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Rated: GC · Script/Play · Satire · #2296954
A family in business try to get away with murder.
INT. HALLWAY OF A HOSPITAL - DAY

Harrison and Melissa are at the hospital, outside of Cheryl’s
room.

MELISSA
Looks like I was right about
waiting until after visiting hours.
There’s hardly anyone here.

HARRISON
And do you see any guards around?

MELISSA
No.

HARRISON
I told you it wouldn’t be a
problem.

MELISSA
Maybe.

HARRISON
All right, let’s do it.


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

They enter Cheryl’s room.

MELISSA
There she is.

HARRISON
Yeah. Look at her, hooked up to all
that machinery. Just to keep her
alive. What a waste of money. My
money.

MELISSA
Don’t you mean the insurance
company’s?

HARRISON
I paid the premiums.

MELISSA
Why am I not surprised you’d say
that?

HARRISON
Well, there are better things to
spend it on. Of course, there are
worse things too, like welfare.
Okay, let’s get it over with. Now I
just have to find the outlet.

MELISSA
Wait a minute. I don’t think that’s
the best way to do it.

HARRISON
Why?

MELISSA
First of all, you don’t need to
literally pull the plug to turn it
off. You can do it by just flipping
a switch. And second, it might be
hooked up to some kind of alarm if
you try to shut it off.

HARRISON
So, what am I supposed to do?

MELISSA
(pulls out a
syringe)
Here. Use this.

HARRISON
What the hell is this?

MELISSA
It’s a hypodermic needle.

HARRISON
I know that. I mean, what am I
supposed to do with it?

MELISSA
You inject it into her IV.

HARRISON
This is your solution?

MELISSA
It has an undetectable poison in
it. It should be much quieter.

HARRISON
When did you come up with this?

MELISSA
Just last night.

HARRISON
All right, I guess.

MELISSA
I assume you can handle a needle.

HARRISON
Yes. Now go stand guard.

Melissa moves to the door, then---

MELISSA
Dad?

HARRISON
What? Is somebody coming?

MELISSA
No.

HARRISON
Then don’t interrupt me.

Melissa tries to grab the syringe out of his hand.

HARRISON (CONT’D)
What are you doing?

MELISSA
I can’t let you do this.

HARRISON
Are you nuts? You know we can’t let
her wake up.

MELISSA
It’s wrong to kill her.

HARRISON
You didn’t think so before.

MELISSA
And now I do.

HARRISON
Oh, great. I should have known your
guilty conscience would rear its
ugly head.

MELISSA
You really don’t have a problem
with this?

HARRISON
Only if we get caught. Now let go
of me.

MELISSA
No.

A nurse hears the commotion taking place. She enters the room.
Other people follow.

NURSE
What’s going on here?

HARRISON
(trying to hide
the needle)
We’re just visiting.

MELISSA
That’s not true. We came here to
kill her.

NURSE
Excuse me?

HARRISON
Melissa!

MELISSA
I’m sorry, Dad. I have to do this.
(grabbing the
needle)
You see, my father was about to
inject her with this, when I
stopped him.

NURSE
But why try to kill her?

MELISSA
Because we’re the ones behind
killing Matthew, and the first
attempt on Cheryl.

HARRISON
Will you shut up!

NURSE
Let me get this straight. So you’re
freely confessing to murder and
attempted murder?

MELISSA
That’s right.

NURSE
May I remind you, you have a right
to remain silent, and anything you
say can and will be used against
you in a court of law. Do you still
want to confess?

MELISSA
Yes.

HARRISON
Why are you telling us that? Don’t
tell me you’re actually a cop?

NURSE
No. I’m just making a citizen’s
arrest. Plus, I always wanted to
say that.

A security guard puts handcuffs on Melissa. Another security
guard handcuffs Harrison.

HARRISON
Thanks a lot, Melissa.


INT. A PRISON EXECUTION CHAMBER - NIGHT

Because of the unprecedented nature of their crimes, Melissa
and Harrison are sentenced to death. The state has decided to
do something also unprecedented: a double execution. They are
seated back to back in electric chairs.

MELISSA
I guess it’s finally going to
happen.

HARRISON
Yeah.

MELISSA
I didn’t think it would come this
soon. Isn’t it supposed to take
like fourteen years?

HARRISON
Only if you go through a bunch of
appeals. We didn’t get any.

MELISSA
Uh-huh. It’s almost midnight. In a
few minutes we’ll be dead.

HARRISON
You don’t need to remind me.

MELISSA
There is something odd, though.

HARRISON
What’s that?

