoptisim in art of the fate series due to it, the way he rants is to air out the thought and explore them, to put them into coheseive form, "if you cant articulate what you want to say those thoughts are garabge". In the abscense of converstation, N has a topic brought up being if shouen and shojo are the opposites to each other, than what is seinens conter parts, after some brainstorming we come to the conclusion its josei and that whereas seinen is more generally adult, josei is more target at women then its alt seinen leaning towards gender neutrality as a genre. i lost track of the converstation but i know it went thought beserk being a sortve unpleasant main focus of a genre onto vagabound being a rarther good one and then onto oyasumi pon pon, described as a coming of age story of a fucked up person, alot of my take away from this is that i should structure more of my life in ways brought up by another figure in my life, my likely immediate solution will at current to be interact with someone i know more, i value them as a person and desire to talk them to more as merely being in their prescense increase my mood, much like talking to aniki, even when disagreeing on things such as fate/extra and extella i like such a series for a specific character and do enjoy musou games as i have a large amount of nostalgia for them, we can agree on massive design flaws (whatever the fuck is going on with cu's smt protagonist ass outfit) and how his head is copy pasted onto his alt outfit in art, the fact that if his life was different he couldve been way way more of a jackass, N brings up that it is really easy to feel bad about your self it true as we know you know your lowest lows and judge yourself the hardest, and though it may be a narcisistic but feeling good about your self in moderation can be really good. the reason for cbt (cognative behavioular therapy) is because comparing yourself to a similar person is pretty effective at being a mirror and therefore judging yourself through judging them, I judge myself rarther negatively due to physically being similar to my late father the i hate, and therefore judgemyself very negatively and wish to physically distance myself from them but also mentally, my identites based around this fact. i act like my online precese and life are very seperate things but aniki has done very well at connecting to both of them at once, making me feel well about both of them

Describes [Sp] as his proverbial punching bag due to the fact of the timeline of abused to abuser, they have a tendency to to be destructive to those around them at times, i dont truly know much on this i entered the conversation on a note about failing the self in a self destructive way can extend to being destructive to your surrondings, the method decribed as self destrucive at the extent of your surrondings, but people can always make it about themselves, but these people have the opton to leave. _s_ asks why [sp] is destructive and whats brought about is how when they are down they make others feel bad and do whats considered an unironic microagression, using their friends as ego stepping stones, a superiority complex, i used to look up to [sp] for his knowledge of the game and wanted to learn more from them and improve how i played the game, looking at this as someone else i was similar to this in my online precesene, in that he says they looked down on those below them and deyified those better than them, whilst i dont think i personally looked down on people 'below' me this is likely due to have a pretty negative self image and therefore only had people to deyifiy instead, [h] is a character much like this to me but as ive begun to understand and befriend them more ive grown in the timebetween and taken them off of a pedestal in most context except for their capablitiy to play a speicific game to me, i used to be almost incapable of truly focusing upon hearing their voice, whereas the more ive learn about this [sp] the more ive desired to know less about them but also know whilst ill respect their ability i do not desire to learn more and more about

Aniki has bipolar, something not commonly known about them is due to the fact they are very withdraw, mental illness manifest very different in people, personality disorders are catricutred.
my own martin bell syndrome or fragile x syndrome is gentically part of me, much akin to the autism not very far on the scale, talking to aniki makes me feel genuienly seen as a person at a time and in some part as my participation in the conversation makes me for bad some part of my input feeling selfish,
a man he knew grewing up made a constant effort to walk place instead of making use of a wheel chair, the mans reasons is because people look down on them and assume they have mental diffeceny, below them, Something that majorly negatively affects homeless people is because people ignore them due to stigmase they have made about them and the effects of the brain is insane
this topic related to me in the ways that being seen for what you are and being misrepresented, personally i will do as much as it takes to avoid external help catered to me due to my own mental issues because the thought of being seen in such a negative veiw affected me far more than i realise it in retrospect, i fear reciveing it in that i veiw it as alienising me and even without mentioning it to any of the class or the teachers untill more recently in class i have felt myself making the class room space a negative place to be and fearing going into it, but in the level on not wanting to stay home and failing those around me in going to class will instead spend hours completely wasting time in my car instead, rarther than studing at home. as when i think about it the classroom isnt as negative as i veiw it and it nigh entierley in my head but still effects me just as much as if it was real, and i should commit to the choice of action that is either to go in or stay home.

