A Walkthrough-Before-Videogame Idea!

Watch the amazing title cinematic! Wow, wasn't that nice of CURTIS!

Walk down the path, straight ahead! Of course, you can veer off LEFT to grab a TREASURE CHEST (1) on the RIGHT!
I didn't, and look where it got me!
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|BOSS FIGHT|
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||NIHILISM OWL 1| LOOT DROP: Light Orbx2, Smiling Owl Trophy, 500g STEAL: NONE, don't worry! Nothing to steal yet! :) SPECIAL DROP: None, feature not unlocked yet! |
|This is your first fight against a Nihilism Owl (I hope, I wouldn't want to meet one in a dark place like this! :))! |
|Try as hard as you can! If you picked up the Light Orb, use it on him! It'll do 9999 damage and Vanish the thing! |
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I hope that wasn't too hard for you! It's only going to get worse from here! Eyeball that TREASURE CHEST on the RIGHT, and take the path LEFT! You can't reach it yet, so don't try!
Or do, but you'll come to the LEFT path eventually anyway! :) Random encounter's around here are OFF, so there's no use in going for that long walk! Unless you like to sight-see, that is!
And what a BEAUTIFUL sight it is! CURTIS really did an awesome job, here! I heard he's a one-man team! A total wrecking-ball, and a handsome one, too, at that! I bet he's got all the girl's on his arms...
Wouldn't that be nice!? Hehe! Not that I'm jealous or nothing!
Take the path LEFT when you can! You'll come across A RED DOOR on YOUR RIGHT, NOT MINE! I had to emphasize that because the view switches when you approach it! You'll see! Cool effect, but a pain in the ass for guide-writing!
Note to all you would-be walkthrough artist's out there: DON'T PUT YOUR DIRECTION'S IN QUOTE'S! It'll add a small, hard extra step LEFT OF WHERE YOU WERE, QUICK!
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|BOSS FIGHT|
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|2 HORNY EAGLE'S, AND AN HOURGLASS, TOO!?| LOOT DROP: NOTHING YET, CHECK IN NEXT TIME!? (YUP, THAT'S THE REAL ITEM'S NAME, FOLKS!!! SO FUNNY, WHEN I FOUND IT, I BURST OUT LAUGHING! DOES THIS DUDE WRITE GUIDE'S, TOO!? I'LL BET HE DOES! :) WINK LADIES, I'M TAKEN OR NOT TAKEN, YET! BABE'S TO THE FRONT! UH-HUH-UH-HUH-UH-HUH! I GOT ENOUGH MOJO FOR ALL OF YOU AND THEN SOME! CURTIS IS HIRING, TOO! APPLY TODAY AT [e-mail]! I'LL START YOU OFF AT A GOOD RATE! BUT I DIGRESS...
THIS MADE THE FORMATTING FUCK-UP! OH NO!!! SO I ADDED THE REST HERE! STOPPING NOW! THIS COMPLETE'S STORYTIME: ALPHA MATRON SQUADRON! BE A DEAR, AND FETCH ME A DRINK!? [MY THROAT] IS PARCHED!