An Unlicensed Memory

         When I see you again and you inevitably ask, I will claim I do not know what to say. A remark will fall that the question, so sudden in the quiet, has disarmed me. For even the stillness of the night forced me to abandon the urge to flee and you will watch as I scramble to make sense of the words that snap in my ears. How did I ever claim I didn’t want you? Strands of moonlight kiss your hand, delicate as they weave across your body, holding you in an embrace I ache to join again.

I made a mistake. Don’t you understand? I was wrong. Please-

Contempt, etched into every pore of your once smiling gaze batters against my body as our eyes meet. Quickly, I look down to the ground. It has been months since we’ve been face to face. Do you wish I’d stayed? Even now I admit I am a coward. The cracks are open slits in the cement and I wish they would devour me whole, take me away from the conversation we are about to have. I can’t do it. When the moment comes, I choke on the words that lay on the tip of my tongue. Regret lights my blood on fire. Burns me.

I wonder if I deserve it.

Even my heart, a beast I demanded lay quiet in its cage, stutters, and for just a moment, I am reminded that I am still flesh. Human. Let the reminder seep into my bones, lest my hubris bury me. The world feels lopsided as I force my legs to remain upright. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed. The once worthy look bestowed my way is now broken at your feet. By Hera, let it drip off my tongue, my immortal plea, the words to meet your ire.

I would have done anything to make you stay, but in that moment I promise it felt like the world came to a stop, and we, two tired to try to make it come alive again, let the distance push us further apart.

Still, the words:
“Did you miss me?”

My shame, in the end, was the one who answered. To share this demands a price from me I do not know that I can pay, but I will beg Persephone and Hades above and below for a chance to try. We were locked in a dance I did not know the steps to. Still, you deserve an answer, don’t you? The limitless possibilities sit in my mouth—slender things of want, unsaid beggars, liars coated in sugar sweetness. I caused you to hurt. Your gaze on mine wavers on in the silence. I force my body to lag behind, pulling away.
The spell breaks.

It falls quietly, the confession:
“Your memory never left me.”