Cheese Board Dreams

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I've often thought about how dreams can become bizarre, but I came to no real conclusion of why.
The conscious mind files away the day's happenings in linear order. But while asleep the subconscious mind takes over the happenings and jumbles them about. It becomes a playground of absurdities where anything and everything can happen. There seems to be no limit to the silliness it can generate.
I remember one night in particular. I'd been to a restaurant with friends. It was one of my favourite eateries, as the chef there prepares excellent meals. Desserts or a selection from the cheese board follows the meals. As we chatted away, I'm afraid I might have overindulged with the cheese and wine.
By the time I got home, I could hardly keep my eyes open. After brushing my teeth, I fell into bed and was out in an instant.
What followed was surreal, to say the least. A woman's voice woke me, or so I thought.


"You're awake then?"
"Yeah. Where am I?"
"You're in the operating theatre aboard the SS Huntress."
"Hold on. What gives? I go to sleep in my bed and wake up aboard a steamship?"
"Spaceship."
"What! A spaceship? And why am I strapped down?"
"It's for your own safety and comfort while I perform a few procedures on you."
"What procedures and who gave you permission to mess about with me?"
"The Imperial Council of Viragoes Alpha."
"Never heard of it. Now unstrap me?"
"Soon. The ancient Greeks called us Amazons."
"Amazons, you say. Come to think of it, you are tall and gorgeous."
"Thank you, but they consider me rather plain on Viragoes Alpha. Now lie still while I finish stitching you up."
"Hold hard there, stitching me up?"
"Just a few improvements before I transport you to Viragoes Alpha."
"So, you're kidnapping me?"
"After a fashion. But if you think about this for a moment, there are a lot of beautiful women on Viragoes Alpha desperate for men like yourself."
"Desperate, you say? Okay, sign me up, I'm always happy to help desperate ladies."
"I've already signed you up, and soon you will join the other men in the passenger section."
"Men! How many men?"
"Oh, about a Hundred."
"A hundred. You never mentioned any competition?"
"Surely you don't think you can satisfy the needs of all the women ready for breeding on your own. Our scientific knowledge is superior to any in the galaxy, but even we are not that clever."
"No, I suppose it would be asking a lot, but I would have given it my best shot."
"I'd reckon you would."
"Yeah, but understand, I'm not one of those wham - bam - thank you mam, type of blokes."
"No, I bet you're not."
"Yeah, I always try to give the ladies the full four minutes."
"Fascinating."
"These improvements, will they help me fulfil my task on Viragoes Alpha?"
"Without a doubt."
"Can I have a look? You could call it a preview."
"You are an impatient one, aren't you? I'll just remove this sheet, switch on the mirror above you and you will see yourself."
"Wow!"
"You like?"
"Sort of. I always wanted a larger one, but it's bigger than what I would have chosen."
"You'll need it to fulfil your task."
"Just how big are these breeding women?"
"A lot more bounteous than myself, but more beautiful than I could ever wish to be. I'll show you some photographs."


"Er! Sorry, you gave me the wrong photos."
"No, they are the women. Beautiful, aren't they?"
"No! They're at least seven feet tall, covered in hair, and have the shoulders of overworked navvies."
"In our eyes, they are truly beautiful, you should have no trouble servicing them."
"Can I ask another question?"
"Yes."
"What happens if I can't do the deed?"
"The deed?"
"Yeah, you know, if I can't perform?"
"Oh, don't worry yourself about it. We will just kill you. It will be quick and painless. Have you any other questions before I have you transferred to the passenger's quarters?"
"Yeah, just one. I don't suppose you Amazons happen to have any of those little blue Viagra nooky pills?"
That's where I woke up in a sweat. Strangely, although agitated, I was a little excited, and disappointed the dream ended there. No more feasting on the cheeseboard for me.
740 words.