MELISSA
Why are we being executed together?
Isn’t it usually done separately?

HARRISON
That may be my fault.

MELISSA
How?

HARRISON
A few years ago, I suggested to the
government ways to save money. This
was one of them.

MELISSA
That figures. It sounds like
something you’d do. You know, I
shouldn’t even be here.

HARRISON
Why not? You’re just as guilty as
me.

MELISSA
But I stopped you from killing
Cheryl. That should count for
something.

HARRISON
You also confessed to helping me
kill Matthew. And trying to kill
Cheryl the first time. That doesn’t
count for anything.

MELISSA
I still think I should have gotten
life, at most.

HARRISON
Stop whining.

After several seconds have passed.

MELISSA
I hate this waiting. Do you want to
talk about something?

HARRISON
Like what? The weather?

MELISSA
That reminds me. The weather
forecast said something about
thunderstorms around this time.
Maybe we’ll get lucky, and there’ll
be a power failure. Then they’ll
have to postpone.

HARRISON
Don’t bet on it. Besides, that
would only delay the inevitable.

MELISSA
Speaking of delaying things, I
thought you had the governor in
your pocket.

HARRISON
No, that was the old one. Didn’t
get a chance with the new one. So I
wouldn’t count on him saving us.

MELISSA
I hope it doesn’t hurt too much,
and happens fast.

HARRISON
I wouldn’t count on that, either.
The way they botched the last few.

MELISSA
What?

HARRISON
Oh, yeah. One of them they had to
shock five times. It took twenty
minutes to kill him.

MELISSA
That’s a pleasant thought. Maybe we
should have tried to kill them in
Texas. Lethal injection has to be
better.

HARRISON
Even those they screw up.

MELISSA
A guillotine might have been nice.
It happens so quick you wouldn’t
feel a thing.

HARRISON
Well, then we should have done it
in France in the eighteenth
century.

MELISSA
In Saudi Arabia we’d be waiting for
them to stone us.

HARRISON
In Utah it’d be a firing squad.

MELISSA
Uh, Dad.

HARRISON
What?

MELISSA
There’s not much time left, and
there’s something I need to say.

HARRISON
Yes?

MELISSA
I know it’s a little late for it,
but I want to apologize for having
such a big mouth. You were right. I
should have kept quiet. We wouldn’t
be here if it weren’t for that.

HARRISON
It’s all right. I kind of
understand. You panicked.

MELISSA
It was more than that. I didn’t
just panic. I really did feel
guilty about all that’s happened.

HARRISON
I should have known better than to
drag you into it, that you wouldn’t
have the stomach for it. You’re
just too soft-hearted, like your
mother.

MELISSA
Sorry about that.

HARRISON
Don’t be. That’s what I liked about
your mother...In a way, maybe we
deserve this.

MELISSA
Yeah.

HARRISON
Maybe resorting to violence to fix
problems isn’t the way to go.

MELISSA
I’m surprised you’d say that. So
just now you’re developing a
conscience?

HARRISON
I guess facing death does that to a
person.

Melissa looks at the clock.

MELISSA
Here it comes.
(counting down)
Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...
five...four...three...two...

Just then the phone rings. There’s a look of shock on their
faces.


INT. A JAIL CELL - DAY

After the stay of execution, Junior visits Melissa and Harrison
in jail.

HARRISON
I still can’t believe the governor
stopped the executions, and
commuted our sentences to life in
prison.

JUNIOR
And you can thank me for that.

HARRISON
How?

JUNIOR
I talked to him and convinced him to
do it.

HARRISON
That’s it? It couldn’t have been
that easy.

JUNIOR
I just did what you would have
done. I bought him off. Apparently,
he’s just as corrupt as the old
governor.

HARRISON
That’s my boy. Like a chip off the
old block. I hope it didn’t cost
too much.

JUNIOR
I did have to liquidate one asset,
in particular.

MELISSA
What asset?

JUNIOR
I sold the TV network.

MELISSA
You prick.

JUNIOR
Just be glad you’re not dead.

MELISSA
I suppose it doesn’t matter, as
long as I’m going to be stuck in
here.

HARRISON
Speaking of that. Don’t get me
wrong, I do appreciate being alive,
but I hate the thought of being
here the rest of my life.

JUNIOR
Don’t worry. I’ve been working on
that, too. It’s just a matter of
time before I get to the parole
board.

HARRISON
That’s what I love about this
country. Everyone has his price.

MELISSA
I don’t believe this. Haven’t you
learned anything?

HARRISON
Yeah. If I have enough money, I can
buy anything I want.

MELISSA
Uggh.
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