Stand-Up And Deliver

“There are too many people here,” Charlie said.

“How many people were you hoping would show up?” his friend Will asked.

“I dunno, maybe five or six?”

“You’d be a pretty terrible stand-up comic if you only played to crowds that you could individually count on your fingers.”

“I’m a pretty terrible stand-up comic full stop.”

“You don’t know that ... yet.”

For the tenth time in five minutes, Charlie lamented offering this suggestion as punishment for the last place team in their fantasy baseball league. At the time, he thought it was hilarious and a safe bet given the eleven other teams. And yet some cosmic twist of fate saw fit to have him endure his own invented punishment.

As he peeked out from behind the curtain, he tried to count the audience but stopped once he realized the number was way more than six, and that it was only making him more nervous.

“What are you going to open with?” Will asked.

“I thought I’d start a classic ‘your mom’ joke, or maybe a pickup line like, ‘If I could be anything, I’d be DNA polymerase so I could unzip your genes.’ What do you think?”

“I think I’m really, really glad that I took the day off work to be here for this.”

“Well, at least it’s just you and not the rest of the team.”

“Oh, we’re gonna FaceTime during your set.”

“I hate you.”

“Don’t hate us, hate your starting pitchers this season.”

“I hate everything and everyone right now.”

“I gotta get out there to make sure I get a good seat. Break a leg.”

“Why? Do you think that would get me out of this?”

“See, now that’s funny. Good luck out there, Charlie!”


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296 words

Written For: "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" 

Prompt: Write a story that includes the line: “There are too many people here.”