The Christmas Gift

Well, Christmas will be coming soon,
the days are drawing near.
And I am in a hopeless place,
just like I was last year.

I never know what I should buy,
I always have some doubt.
She never tells me what she wants.
I’m left to figure out.

But I’m not good at doing this.
No, nothing comes to mind.
So I just shopped the Internet
to see what I could find.

You know that didn’t help me much.
There’s too much stuff out there.
You think she’d like a new cookbook
or something nice to wear?

That birthday present that I bought
did not go over well.
She never wore that nightie once,
as far as I can tell.

And it was even monogrammed.
That was a nice surprise.
I knew she wouldn’t wear it, though,
once she had seen the size.

So I can’t buy her clothes again,
not if I want to eat.
No, that is one mistake of mine
I never will repeat.

But I don’t know what I should get.
I never have a clue.
I have to come up with a gift.
I don’t know what to do.

Hey, I just had a great idea,
that saves my bacon, man.
I know what she could really use -
a brand new frying pan.

Well, I am so relieved right now.
You know, I’m feeling good.
I’m thinking I can call it quits;
In fact, I probably should.