Whilst i say to Aniki that this is writing, it is sometime writing and mostly paraphrasing of what they are saying, im in some ways just letting the words flow onto page but what does that truly matter i think alot of aniki;s words deserved to be shared.

Stigma around drugs and the effects of things such as mushrooms capabilites to join neural pathways that shouldnt normally be conntected has cause them to be one of the only effective medicines for ptsd to help them, or the france prhamaceuticals drug companies that were willing ot push proven birth disorder causing drugs and how cocaine was an incredible precription, or how sigmund freud who prescribes cocaine and ssaid that homosexuailty is the fault of the father, a man whose daugter ADOPTED a child with another woman and lived with them, AS FRIENDS. Big phrama sucks all in all

transgender opinions from aniki, new things as N and _s_ claim refering ot the many differnet hormonal drugs, likely reffering to the differnt things such as beta blocks, E or T injections and if people acutally know whay they are changing with how they are advitised to help you achieve the body you want but people dont (big phrama) truly know what effect they could potentially have on people, or how in low dosages some epliepys medicines that are prescribed can help mood stablisied but also the specific one for him was also a stimulant and told to take it before sleep, therefore making him develop severe sleep insomnia.

He loves looking into how other experince things in the way of being never truly able to understand gender dysphoria, the concept of suffering from autism also isnt real due to the fact that hes always had it, What is sound if youve never heard, you can scientifically explain a sound to a born deaf person, but all your explaining is vibrations to them and whether or not theyll trully understand is a experince we will not know. Others being his best window in to other experiences such as gender dysphoria

He enjoys looking into most commonly the issues of young adult male and or developing males because he went through that and can understand and expand on it, and veiws some males as growing up emotinaly stunded due to not being seeing or talking about their feelings
now looking at the way in which our generation adn the next are a social experiment of social media and online presence, that the insane spike in mental illness diagoneses has shot up is contributed by increased access to diagoneses sure but thats only contributing as a part of it and not just the majority/
In many ways aniki is usch a character, he just stated that he has made an unconnected google account written as a 12 to 13 yr old boy and will as they are watching youtube gaming videos (minecraft) will get hit with political videos related only due to what else the veiwers of the videos they watched. what funny is that he suggested this as an idea to try out and then revealed that he had tried it to these results

On our own in the absencese of aniki we moved onto the level of yaoi vs yuri in series such as Josou Shite Mendoukusai Koto ni Natteru Nekura to Yankee no Ryou Kataomoi or Fantasy Bishoujo Juniku Ojisan to some of my personal favourites beyond titles such as boku girl. and onto a seires that says its okay to kiss boys, Shun is full gay but was Shun'd one might say i didnt catch the name, mostly described as a feel good series and then the story beat about how awkward it is to have gay sex, aniki as a biman avoids the baggage of being gay its not easy and it sucks from soceity and as a bi person it almost feels like apropriation due ot not experiencing the stigma, the only desrbided way of being strugling at being bi is if you were also homophobic
N went to sleep after the end of the anime yaoi yuri discussion but in all fairness it iss 4am for me and them.

Being fully gay locks you off in a weird poistion of not being able to discus sexual interest, women are on average more supprorting versus men who can more commonly be homophobic, relating back to how youtube doews try and indoctrinate you. Crushing on a straight guy even could feel wrong because even though its normal for you to be attractive to them, they arent to you making it feel more empathetic now ill return to playing fate samurai remnant. nbsaber my monarch